I need help with my son!

dirtysexymonkey

Lateral wrote: »

Its been happening mildly for over a year now, but its only been the last, umm, 2 months, that its really got out of my control, Nothing has changed in the home, apart from the involment of SS.

try the doctors again. you say his episodes have increased since you were last there, so they must be at the level now. dont stop pushing until you get the help.

natbags

Hello
Have been here with my son, statred having behaviour problems at school (age 6/7ish) which lead to learning problems and disruption of the class. The head teacher referred him to CAHMS (who were great, but the person dealing with my son left, wasn't replaced straight away and my sons file was closed as completed case!)
We also thought he may be having hearing problems because he was sooooo loud. The doctor who carried out the hearing test was fantastic and suggested ADHD? She requested the paediatricians carry out CONNORS TESTING - where we complete some questions and so do school about behaviour, feelings anger etc... They then compare the findings and if required get referred to paeditricians
Long story short, it appears he has ADHD
Whilst we were very anti medication, we were asked to attend a course on ADHD which was very useful, and now my son is on a small amount of medication, his behavious at school is much much better, as is his concentration (which could be very poor, hence he disrupted the class) we still have some issues at home with his behaviour, bedtime etc... but it is much more manageable
A person I met at the course who also had 2 of 3 children with this said that she wanted other people to see the child she knew was there, which when she said it i knew instantly what she meant, because i too had forgotton what (on occasions!) a lovely boy was lurking below x

blue_monkey_2

Yep me too. My DS is the same as yours and I have the same experience as natbags above but my DS was 4 when it was picked up - they did not confirm the diagnosis until age 6 as this is when they medicate. I was very anti-medication but in the end relented and started a small dose just for school and it has helped him immensly and he went from under acheiving to over acheiving in weeks.

The hardest thing is getting the help and sadly it is not as simple as just going to the doctor, you need to be referred to a paediatrician. You will need to see the paediatrician or ADHD clinic so call them up again and nag them until you get somewhere. The GP is not much help as they do not deal with it, and you need a diagnosis before anything is done.

Age 6/7 seems to the be the age that ADHD rears it's head with a vengance, while I do not agree with the meds myself I know that I have to make this choice for my son so he can get through the day and through school and they really help him.

Hang on in there, it is really hard without any help but once you can understand what you are dealing with then it does get easier to understand why he is like he is. There is nothing wrong with putting stratagies in place until you have a diagnosis.

Does he sleep? We have just installed motion sensors on our landing as I was sick of bedtimes and my DD being kept awake by him - now if he comes out of his room it bleeps and then after 8 seconds an alarm goes off. Has worked absolute wonders, he stil does not sleep but at least he is in his room.

You learn not to buy anything breakable. Mine is currently having a hissy fit because he cannot have a hot chocolate. Best thing I find is just ignoring it and letting him get it out of his system as it is going to happen either way, get him into a room where there is nothing breakable and let him get on with it. A swiss ball is great for letting them bounce and get rid of tension.

Good luck.

Darlyd

I had this with DD1 when she was that age when I lived in Wales, same response from CAHMS too. Utter bollox.

Since moving to Englad, she has been seen by CAHMS and CAF, they are helping us greatly, she has seen a physciatrist and we go again in a few weeks for a proper assessment (he thinks she has ADHD), and we seen someone from CAF today, there is a problem there with her.

If I were you, I would go back to your GP for another referral to CAHMS and then the school can refer you to CAF.

I am so sorry for you, I know how you feel, I also had a breakdown. It's so frustrating.. Just hang in there...

snowmaid

Has he been medically checked? Blood tests, scans etc? Demand these. There are medical conditions etc that can cause behavioral problems.

kbr

Contact the school nurse. I am a NHS school nurse and we are able to make referrals to CAMHS, community paediatricians etc. We deal with this sort of situation frequently - although it may feel like you're alone, you're not and there is help available out there, it's just knowing who to contact to get access to it. Speak to the nurse and arrange to meet her either in school or at home and tell her everything you have told us. The nurse will also be able to call a CAF if she feels it would help. A CAF is where regular meetings are held with various professionals who can provide advice and support to you, your son and family. There will be a plan set up to deal with all the issues raised and hopefully people in place to help deal with them. You can find out her number either through school or by calling your local nhs trust and asking for the school nurse for your area. Hope that helps.

crazyguy

Couple of sites to look at:

http://www.familydoctor.co.uk/node/707
http://childparenting.about.com/od/behaviorproblems/Behavior_Problems.htm
http://www.crisiscounseling.com/articles/nevergiveup.htm

blue_monkey_2

kbr wrote: »

Contact the school nurse. I am a NHS school nurse and we are able to make referrals to CAMHS, community paediatricians etc. We deal with this sort of situation frequently - although it may feel like you're alone, you're not and there is help available out there, it's just knowing who to contact to get access to it. Speak to the nurse and arrange to meet her either in school or at home and tell her everything you have told us. The nurse will also be able to call a CAF if she feels it would help. A CAF is where regular meetings are held with various professionals who can provide advice and support to you, your son and family. There will be a plan set up to deal with all the issues raised and hopefully people in place to help deal with them. You can find out her number either through school or by calling your local nhs trust and asking for the school nurse for your area. Hope that helps.

