Terrible wedding speeches

ampafc

Hello all,

Getting married in August next year, and although that's till a fair bit away, I have been thinking about my groom speech! I think it's important to avoid cheesy, overused one-liners (e.g 'This isn't the first time I've risen from a warm seat with a bit of paer in my hand' etc).

I want all of my speech to be original material, with the balance between some humour and sincerity. I know how much my wife to be will appreciate some loving comments!

Was wondering, have you ever seen any really bad groom/best man/father of the bride speeches? If so, what made them so bad? Jokes going down badly, nerves getting the better of the speechmaker?! I have been reading up on what you should say, but what should we really avoid?

RainbowDrops

I've generally found you can really tell when someone's got all their jokes from the internet, and it's really cringeworthy. The funniest jokes I've heard are when someone recalls a real story about one of the bridal party (though try not to be too risque).

Also, some people will try to learn it off by heart, or wing it on the day, but choke - I've actually seen one guy just stand there for about a minute saying nothing while the whole room looked uncomfortable, poor guy.
So no matter how confident you are that you can do a speach without cue cards, DON'T DO IT!
Cue cards ar better than having the whole thing printed out IMO - stops you from just looking down & reading the whole thing, and lets you engage with your audience.

Time your speach - more than 5 mins is too long IMO. Also, practice it out loud, and as you would deliver it on the day (allow for pauses, applause, toasts etc).

Dekazer

D'you know, I don't think I've ever seen one I hated. One of the nicest was from the most nervous chap ever, who only managed a few words, but there wasn't a dry eye in the house. I've seen some terrible best man and father of the bride speeches, but that's a different story!

I've started writing my speech (well, why shouldn't a bride get to talk too?!) and I've kept a small notebook for moments of inspiration.

The main thing is to be sincere and say what you really feel. You may have a best man who can do the jokey stuff. If you need to make any jokes - try joking about the best man, or yourself

Above all, you know your wife to be and what will make her feel loved and proud. And don't stress!

White_Sapphire

My initial thoughts, from speeches I've heard at weddings:
1. keep it short
2. no really, keep it short
3. don't get your speech from a book or a website - use them to get ideas going, but for heaven's sake don't actually use any of the material from them

Oh, and as long as you use the phrase "my beautiful wife" within the first sentence you will be forgiven for any carp jokes you happen to let slip out!

ampafc

RainbowDrops wrote: »

I've generally found you can really tell when someone's got all their jokes from the internet, and it's really cringeworthy. The funniest jokes I've heard are when someone recalls a real story about one of the bridal party (though try not to be too risque).

Also, some people will try to learn it off by heart, or wing it on the day, but choke - I've actually seen one guy just stand there for about a minute saying nothing while the whole room looked uncomfortable, poor guy.
So no matter how confident you are that you can do a speach without cue cards, DON'T DO IT!
Cue cards ar better than having the whole thing printed out IMO - stops you from just looking down & reading the whole thing, and lets you engage with your audience.

Time your speach - more than 5 mins is too long IMO. Also, practice it out loud, and as you would deliver it on the day (allow for pauses, applause, toasts etc).

Thank you for all the comments so far.

Rainbow Drops - I thought maybe 10 mins or so for my speech - would that really be too long? Also, I plan on learning it without having to have cue cards. I will have a microphone in one hand (we have 150 guests during day so need this) and want to use the other for hand movements. I thought I might have one cue card, sat on the table in front of me that i won't pick up, that lists the names of the people that I need to thank and nothing else.

Maybe I need to rethink that though?!

MaggieBaking

Theoretically the grooms speech should be 5 minutes and the best man's 10 minutes.

Personally those in the audience who don't know you very well will find a long speech boring. Anyone who finds wedding speeches boring, will find yours boring.

I've never heard one that was too long because I love them - the tears, laughs and the chance for those to stand up and say "this love is beautiful". But I'm a soppy sod.

Don't feel you have to make it fit a certain time. If you only have 3 minutes of things to say then that's ok. If you want to spend 10 minutes declaring your love for your wife then let people fidget.

The worst speech I heard was when someone basically said "here's a funny anecdote". But actually, it wasn't funny, it was pointless and a bit shocking!!!

It sounds a bit trite but just say what's in your heart.

RainbowDrops

ampafc wrote: »

Rainbow Drops - I thought maybe 10 mins or so for my speech - would that really be too long?

A lot of it depends on content, if it's funny / engaging then 10 mins is fine. If it's a thousand thank you's it can get a bit boring. There are certain thank yous that are a must, but try not to repeat the other speakers.
I did a speech and initially had loads of thank-yous, then realised that it was OTT - you can than extra people sepparatly later if you want, which is more personal.

Think about what you want to say, then think about how you would receive this as a guest (who might want the loo or is gasping for another drink).

ampafc wrote: »

Also, I plan on learning it without having to have cue cards. I will have a microphone in one hand (we have 150 guests during day so need this) and want to use the other for hand movements. I thought I might have one cue card, sat on the table in front of me that i won't pick up, that lists the names of the people that I need to thank and nothing else.

Definately have a cue card there just incase.
I'm very big on hand gestures, but found I was still able to do this with the cue cards in hand. If anything it stopped me flailing about too madly!
But I also had that security of knowing I wouldn't miss something out, or ramble on about something for too long.

LEJC

eI guess the speech can be as long or short as you want it to be...

personally I would say that 10 mins is a very long one...and will make the whole speech element of the reception very concentrated if you also are having the brides father and the best man doing a speech too...Im not sure if people would get a little "speeched out" come the end of it if you all do a 10 min stint each....

I think again personally that the length doesnt matter its the sentiment and personalisation that does....theres loads of speeches on the net and to be honest ive heard a few at several weddings where the groom has just changed the name....so make it personal and make it heartfelt...

Even if you are an accomplished speaker I would have a few crib notes just to help you follow....you cannot predict that jusy because you memorised something that the delivery will be as good as when you last practised it...
My husband is an accomplished speaker and does it as part and parcel of his job...so felt very confident going into his speech...a handful of words in,and a glance at me and the speech was replaced by tears of joy...we never did get his speech but our heartfelt hug that replaced it spoke more than any words!

Best of luck...you have a while to prepare and enjoy the moment!

White_Sapphire

LEJC wrote: »

eI guess the speech can be as long or short as you want it to be...

Sorry, but I just couldn't help reading that with a broad Yorkshire accent! :rotfl:

LalaGomay

Watching people give speeches makes me nervous, so I wouldn't have any at my wedding.

The only time I enjoy a speech is if the speech giver appears totally confident. But of course that's usually an act, afterwards they'll say they were mega nervous, but just hid it well.

So yes, I don't think it matters too much what you actually say (people probably won't remember specifics afterwards), as long as you come across as, or pretend you are confident you'll carry it off well!


Oh yes, and PLEASE for the love of pete, don't do a rude joke/story. I actually normally have a pretty edgy sense of humour, but when people tell those in front of a room full of elderly people and kids I nearly die of cringing. It's horrific.

chatnoir

Think the speech comes from the heart and is personal then you can't go wrong. Ourbest man wrote "pointers" for his speech ten minutes before the ceremony....as you can imagine it wasn't very good and there were a few moments of silence, followed by ums and arhs!
Then at said best mans wedding, for his Grooms speech he thanked the brides parents and gushed about how fab they are but never even mentioned his own which was a bit awkward! And then the father of the bride spent 10 minutes talking about himself.......

Oh I do love it when the groom says "on behalf of my wife and I..." and everyone cheers!