Question for men - being a Father to children with different Mothers

fannyanna

I'm just wondering if there's any men here who have children with different Mothers and if so how they found it different the second time round?

A lot of people say that things are different with their second child i.e. they're very wary with the first yet with subsequent children they're a bit more relaxed and aren't quite so afraid of breaking the baby lol.

I also get the impression that it's not quite so new or exciting going through pregnancy, birth, new baby etc if you've been there and done it already. Don't get me wrong I know that it's going to be special for each child but I imagine it's never quite the same as with the first baby.

But does having another baby with someone else make it all seem new again?

loracan1

From what perspective are you asking?

From mine, I was the mum of the first two children, my ex went on to have one with his girlfriend, I think he gave the impression he was an old hand at it and how great our two were as babies. I chatted to her a few weeks in and made some comment about 4am being a regular time for their feeds and she turned to him saying he'd claimed ours were sleeping through at 3 weeks (they weren't)


(none of which waffling really answers the question does it:o)

fannyanna

From the perspective of an irrational, crazy, childless woman who has a Husband with children already

I sometimes feel as though my Husband will feel differently from me when we have a child. I feel like when the time comes I will obviously be excited and also quite scared at different stages (mainly pregnancy and labour) but feel like my Husband wont feel the same as he's been there and got the t-shirt.

I guess you could say that I'm jealous that we wont share the "firsts" together as he's already done that with someone else.

And yes I know I'm pathetic :rotfl:

I guess I was just trying to find out from a male perspective to see whether this is the case or to confirm my fears that I'm just being dramatic. I've tried talking to my Husband but he's hardly going to fess up and say "yes, nothing will ever be as special as the birth of my first child with another woman" lol.

jakes-mum

My husband has 2 with a previous partner, have just asked him for you and he is saying nothing!! :rotfl:

From my perspective, I never really thought about the fact he had done it before or it may not be as exciting, but then again I gave him his first son so that was a brand new excitement no-one else had given him

I was more concerned about him loving someone else enough to have children with her which to me has always been about binding two people together rather than a brooken condom behind the local night club :rotfl:.

I suppose, I may not have been the first mother to his children but he doesnt love the others more than mine, he loves them all, the first may be a little bit more special but he never shows it so I really dont know.

Kay_Peel

Going from my own circle of friends and colleagues I would say that the shine had definitely gone off with their second families. Most of them would have preferred to have a stayed a couple but thought it would be unfair to their second wife not to have children. They were hands-off at the baby stage (although were totally in love with the new little person)..... come to think of it they were hands off until the children were at secondary school. :rotfl:

The exceptions were the men who, for whatever reason, had been prevented from playing a part in their first childrens' lives. One unfortunate man is in anguish as he watches his toddler - she's a constant reminder of how much he is misses watching his 10 and 12 year old girls grow up. He is fiercely devoted to his toddler and doesn't want to miss a single second of her development. He's now a house-husband.

1more?

hi op

my situation is different from yours im 1st wife & 1st mother
we have 3 children, dd1 is 14, ds is 9 & dd2 has just gone 1

theres nothing you can do about the "1st" but i just want to say dh is so much better with dd2 he wants to do things for her & enjoys being together as a family, when dd1 & ds were small he was still like a child himself:rotfl: (he reverts back sometimes now but not so often:p)

good luck xx

flutterby_lil

I am currently pregnant with my second child. My partner has one child already. It is our fist together. We are so so very excited as it is our fist child together. It is different for us though as when I was pregnant with my first child my partner at the time left me when I was 12 weeks pregnant, despite being engaged and baby planned.

My partners baby was the result of a one night stand - she was a weirdo who stopped him seeing the child on numerous occasions as she was jealous. We got together and she found out she was pregnant. He has never really had the baby stages before and I have never had a partner with me for the whole pregnancy, or at the birth, or there to do the night feeds.

So even though my OH has a child already and so do I, i feel like it is a first for us.

FBaby

I don't think men think much of it like we female do!! They're happy to have a child with the woman they love and that's the end of it. They don't compare, when they are in the room about to see their new baby, they don't think 'oh, this is very different to when my ex was giving birth'.

My ex has had a new baby with his girlfriend and as far as i could tell was as excited as he was through my pregnancy and birth with me. The baby is now 5 months old and I think he is a much better dad to his new baby girl. His new girfriend needs more support than I did and expect more of him, he has also admitted to a friend of mine a few months back that he now realised that he hadn't been a good partner to me and I think that makes him a much better one to his new partner.

In any case, every pregnancy and child is different, and the excitement you get 2nd, 3rd or more doesn't diminish because you've already been through it.

Ravenlady_2

I get what you mean about firsts, i have 2 other children and 1 + 1 on the way with OH, he was a bit upset and admitted he always wanted kids with someone who didnt have them before which kinda hurt me as he knew I had kids, planned a baby then went all moody for a bit.

It was like I was damaged goods now.

My ex OH is clearly more interested in his 2nd family where as with ours he didnt help feed, clothe or change them. He didnt provide financially, I wasn't even allowed to keep the CB. His new kids are dressed in bench, have cool little DC shoes and when I see him at the school once a week he actually takes his little kids, he never took ours anywhere.

He does pay maintainance which gets to his new gf but again she knew this before she had kids with him although Im sure my kids would give it back if they could just have a weeks worth of what their kids get. - he's never bothered to take ours on holiday but theirs have been to disneyland already.

New OH is a brilliant dad for a 1st timer and he cant wait for #2 to arrive but the nest thing is he treats them all equally, although I have heard him whisper to baby he loves him more but dont tell the rest. pmsl he's 7 months now but he's had 3 years of training with my kids

fannyanna

Thank you all for your posts. You've confirmed that I am indeed crazy however I feel a lot better for it :rotfl:

princessdreamer

I think every child is special. So what if he has other children, my ex has three with me and one step son now. If the GF chooses to have another child (ex didn't want anymore) I'm sure he will be just as good/bad as he was first time around. As for me I have enough kids and intend to enjoy my life as they get older, watching him do nappies again in his 40's will be a good laugh though.