Child maintenance - help!

FBaby

His argument does stand up. It is only because she lives with him that she is able to rent her house and therefore make a profit from the situation. It's as if she is part-renting your house, but has the benefit of a home owner by building up the capital with her house. She is loosing nothing out.

As to say that she is paying your share...considering the negative equity, her contributing towards the mortgage is of no benefit to you. If he really believe in his argument, then make an arrangement to sign your share to her and she can take on the risk of the negative equity of your behalf.

In any case, this argument doesn't take away the fact that he is NOT paying the full mortgage and therefore can't claim that this prevails him from paying csa. She is not paying out 'your' mortgage, he is paying his share and his partner is contributing towards the other half as rent, which allows her to get an income from the renting of her house.

Tell him to stop feeling sorry for himself and that he needs to accept that he has to contribute towards his children.

SuziQ

she may be living in the property, but has no rights over it. she would be mad to make any financial contribution.

Neither should she be having a free ride though-if she has kept her property which is rented out and bringing in income then she is in a pretty secure position, and if she chooses not to marry him then she must take her chances, were they to split up. I expect she has quickly become aware that he is not too hot at managing money, and has decided not to legally tie herself to him for that exact reason!

OP, if it was me, I would ask to have an amicable talk to him and see if he would volunteer a lesser figure of child support that you would accept. For me, the bigger discussion would be around him playing a part in his children's lives: my ex has never paid child support, which is one thing, but what really hurts the kids, and also me, is his cavalier attitude to fatherhood, which results in hims seeing them only 3-4 times a year, when he only lives 9 miles away!

Katherineanton

Thanks Suzi.

Yes, I agree, she has probably realised that he has no idea with money. The strange thing is she has (over the past 3 years) paid for a number of maintenance issues for "my" house such as a new boiler (£3k so I am told), fencing (£2k for the large garden) plus numerous decorating bits and pieces - not something I would be prepared to do to someone I would not commit to (but appreciate we are all different).

Regarding seeing the girls - he has only seen my youngest daughter for one day since March. He took her out for a meal for a few hours but then didn't bother to call her again (he knows he can call her on her own phone or me, there are no issues and I am happy for him to have the girls as and when he likes). He sends a text to her about once a week just asking how was school etc, but never arranging a meeting or weekend out. My daughter is quite grown up and says well if dad can't be bothered, then I don't want to see him. He is very good at making the girls feel guilty - if my eldest wants to stay at my parents for a weekend, he will say things to her like "you spend too much time at nanny and grandads, don't you love me any more?" and the like which then upsets my eldest and she will only see him a couple of times a week.

It's not for me not wanting him to see the girls - I would love it if he would bother, but he is too wrapped up in his own life and issues to really be bothered. I will look at a reduction in the CSA (can the CSA do a reduction if you request it?) but need to figure out how much would be reasonable. He is supposed to pay £260 per month (which is for two children). Does anyone have any thoughts as to what they would class as a reasonable maintenance payment?

Many thanks

Helen42

Kath see if you can find away to get proof that the gf is paying rent as this can be classed as extra income for your ex and the CSA will take that into account too. But please dont give in on this. I know it can be really hard going and emotionally draining. But those little extras for your children that make your life a little easier can make such a difference I never had them I hope other people do xx

SuziQ

My ex and his third wife have put everything into her name so they cant touch his house car or anything.

Helen42, whenever I see this sort of thing, the nasty devil on my shoulder can't help hoping, that they split and that the second wife walks away with the lot! Wouldn't help you, but it would be karma for him!

Katherineanton

Thanks for your comments.

Update - he has offered me one quarter of what the CSA have instructed him to pay. He says that if I continue with the CSA route, he will not be able to pay the mortgage and that I will then have to pay him (approx £15k) for the negative equity. Yet again I said that there are two of them living in the house, surely they can afford the mortgage, but he says that it's my debt again:(

I obviously know what he brings home and can make a very good guess at what their joint income is (incidentally, I am not looking at joint income for CSA payment, just as an idea that they can afford their mortgage) and AFTER paying the mortgage, they are left with approx £1500 per month PLUS her rental income. So, am I being unreasonable or missing something here??

Helen42

Suzi q I was the first wife who had the only child lol. In my mind he gets his just deserts every time he gets a new job they hammer him for the arrears and now after years and years if not bothering he contacted our son who told him where to get off.

Kath, so he has offered you under £100 per month to bring help bring up his children, No you are not being unreasonable. At the end of the day the financial position of your house is separate to the upbringing and stability of your children, may I suggest you put in writing to the csa everything your ex is saying and all that you know/believe is happening with him financially including any proof that she is living at the house and helping to pay. If I remember right from what the enforcement team told me, they work out what the maintenance should be based on his earnings how many children etc. they then give in him a "protected amount" after which they take a percentage. To be honest the best thing he can do for you is to stop paying as then the CSA willl take the maintenance at source i.e. a deduction of wages order to his employer. Please dont give in your children are entitled to financial help from their father especially when a mum like you who like me worked and tried not to use the state as a crutch xxxx

kb92830

I am struggling with this whole arguement. The OP's ex and herself had an agreement at the time of the split regarding the financial responsibilities, albeit not legally ratified . To me an agreement was made and should be stuck too, just because her ex now has a new partner irrespective of where she lives or how wealthy she is should be irrelevant, this should have been considered as a possiblility when the original agreement was made. Should the OP now decide the original agreement is unworkable then the whole package should be reviewed, this will include the property ownership etc. I am assuming the the OP made choices under her own volition at the time and was not forced in to accepting no maintenance. What her ex could argue is that if he is paying a mortgage debt on behalf of the OP he is in fact paying maintenance to a third party to finance a debt that she is legally liable for.

From this statement I am not saying that a NRP should not take responsibility but as with all situations many decisions will have been taken at the time which would have had valid reasons behind them, just because one of the parties now decides things have changed then it is not solely down to the other partner be a safety net.

Katherineanton

Again, thanks for your views.:)

The agreement was that he had the girls 50/50 with me, but he has not had one of them since March this year and the other he only has 2 nights a week, so I don't feel I'm being unreasonable - it's him that has messed up the arrangement.

I have spoken with lots of people to ascertain their views and all I want is for him to show some responsibility towards his children's futures - does anyone think it fair that he cannot be bothered with his children and not pay for them too? Why should it be left for me to have to fund everything they require when he can't be bothered.

Thanks for your support Helen - it's nice to think that someone understands what I am trying to say

Ziggazee

Well said kb92830. The finances of the ex husband's new partner do not come into this at all. There seem to be too many, dare I say it, bitter and twisted ex wives on here. It very much sounds like the OP is showing typical signs of jealousy and doesn't like to see their ex move on with his life.