Any advise for 18 month old sleeping?

Flora_Poste

Oh for heavens sake.

Its not about leaving them on their own all night cold, scared and hungry.

It's about an eighteen month old learning to sleep through the night which they should certainly be doing by that age. If they are warm, fed and watered and safe in their own beds, then it's just a matter of learning to go to sleep. If they get up or continue crying, settle them back down and leave them in peace to learn to drift off by themselves. The child soon gets the routine. I wouldn't advocate it at eighteen weeks but eighteen months is plenty old enough to be taught what's acceptable.

It's another life skill that needs to be learnt, and the rest of the family needs a good nights sleep to have a good time the next day. The child needs to understand the family routine and be helped into it.

Imagine three or four kids all used to mums attention all day and through the night. The kids will be jealous of each other, the mum and dad will be exhausted and the family will struggle to stay together.

Teenie_D

skintchick wrote: »

I wish I'd opened this thread earlier. your poor baby He has now learned that Mummy and daddy don;t want to know if he is hot/cold/scared/thirsty in the night, that they will leave him to scream and scream until he gives up on them ever coming. how incredibly sad.

THere is so much research to show that CC is dangerous and damaging to children ,and none showing the opposite. Why do people do this to their children? for a baby, their only way of communicating is crying.

http://www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2011/01/cry-it-out-potential-dangers-of-leaving.html
Many many references at the end. You can explore further if you want to by reading Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt.

EastMidsGal wrote: »

What a horrible thread

That baby hasn't learned to sleep through the night, it's learned to repress it's need to be cuddled and reassured because mummy and daddy don't give a ****!!! There are numerous studies showing that leaving a baby to cry releases cortisol which damages brain receptors, and it also alters a child's ability to rationalise emotions later in life.

OP I am sure you are well meaning but I really feel for your poor baby. No one ever said being a parent was easy

:mad::mad: and what a horrible thing to say, how dare you imply that the OP doesn't give a !!!! about her children!!! These 'studies' are just peoples opinions at the end of the day, my Mum certainly didn't use attachment parenting on any of us (5 children) and didn't breast feed (shock horror) are any of us emotionally damaged....not in the slightest!

What is it with some of these threads, why are people so downright rude to posters who don't do things they way they think they should ?!!

digitalphase

OP, I am so glad you got a better night's sleep and LO sleeping through - long may it continue!

skintchick wrote: »

I wish I'd opened this thread earlier. your poor baby He has now learned that Mummy and daddy don;t want to know if he is hot/cold/scared/thirsty in the night, that they will leave him to scream and scream until he gives up on them ever coming. how incredibly sad.

THere is so much research to show that CC is dangerous and damaging to children ,and none showing the opposite. Why do people do this to their children? for a baby, their only way of communicating is crying.

http://www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2011/01/cry-it-out-potential-dangers-of-leaving.html
Many many references at the end. You can explore further if you want to by reading Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt.

What a load of old carp. How on earth does crying as a baby affect you when older? So, because my baby had colic and used to cry for a few hours on end with no way of consoling him, he will have problems later in life? Don't be so soft, of course he won't. And how is that any different to controlled crying? They are still crying at the end of the day.

squashy wrote: »

There is another way.

There are other things you can do then controlled crying.

The very language of it makes me so sad: the child is manipulative, trying to control you, tough love, don't look at them, the child is winning. It's a BABY!! They are meant to instictively want to be near their parents!

Quite a lot of difference between a proper baby and an 18mth old. Of course children can be manipulative, they just don't know the word for it. Pets can be as well. One of my cats follows me around the house when he wants biscuits, sitting so I can always see him out the corner of my eye, running in front of me to get to his bowl as he thinks that's where I am walking. He is trying to get me to do something. Same as the baby, but the baby is more intelligent. This baby has learned that screaming all hours of the night gets mummy and daddy running in and out the room. This is just not acceptable.

squashy wrote: »

I would really advise moving your baby back into your room (either in the cot or in with you) where you will ALL get a lot more sleep, it's not forever as they are babies for such a short time! (Youngest has just started nursery *sniffle*)

You sooo cannot do this. How on earth would you get them to go back in their own room?

No, they should stay in their room and mummy and daddy in theirs.

I guess you both wouldn't advocate super nanny's methods?

digitalphase

EastMidsGal wrote: »

What a horrible thread

That baby hasn't learned to sleep through the night, it's learned to repress it's need to be cuddled and reassured because mummy and daddy don't give a ****!!! There are numerous studies showing that leaving a baby to cry releases cortisol which damages brain receptors, and it also alters a child's ability to rationalise emotions later in life.

Again, what a load of rubbish designed to make the OP feel worse than she already does.

Shame on YOU for accusing her of not caring for her LO - obviously she does give a s$ht or she wouldn't have posted on this forum asking for advice!



Anyway, I thought Cortisol was that mouthwash stuff :rotfl:

Teenie_D

digitalphase wrote: »

Anyway, I thought Cortisol was that mouthwash stuff :rotfl:

PMSL!!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

ticklepenny_2

skintchick wrote: »

I wish I'd opened this thread earlier. your poor baby He has now learned that Mummy and daddy don;t want to know if he is hot/cold/scared/thirsty in the night, that they will leave him to scream and scream until he gives up on them ever coming. how incredibly sad.

