Where to start? Lodger gone, mess left

melaniec_2

Hi

I'm really sorry to hear how badly you've been treated but really I would write to him and send a copy to his Dad. I'm sure they would be mortified to hear this and would want him to at least appologise and offer you some compensation.

elona

Once the rooms are cleaned I would burn an aromatherapy candle or two to eradicate all "toxic" traces of him from your home.

I think it would be a very good idea to take pictures of the damage and filth - then if family ever pressure you to take him back then you can show them exactly why you were upset!

DawnW

spiddy100 wrote:

Did you take any pictures of the rooms Unixgirl? I know right now you just want it clean and not to have to think about him but it might be worth having some evidence if you decide you want to chase him up for some kind of reparation.

I'm so sorry this has happened It amazes me how unaware of their surroundings some young men can be, but it's just horribly selfish of him to take advantage of you like that.

If it was me I think I'd do what Angchris said and redecorate the room, slap some paint up so it looks completely different to how it was before.

It is not only young men that behave like this. My brother is over 50 and is behaving in exactly the same sort of way in my home. My husband is at the end of his tether though, so we have now asked him to leave by the middle of next month. Hopefully he will. It is difficult though, as I am afraid he will end up on the streets or in prison (again) and he is on about going to Iraq to work (they probably won't have him), and we have had huge problems with our Mum who has dementia and has recently had to go into a home, so I have had to sort all that out as well. My brother gives me £30 a week and thinks this is generous, has full use of everything in the house, including playing poker all night on my (work) computer I have discovered, which does not impress me! He is always 'there', my OH and I get no time to ourselves, AND he swears and uses bad language in front of our friends and grandchildren! I am looking forward to cleaning my house (life?)up. OH and I both have stressful jobs, and don't really need the hassle to be honest. We have brought up our 3 kids, who are all fine thank goodness, paid for them to go to college etc and this ought to be time for us! I still worry about him though.

Good luck to the OP, you now have your home back. Don't have him back! However, I know that this is easier said than done, as I have been in this situation before with my brother, several times!

Uniscots97

Thanks everyone. He texted me earlier, I replied and said I was busy at work and not to bother me. He's 40 by the way so should know better! on tonight's list to do:-

wash (oxy) vertical blinds from bedroom
vax bedroom carpet
thoroughly clean bathroom with stardrops (this is after filling bath and sink with hot water and biological washing powder, thank you to the person that suggested this. It lifted a lot of muck!)
clean toilet after thoroughly soaking it with white vinegar

after thats done I'll sit down with nice cup of tea and watch eastenders!


Thanks everyone, you've really helped. I'll keep you all posted how I'm doing.

grannybroon

Glad you found the bio powder and hot water useful. I know it is probably not the cheapest solution but I have always found it worked - glad you tried it. I also use the same method to clean my two small venetian blinds as it really brings cords up lovely. I then rinse with overhead shower and leave overnight to drip dry before putting in airing cupboard to dry properly. Huge blinds unfortunately have to go to be cleaned every so often as they get beyond the cleaning I do.

I think I would have texted him back saying you are so busy clearing up his mess and you will contact him about that at a later stage to recoup expenses (including your time).

Might have thought a younger person would be such a slob but surprised that someone of that age is. Has he ever had his own home and kept it ok?

My DS a typical teenager when at home (as was DD) - clothes, cups etc everywhere but once they got their own places things were totally the opposite. Actually, I seem to remember my Mum refusing to enter my bedroom in the mid 60's and it was an absolute tip! When I started work at 16 that was it - I was expected to pay dig money and do my own washing and ironing. If I tidied my room she would clean it. If not it was down to me to stay in a pig sty. I changed the minute I married and had my own nest!.

However, I am now sensing a bit more of a positive attitude from you. Once you have got things put to rights hopefully you can put this behind you.

GB

Gabriel-Ernest

Did you get your keys back from him?

MrsTinks

I have to admit I'm not hugely surprised - people of any age can be... well slobs..

I once visited 2 people from work who were in a house share and I have to say I jumped straight in the shower when I got home! *shudder* And both were older than me!!! I'm not saying my house is spotless (perish the thought!) but I DO know that people can come in and leave with nothing more than a few cat and dog hairs extra (I refuse to hoover any more frequently than I already do! 3-4 times a week shoud be enough!).

At 40 (or 50 in the case of DawnW's brother) they REALLY should know better! Twice I found myself desperately in need of a roof over my head and my ex's sister opened her home to me First time I couldn't afford to pay anything - I'd lost my job and been dumped 3 months before my wedding - so I did the housekeeping, ferried the kids around, cooked and job hunted like mad so I could afford to move out. Second time was short term whilst I was house hunting after a 3 month stint abroad for work - this time I paid rent and tried to do my bit with cooking and cleaning
The only thing I never did was the washing... I realy could not for the life of me get the hang of her washing machine and eventually we agreed it was safer for me to stay clear - but I was often home first so did make sure dinner was sorted

grannybroon

tine

So sorry to hear your history. At least you did your bit! Whenever I go to stay with friends I think I over compensate for their hospitality - I don't want to be a burden!

GB

Uniscots97

Sorry to hear about your troubles Tine. Yes I got my keys back but I have changed the pin code on the house alarm. Friend or not I thought it best to change it. Turns out he's left (in the garage) a radio, a jigsaw tool (not a puzzle), a manky camper stool and a load of cigarette ends strewn about.:mad: I wasn't happy. He says he doesn't want any of this back. Doubt its worth anything! Getting there slowly. The only thing I miss is the money. (I know how horrible saying something like that?)

eryn_kathleen

unixgirluk wrote:

The only thing I miss is the money. (I know how horrible saying something like that?)

It is horrible - it's horrible he made you feel that way! You shouldn't feel guilty on top of it.