Question for men - being a Father to children with different Mothers

Lotus-eater

Every man, every woman is different. You can't lump them all together, I've seen both good and bad.
Great Dads with new families and bad Dads, the bad Dads were also bad the first time round.

mrshappy

I don't think you're crazy at all! I have a 14 year old from my 1st marriage and at the moment am ttc with hubby no2. I think OH feels as if he is being compared to ex sometimes, which is so not true, but when I'm talking about labour, mood swings in pregnancy, early days with a new baby etc he does make a wee face sometimes-there has been a lot of baby talk in our family as I have a new niece and I do think that hubby feels a bit out of it, and maybe a bit jealous that I have been there, done it and he hasn't (yet!) However, I would think that when fall pregnant again it would be just as exciting as the first time-better in some ways as I will have the full support of a loving hubby-unlike last time!
Hope that all makes sense! x

mrs_marty

This is both OH and I second marriage of which I had two children and OH had 1.

When I had our DD last year it was never a case of not as magical, in fact he said and continues to say it is more magical as his DD from his first relationship he was young, stupid and not really involved (he was 21 she was 18 they didnt live together until baby was nearly 1)

So really I think that whilst it may not be the 1st it is your first together so it is all new for you both.

findingmyownway

I don't think you're crazy either. I had similar worries when with my ex (who had 3 daughters already). We never got to the serious baby planning stage but i did constantly wonder if the 'first' time for holidays, children, weddings etc would always be better than anything I could give. Part of reason for break up TBH.

princessdreamer

I think the first are always more special if I'm honest, first holiday, wedding as when you are younger everything is more intense anyway. My ex and I grew up with each other and for a long time we had trust. The GF he cheated on me with and now lives with will never have that, she will never have the freedom or stability we had. As she already has a child and knows he is capable of cheating.
Though I wish them well as have said previously ever child is special, a blessing in its own right.

gratefulforhelp_2

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Every man, every woman is different. You can't lump them all together, I've seen both good and bad.
Great Dads with new families and bad Dads, the bad Dads were also bad the first time round.

Do you think a bad Dad will always be bad, or can they improve?

neverdespairgirl

I remember seeing my Dad curled up on the sofa cuddling my newborn brother, with a shine to his eyes and a wonder in his expression. My brother was his 4th child (all the same mother) and he didn't seem to be blase about it at all.

Lotus-eater

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Do you think a bad Dad will always be bad, or can they improve?

I always say, it's not impossible for anyone to change, just very rare.

cazziebo

I'm not so sure. Having seen many of my male friends now go into their second families, the pattern I see is that they are much more involved and demonstrative second time around.

I like to think they realise how much they missed out. But it might be an age thing - typically these guys are late forties early fifties and twenty years ago the world just wasn't so family friendly.

fannyanna

Once again thanks for the posts.

Someone asked whether it’s possible for people to change for the better. Hubby is one of those few that has changed his spots (quite dramatically in my eyes – even his Mum commented on how he’s changed since we’ve been together).

As such I have absolutely no reservations about my husband being a great Father. He has said himself that he’s going to prove to everyone that he can be a great Father (this all stems from the fact that he doesn’t see one of his children).

I suppose this all stems from my fear of labour. Now I know it’s completely normal to be anxious about labour and lots of women get scared but it’s a bit more on the level of a phobia for me. I have got a lot better lately (which is good as we’re now trying to conceive) but I will still be terrified when it happens. And in a way I feel that Hubby would have perhaps been more supportive / understanding if it was all new and scary to him too.

Anyway, I sound a little more crazier with each post so that’s enough from me for today