Question for men - being a Father to children with different Mothers

make_me_wise

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Every man, every woman is different. You can't lump them all together, I've seen both good and bad.
Great Dads with new families and bad Dads, the bad Dads were also bad the first time round.

Got to say I agree with this. A friend of mine hitched up with a guy who had 2 kids from a previous marriage. They planned a baby and all through the early stages she was panicked as he didn't seem excited. Then they went for the 12 week scan and when he saw his baby on the screen he showed loads of emotion. From that point on he was well into it all. Till then the pregnancy wasn't all that real to him, he wasn't the one exhausted and suffering morning sickness. He said till the scan it was like living with someone who had food poisoning, what a charmer.

My husband and I tried for a baby for just over 2 years. He was ecstatic when I fell pregnant and has been supportive but he too said it didn't all feel real to him till we had the scans. Seeing 2 heartbeats and being told we were having twins bowled him over and suddenly reality kicked in.

I dont think it matters whether its your first baby or your fifth, each pregnancy/birth/baby is unique and special. If someone has been there, done it and worn the t-shirt it doesn't mean another new life wont mean just as much to them. They may just cope with it all in a calmer, know whats coming and will deal with it, manner. Which when you think about it would be quite reassuring if its your first time.

hjsmum

fannyanna, if you don't mind me asking? What is it about labour that scares you so much? Has your midwife given you any help with this?

fannyanna

hjsmum wrote: »

fannyanna, if you don't mind me asking? What is it about labour that scares you so much? Has your midwife given you any help with this?

Not pregnant yet. Am working on that though

As I said I'm not as scared as I used to be. I would now say that I'm not phobic - just very, very scared lol.

I think the main thing that concerns me is the pain and how I'll handle it. It's the pain of the first bit that worries me the most as I know that they'll eventually give you an epidural if you scream at them enough. I don't have a hig pain threshold and I guess I'm scared that I'll be in so much pain that I can't handle it but that they'd consider I wasn't in active labour and therefore wouldn't give me an epidural.

I used to also be worried about the dignity aspect but having had tests for PCOS and having just had pre-cancerous cells removed from my cervix I've already lost my dignity :rotfl:

hjsmum

Sorry, you did say you were TTC I just didn't read it .

When you do get pregnant, talk to your midwife about how you feel, there are things they can do to help. It would be awful if you didn't enjoy the experience of being pregnant through a fear of what will happen at the end.

Hope all goes well for you

fannyanna

hjsmum wrote: »

Sorry, you did say you were TTC I just didn't read it .

When you do get pregnant, talk to your midwife about how you feel, there are things they can do to help. It would be awful if you didn't enjoy the experience of being pregnant through a fear of what will happen at the end.

Hope all goes well for you

Thank you