THere is so much research to show that CC is dangerous and damaging to children ,and none showing the opposite. Why do people do this to their children? for a baby, their only way of communicating is crying.

http://www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2011/01/cry-it-out-potential-dangers-of-leaving.html
Many many references at the end. You can explore further if you want to by reading Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt.

What a load of twaddle, to be honest it sounds as if her child will learn to settle independently which is a massive life skill and will mean that eventually he will be more independant than a child whose parent rushes in to fuss over them at every opportunity. Having reviewed the research you speak of even the title says it all.... potential.. there is the potential danger that my daughter will fall over when she runs, this doesnt mean that I will stop her from running, climbing trees and generally being a child. Its parents who are scared of too many potentials that has encouraged the health and safety madness that limits the fun to be had as a child.

Teething meant that my DD only slept 5 hours in every 24 hours. I tried all methods to try and get her to sleep and controlled crying was my last option and it worked within 3 nights. It didnt mean I left her freezing with no blankets, dehydrated, or over heating, I made sure she was comfortable before I put her to bed as any parent would. She was not crying because she was scared she was crying because she was tired and couldnt sleep. She now sleeps 7pm-7am and will only wake if there is a problem, so I now go into her to give her a cuddle/change nappy/strip bed/blow her nose/ calpol/ whatever needs doing. I sing twinkle little star, give her a cuddle and she goes back to sleep.

Teenie_D

And at least now when the OP's child cries she knows it's because he is hungry/cold/hot/thirsty/ill etc etc and not just crying because he know's that by doing so will make Mummy and Daddy come running, even though there is nothing wrong.

OP you have done well and found a solution and surely now it makes for much happier household all round with everyone getting their much needed sleep!

annibee

skintchick wrote: »

I wish I'd opened this thread earlier. your poor baby He has now learned that Mummy and daddy don;t want to know if he is hot/cold/scared/thirsty in the night, that they will leave him to scream and scream until he gives up on them ever coming. how incredibly sad.

THere is so much research to show that CC is dangerous and damaging to children ,and none showing the opposite. Why do people do this to their children? for a baby, their only way of communicating is crying.

http://www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2011/01/cry-it-out-potential-dangers-of-leaving.html
Many many references at the end. You can explore further if you want to by reading Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt.

You don't give children or babies much credit do you. Speaking of them as if they are some form of animal that is oblivious to emotional dependency or communication

Hopefully your own children will find a way to be independent from you themselves as it seems you are only keeping them dependant on you for your own satisfaction. very sad.

Children can communicate in many ways my dear there is some fab research (as you seem to be impressed with) on baby signing....you could look that up if you have spare time.

Children are not stupid nor are they unable to teach themselves. they learn through the world every single day. A child who's parent runs at their every cry will learn that crying in fact gets them what they want. I personally have never used CC and wouldn't want to because my personality would find it tough to listen to my own baby crying so much but then that's me personally and I know some wonderful parents who have wonderful children and have used the technique.

Its very sad to me that you think babies and children are not able to communicate in any other way than crying and I really feel for the background you must have had to feel that way. Maybe if you give children more credit and oppoutunities they will surprise you with the mass amount of intellect they already hold at such a young age! Even in the womb a baby can learn the sound of familiar voices. Patterns of light and dark....just amazing amazing lifeforms our babies are.

OP every baby is different and each brings different challenges. You just gotta try a whole range of techniques to see what fits. I hope you are not too disheartened by some of the (quite frankly) ridiculous posts of you not caring for your child and that you see through them to be just people who are incredibly self conscious about their own children becoming too independent and the fear they feel for that.

KiKi

Hi OP

Well done for two nights of CC and now it works, that's great for you.

Now, when your baby cries, you know it's because he needs you, and not out of habit. Please ignore posters who say you are cruel. Many babies DO cry out of habit, not because they need something. If it works for you, and works for your baby, then you're doing really well.

KiKi

balancelife

well done OP! fantastic! keep at the method that is working there and be proud of yourself.

Some of those posts - skintchick and eastmidsgal are just horrible. seriously!! dont let them use their awful narrow-minded nastiness make you feel bad. ugh. Also its very manipulative to say things like "I feel for your poor baby", get a grip.

My little on is 21 months and just started this awful screaming at night when he is put in his cot. never had a problem before with him so its a bit of a shock. last night and the night before he's been awake in the night screaming or calling out. I go to him and tell him its sleeping time, I might pick him up and give him a quick hug and tuck him in again, make sure hes not ill or wet or anything and then leave again. I dont time it, I leave him to cry but I found I can tell the difference with the cries and so I judge when I need to go in to him. Also hes able to communicate a bit more - I might hear "out" "bannana!" "drink" or "mummy/daddy" or just screaming in anger or distress. Our decision is that we arent going to leave him to get totally distressed or if hes scared, but we arent going to start getting him up or feeding him in the night. whatever a parent decides - consistency is the key. for some parents they want to bring the child to their beds, others to leave them to cry, others do pick up put down, others stay in the childs room. there are methods on both sides I wouldnt be happy using but actually what is best is to choose what works for you and yours and to be consistent.

with the bed issue when I read your lo had thrown himself out of the cot I wanted to say I would take the bars off - far less dangerous! and that's what you did. my daughter is 5 now but she went into a bed at 15 months and was fine, and my son shows no signs of needing to be in a bed yet.