Terrible wedding speeches

tranmereforever

Imo thats the most crucial thing, make sure you dont miss anyone/ a thanks out

I made the decision to improvise 75% of mine - I have a fair bit of public speaking experience though - and just had who to thank written in bullet points as didnt want to forget anyone

jackyann

Do keep it short: everyone will be grateful as long as you ensure the thanks have been done; funny stories & anecdotes MUST tread the line between personal (ie: authentic) and understandable by all (ie: not requiring detailed knowledge of a childhood home, or the exact composition of the class at junior school).
It is perfectly OK to fall back on saying that you are not used to this, it is not easy to express in public the love you feel for your wife, the relatives who have been such a support & gone to great lengths to join you today, the people you wish were here with you, and the thanks........job done!
I have sat through a few of these, and much prefer short, workmanlike & a bit pedestrian to those who think that you want to hear every adolescent jape!

redped

Whatever you do, be careful about having a pre-speech drink to calm your nerves (although I have done that!) - alcohol and nerves have bad habit of mixing.

The worst speech I ever heard about was where the nervous best man (the groom's brother) had a few drinks, and then proceeded to relate a story about the well-endowed bride. She had been really drunk one night and couldn't get to the bathroom in time to be sick ... the only thing she could reach in time to stop her throwing up everywhere was one of her large bras, so she proceeded to throw up into that. Apparently the room was in silence, and people could almost hear the tumble weed blowing down the street. For some reason neither the bride's nor groom's families appreciated the speech ...

bargin_seeker

wish my hubby had put this much thought in to his speech ( he winged it on the day ) it was ok he thanked some people who were key but forgot to mention me to which i reminded him just as he finished much to everyones amusement but it does make me wish i had gone with my idea of making a speech myself but now the wedding is done so missed that boat but would say that as long as you get everyone thanked and mention your beautiful wife she will love it hth x

gandy

i must admit the speeches for our wedding went off pretty well. my dad's a pretty good speaker so his was short but really nice and got a few giggles. i was a bit worried about my OH dad's speech as he has a tendency to ramble but it was fairly short but really nice.

we'd decided before the wedding that while my OH would do most of the speech I would stand up with him and pitch in my little bit at the end and i must admit it did work out really well. my OH was nervous doing his speech and went over it with me a few times just to check it was okay...

on the day it was good and got a few laughs ... particularly when he lost his place and i ended up having to point it out (cue lots of laughs from everyone).

There was also one part where he was talking about his mum, dad and sister where he got very emotional (and had done when he was going it over with me so the night before the wedding so i said just write DO NOT CRY on the page and instead wrote ARGENTINA ... as in don't cry for me!) On the day I read it out for him... of course mentioning the fact we both knew he might not get through this bit and the ARGENTINA he'd written down on the sheet (again cue laughter and much shouting of argentina at random moments during the rest of the day lol).

finally there was one bit that i wasn't allowed to see when we'd done the run throughs cause it was for me, it ended up being some of the lyrics to 5000 miles by the proclaimers... he's scottish and its a standing joke we "must" dance to it when it's played.... actually it was pretty sweet when you consider the lyrics themselves and our photographer got a great picture of me throwing my head back laughing when he started to read the lyrics, he even got the guests to do the da-da-dada da-da-dada bits... very funny!

Our best man did a brilliant job as well, it was short and funny and because he's know both of us and we're all pretty good friends it had the right bit of fun and feeling in it. He also had some cue cards to keep him on the right path but didn't really need to look at them that often. So all in all things went well!

my advice would be however

- don't wing it... even if it's just pointers write something down
- practise a few times (in front of someone if you can) to see how jokes and things go down
- definitely take it easy on the booze (if your having the speeches after dinner... i've seen some really messy ones because the bestmans dinner was liquid as he was too nervous to eat)
- consider doing the speeches before dinner and letting everyone know the shorter they are the quicker they get to eat (yes i did mention that to everyone but i think they figured that out by them selves anyway!)
- if your hubby is a nervous speaker it might be nice to do the speech together that way you have two heads to remember who to thank lol (at the last few weddings i've been to this has been happening more and more).
- most importantly don't use someone elses words (because the people who know you will definitely realise you've taken it from somewhere else) and make your comments from the heart and you've got nothing to worry about!

ampafc

This site is brill Thank you all so much for the pointers! To the poster above - I am the groom, so it's me speaking! Really loved your bit about the 500 miles lyrics - I'm Scottish as well, and have jumped about to that song and others like Loch Lomond/Chelsea Dagger at the end of many a party!!

I'm a relatively confident public speaker, as with my work I often have to travel and give presentations lasting 40 or so minutes to up to 300 people. So I'm not hugely nervous, although there will defo be some nerves on the day as I've never spoken publicly at a celebration before - it has always been serious work presentations!

Another question I have - is it better for the three of us (father in law, me, best man) to do the speeches before or after the meal? Originally, I though before, so that I could enjoy he meal without worrying about what's coming! But then I don't want to delay everyone else eating the lovely food that we are putting on! Anyone have any experience of what's best? Probably doesn't matter a huge amount when i think about it.

Thanks again everyone - really enjoying reading your speech tales!

MaggieBaking

Definitely after. Before sometimes people are a little unsettled. They get nice wine with dinner, get comfortable with the people they're seated with who might be new to them. As you're not particularly nervous I'd do the traditional thing and do it after the dinner.

LEJC

Speeches before or speeches after the meal...theres pros and cons for both...

Are you having drinks and canapes before your meal...ie are the guests having something to eat and drink after the ceremony...sometimes its nice to sit with a few nibbles and a drink and listen to the speeches first but basically as a guest they may want to get to the food so to delay it by up to another 45 mins or so may not be their preferred choice...but I can see it from your point of view that once the speeches are out of the way then YOU get to enjoy the food...

Oh decisions decisions....go with what you feel comfortable with...thats always the best...everyone else will fall into place...

aarchk

we did speeches before the meal as we had goody bags for the 15 kids and it kept them entertained throughout, plus my hubby was nervous. The meal was buffet rather than sit down so we were worried about having people return to their seats after they had eaten (our venue was some sprawling barns so there were other places to sit and drink in). We didnt bother with canapes but our wedding was at 2pm so most people had eaten lunch, speeches at 5.30pm and meal after that, not such a long gap to go without food, also there were bread rolls on the tables. It really depends on your timings, setup of venue etc.

I typed my hubbys speech out in large font and bullet points at midnight two days before the wedding. I mean it wasnt as if I had anything else to do... grrr.

redped

I recommend speeches before the meal - when I was best man for my brother, I didn't enjoy the meal at all knowing I had a speech to do shortly afterwards; at my wedding we did them before (this was one meal I didn't want spoilt by nerves), and people knew to keep them short. That way, the meal was enjoyed by all