Child maintenance - help!

Katherineanton

Hello all,

Quick background - I am divorced and live with my partner and my two children (from my ex husband).

When ex and I divorced, he kept on the family home and mortgage - his salary covers this. He now has a girlfriend who lives with him (she has her own house she rents out and contributes towards his mortgage).

Now...here is the issue. Unfortunately, due to negative equity (mortgage £220k - house valued at £195k) I am still on ex's mortgage. He has not seen his children since March and although I hated to do it, I have contacted the CSA to request some maintenance.

I don't expect a lot, I work full time too but just a little to give the girls some pocket money and pay for their clothes. The CSA have written to me and said he will have to pay £260 per month.

The ex phoned me the other day absolutely livid. He says that if I continue to get the CSA to take money for the girls, then he will not be able to pay the mortgage and will have to sell the house or go into arrears. Help! What can I do? I am not on my current partner's mortgage and have no spare money to be able to pay my half of the negative equity if he sells.

I asked him if maybe he could cut back on his hobbies (lots of them, loads of animals which must cost him a lot to keep) and that I don't want to see him out of pocket, but need a little bit of help (I left the house with nothing except for my clothes - he kept everything in it!)

So, my question is; where do I go from here? What are my options? I feel as if I am made to choose what to do - either the girls go without or he gets into arrears with the mortgage and they chase me.

Any advice would, as always, be much appreciated.

Mupette

Don't fall for his blackmail.

The children should be coming first

2sides2everystory

If you are divorced and that was finalised as a jointly agreed thing, then presumably there was an agreed financial settlement?

Clearly it is not ideal for there to still to be a joint mortgage - was that a gambling agreement you made based on a wish to continue playing the housing market rather than take a loss by selling in a recession? Are you saying he's been paying 100% of the mortgage, living in it with your agreement, but you might eventually take a proportion of the equity in the house when he sold?

On the other side of the balance sheet you perhaps informally waived your broad right to 20% or so of his net income as Child Maintenance?

Was that the agreement or was there more to it?

On the face of it, and its a bit late now, perhaps you were better off having not involved the CSA. It's generally thought of as quite an unfriendly step to have taken which clearly was going to take matters out of your ex's control.


But if you and your new partner are in a position to extend your mortgage by £12,500 or £15,000 (your share of the negative equity when you and your ex finally sell) then perhaps that's a fair swap for an extra £260 per month coming in? However, do remember that if your ex loses his job at any time in the future then he may be obliged to pay you nothing.

Depends too on how many more years you expect CSA will ask him to pay maintenance I guess, and whether the house would eventually have netted you a profit had sleeping dogs been left to lie.

fannyanna

As you've basically said yourself something's got to give. To be honest I don't see an alternative.

I guess you've got to decide what is more important to you. Would you rather he continued to be financially responsible for the house and you not receive maintenance or would you rather he paid maintenance but except the risk of negative equity/arrears?

Katherineanton

Hi,

When we divorced I asked for nothing - just 50-50 child care which he is not doing (and now the girls don't want to stay with him anyway). I didn't touch his pension etc.

Also, I am not interested in having some of the equity when he does sell the house in the future. I believe that his girlfriend has lived there with him for the past three years, so that will be her benefit, not mine, as I have not been contributing to the mortgage.

I am not able to find £12-15k for my part of the negative equity - or pay for a loan from my salary.

I only want to be fair - I don't want to see him and his girlfriend in financial ruin, but the girls do cost and I really can't afford to pay for everything myself.

fannyanna

One other thing - is he likely to pay the CSA?

There are a lot of NRP's out there that manage to get away with not meeting their liability. Just because the CSA calculate he needs to pay that much doesn't actually mean that he will.

fannyanna

Katherineanton wrote: »

I only want to be fair - I don't want to see him and his girlfriend in financial ruin, but the girls do cost and I really can't afford to pay for everything myself.

It's very refreshing (and rare lol) to read comments like this.

Katherineanton

fannyanna wrote: »

I guess you've got to decide what is more important to you. Would you rather he continued to be financially responsible for the house and you not receive maintenance or would you rather he paid maintenance but except the risk of negative equity/arrears?

Exactly....this is my dilemma.

I have received one payment from the CSA so far - I've put that towards some school/PE uniform for one of the girls and also put a little bit into a bank account that I have started for them.

Katherineanton

fannyanna wrote: »

It's very refreshing (and rare lol) to read comments like this.

Thank You. Yes, I really am not interested in taking too much from him. I would feel very guilty if it genuinely put him and his partner into difficulties. I wonder if the CSA could arrange for less to be taken from him instead, but still on a monthly basis??

fannyanna

Is there a way or trying to work out the financial consequences of both options.

For example how much do you NEED for the children? Do you actually NEED all the money the CSA has assessed him for? If you only needed £100 of that per month then your ex might be open to a private arrangement and pay you some child maintenance as well as taking financial responsibility for the children.

Whilst I appreciate it should not be the case in your circumstances you might find accepting a reduced level of child maintenance is more beneficial to you in the long run then being chased for arrears or having to find the funds to cover the negative equity.

fannyanna

Katherineanton wrote: »

Thank You. Yes, I really am not interested in taking too much from him. I would feel very guilty if it genuinely put him and his partner into difficulties. I wonder if the CSA could arrange for less to be taken from him instead, but still on a monthly basis??

Cross post but clearly great minds think alike

I don't think the CSA could do that however you could enter into a private arrangement with your ex.

This might sit better with him too. As someone said going to the CSA is sometimes seen as an aggressive step.