Where to start? Lodger gone, mess left

crawley_girl

My best mate did exactly the same to me unixgirluk and it wasn't pleasant.

He too left under a cloud after breaking a window in the midde of the night and leaving me to sleep in a ground floor flat with no window! He disappeared off and left me to find his destruction at approx 2am when I nipped to the loo. He didn't come back for 4 days, after which I had got a glazier out and stuck the bill on to my mate's bedroom door. He went bonkers and moved out about 5 days later.

I wrote to him at his parents and got no response about the money he owed me. I wrote to his parents (whom I had known for apprx 10yrs and treated me like the daughter they never had) and they wrote some really stupid formal letter back saying they would look into it if I forwarded his post on.

The thing is, I felt totally used by him and suspect drugs were involved but can't be sure. I felt down and depressed but totally redecorating the room got him out of my head and out of the flat and out of my home. I know home is supposed to be one's sanctuary and this is why you are feeling so down. I felt violated and perhaps that is how you feel too.

Big hugs to you

:heartpuls CG :heartpuls

Uniscots97

Thanks CG. A letter arrived for him yesterday so texted him and said could he pass on his new address in case any letters came through so I could forward them on. I knew if I'd said I had a letter he would have said 'I'll come over and get it". Sorry but my house is feeling more like my home again and I don't want him setting foot in it again. Its not nice when a friend takes advantage of your generosity but glad to know there are nice people out there.

crawley_girl

You need to do what you need to do. Only you can make the decision to erase this horrible situation from your memory or chase him for paying for your time and materials needed to clean the mess he created.

Don't let others bully you into doing something that you are not comfortable with and perhaps the best and quickest way to deal with it is to just forget.

When the post arrived in the ex-mates name I just wrote 'no longer at this address' and popped it back in the post box. It certainly wasn't my job to redirect his post and I didn't once feel guilty about that.

Take care sugar

:heartpuls CG :heartpuls

morganb

Quote "I feel like a failure and a bad person to be left with a mess like this from a so called friend whose also a distant relative"

Absolutely no way are you a failure or a bad person, his behaviour has been appalling; seriously I would recommend taking photos of the mess and writing a letter to him and his father. Set the record straight; it's the only way people like this learn how to conduct themselves, and it might stop him treating someone else in the same fashion (no consolation to you right now, I know).

Can you paint the room? Even if you only do one wall in an 'accent' colour it will feel like your own territory again.

Best of luck ... and dont' in any way blame yourself.