Do I send christmas presents this year?

Alligg

for the last 10 years I have had a very strained relationship with my dad,I have not spoken to him in over 2 years and i've not seen him for over 3.the last time we spoke my dad put the phone down on me and that was that.
My 2 sisters and my step sister have a very good relationship with him and they always having something to say on the subject even though they have no idea of things that have gone on.I was not invited to my step sisters wedding and my dad did not inform me when he moved house or changed his phone number.my sisters often talk about him and presume that I know what is going on with his life just because they are part of it.over the years I have come to accept that my dad is not in my life and although it is a shame it was his choosing.
I have always sent birthday and christmas presents via my sister and have never had so much as a thank you so this year I am thinking should I not bother and shall I just return the ones he sends me.I just know both my sisters will kick off about it but as they see him all the time they have no idea how I feel that he doesn't want anything to do with me.I just think its a bit hypocritical if I do when I don't see or speak to him and I send my step mum something even though I don't like her.
I am just torn as to what to do

January20

I'm wondering why if you have a relationship, you still send each other presents? I fully expected you to say you send presents and he didn't reciprocate but he does. Personnally, I wouldn't send presents in such a situation and I would also have a full and frank discussion with the sisters so they learned to mind their own business and didn't "kick off" as you said.

Yes, it is a bit hypocritical and it sounds like your sisters like to pretend that everything is ok because it suits them. What about what suits you?

victory

What is the exchange of xmas presents achieving? Nothing. Is it bringing you close? No. Does it make you keep in touch? No. Does it open up the lines of communication? No

So-no

Emmzi

if you would feel immense guilt if you didn't, send him an Oxfam goat. That way someone benefits from the whole deal. Or y'know. Another charity thing of your choosing.

mummyroysof3

i would send cards with maybe a note wishing them well etc but no gifts if you dont have anything to do with them it must be very difficult to choose a gift for them anyway

Stephb1986_2

I wouldn't do anything thats the best bet, if he wanted a relationship he would of delivered the gifts himself.

Steph xx

CH27

It sounds as though by you both sending presents that the relationship may be repairable? Is there any chance of that?

Cyril

I would be expecting the sisters who are in touch to help more in the way of bridge building if I'm honest, not ' kick off'.

Sounds a great shame they all have a relationship with him but you don't so indicated something personal happened between you and not just he's a bad person.

No I wouldn't send gifts however I would send a card.

Alligg

I think if i'm honest I have always sent presents hoping he might just get in touch,I have no idea if its repairable as I have never had the chance to talk to him about it.I tried once and asked if I could see him on my own to talk things over and he brought my step mum with him and she never gave him the chance to speak just kept interupting and putting me down saying i've always been trouble and I have a chip on my shoulder and i'm envious of my step sister.
I don't know if to write him a letter and say that due to circumstances I wont be buying presents any longer

basscadette

Speaking from experience with this within my own family, it sounds as if both sides wish to repair the relationship (both sending presents indicates this very strongly - a way to keep a connection and the relationship from breaking down completely). However, like the personalities within my own family, each side is as stubborn as the other and neither will make the first real move for fear of rejection. I would bank on your dad being desperate to rekindle the relationship but worrying that you will reject him and vice versa.

Life is too short - if you love each other and there is a relationship, why not make this year's Christmas gift a big hug on both sides and a promise to bury the hatchet?

January20

I think it would be really nice to write a letter and let him know, as he might (and the step-mother) get quite angry if he buys you a present and you don't reciprocate. It could also be that if you write him such a letter, it might force him to do something about your relationship if he wants to. And if he does nothing, then you'll have your answer.