That is interesting, I did not know that.

The only thing about the CAF is that the child needs to have the netword - which this child does not have at the moment.

CAMHS (in this area certainly) are refusing to see lots of kids because of lack of funding - not recent, this has been going on since my son was 3 and he is 7 now. The doctor referred him age 3 1/2 to CAMHS and they said'no, too young', the doctor tried to refer him 3 times and each time was a different reason so in the end he referred him to the ADHD clinic. He has actually been referred by his Paediatrician 2 years ago, we are still waiting for the appointment. However, let's be honest, all CAMHS do is accuse you of being a bad parent and it being your fault because you and your husband had an argument 2 days before the birth and your child was damaged because of this. I've heard too many stories about CAMHS to be impressed about them tbh, I am certainly not losing any sleep about not having an appointment to see them.

To the OP though:

I think you need to find out why the school will not have him there. There are some schools that have a behaviour or ADHD unit attached to them so the children are taught elsewhere, away from other children, at least for some of the day.

At this age the kids have to start having more work to do and school is less 'play' based and so they cannot cope with it. The school puts certain things in place for my son and he has a quiet area he can go to - all of which I would not have got without his diagnosis I might add - so you need to go and see the school and ask why he is not being taught and to have an appointment to see the Educational Pyschologist. And if you cannot get any of this, consider paying for it as a one off, so you can get the ball moving yourself. We paid £200 to see a private doctor who specialises in Behaviour problems, ADHD and Autism (which my son also has), because the NHS doc was messing me around.... let's just say some ar-ses were kicked as I had to do this and my son will not be forgotten again - mine won;t be!! It is certainly worth thinking about if you can afford it. You need to ask your GP to refer you, and you can look at the doctors that work locally at what hospitals and find out which one will be best for your son.

So tomorrow, make your first stop the school to find out why he is not in school all day and why they are not teaching him.

You can also ring the LEA and speak to them and ask what they suggest, if the school with an attached unit is not nearby they will pay for travel if they send him there.

I remember now you said you had an appointment to see the paed for October, this is good, at least you have a date and it will come quickly. Keep a diary of the tantrums, what triggers them and how long they go on for.

For my son it could be something simple such as the wrong bowl, sandwiches cut the wrong way, socks being too tight, etc... so keep a diary as you may find a trigger - and avoid that trigger (easier said than done) but this is what you need to do so you can get your own strategies in place. We are all different, our kids are all different, it is realising your child - and a few months is not long to do that, we have been here for 5 years now and sometimes it feels like I;ve had a toddler for 5 years. You just have to do your best - and if that includes shutting the door on him while he has a tantrum, get your other DD's in with you and do that. The tantrum needs to come out because he is wound up, send him to his room (take him to his room) and close the door and let him get on with it. Remove anything that might be dangerous or breakable while he is at school tomorrow too, and then he can shout and scream as much as he likes there without hitting you or your DD.

Also, holding him down might not always be the best thing so this is why the safe room is best, it can just make the situation worse. And when he has finished, please try not to hate him (yes, this is really hard) give him a cuddle and just forget about it.

Look for the triggers though, at our support group it turned out it was the sound of pencils writing and it was causing one of the little boys pain and so he would scream to drown it out. might be worth getting him a little MP3 player to listen to so she can shut noises out, or some ear defenders. Look for those triggers though - children with ADHD cannot shut out external noises so with mys on, say we are talking and he is trying to watch TV and the washing machine is one - he cannot shut out of the sound of the machine and us talking so all he hears is a big jumble of noise and so he has a tantrum.

Sorry it was long, there is much more than this but wanted to start somewhere. Things will get better once you can work out what it is that are starting the tantrums - they all seem minor to us but they are a massive deal for our kids. Sadly some schools are very backward in special needs (which they must accept your son has to exclude him for half the school day) you should ask the school if your son is on the SEN register, and if so, why he is being excluded for having Special Needs. And then call the LEA and ask them.

Sorry again, thought of more.

DS4215

As he is 7 has he just changed school from infants to junior?

starnight_2

Keep phoning the drs and the keep a record of when it happens and see if there are any triggers. I would also try CAHMS again and make sure your dr etc know the threats he is saying to you. DS gets violent with me and CAHMS, at first, wouldn't see him because he was seeing a behaviour therapist at the time and waiting an appt with paediatrician, but when he started threatening and waving a knife about they agreed to see him. Keep pushing for the help, you know your son better than anyone else, I soon discovered I had a fight on my hands to get the hlpe, but do keep at them.

Just as an aside - I've had good experiences with CAHMS, everyone's experiences will be different and the only ones to ever accuse me of being a bad parent was the school, where CAHMS stood up for me and went into the school to speak to them.

Don't lose hope, keep fighting xx