Help?!

Bambi1989

Hello all,
May I first apologise for being so miserable etc as this post isn't going to be the happiest one so I apologise for being so miserable. I have registered under a new name as I don't wish to be recognised.

Well I am unsure where to start and I don't want to babble on, at the moment I am going through a really bad time of crying all the time and generally just being miserable.

1)I have been with my fiance for the past 4 years we have been so happy lately but around a year ago I made the biggest mistake and slept with another man. It was one time and I admitted to kissing the man the next day but have only just recently told the full truth. My partner has forgiven me and says he understands and we was going through such a bad patch that he was considering finishing me at that time before it happened. He trusts me 100% as he says the way I have been punishing myself is proof that I regret it deeply.

However I still feel like I am the worse person ever and deserve nothing, as silly as it sounds I don't even think I deserve a trip to the hairdressers or any new clothes etc. So I cried about this for 2 straight weeks I resigned from my job because I was feeling so overwhelmed by everything.

2)Since the weekend I have made myself (literally) worried sick thinking about death about me dying and about people dying. I know it is a fact that everyone dies but I just can't stop these thoughts running through my head. I feel like my head is a massive washing machine that is spinning so fast and just won't stop I can't stop these negative thoughts.

So I guess I just wanted to get everything out, I thought it would help but I still feel as though I have just got a machine rucksack on my back and I am carrying it everywhere, I wish someone would take this rucksack away and stop these damn tears!!!!:(


Thank you for reading and again I apologise for being miserable

Tropez

You should tell this to your GP because they can help you.

Bambi1989

Tropez wrote: »

You should tell this to your GP because they can help you.

I am due to see her tomorrow but I don't know how to ask for help? If that makes sense?

Tropez

Bambi1989 wrote: »

I am due to see her tomorrow but I don't know how to ask for help? If that makes sense?

I can understand that. It can be intimidating.

If you feel comfortable doing so, why not print off or write down (if you don't have access to a printer) what you have said here, explain you're having difficulties and pass it to her for her to read?

By doing this, you relieve yourself of the pressure of asking for help and she will be able to understand what is going on in your mind and then work with you to help you.

GPs see plenty of people with depression and mental health problems and they know how difficult it can be for somebody to ask for help and open up, so just keep telling yourself that she needs to know because she will help you.

Good luck.

Bambi1989

Tropez wrote: »

I can understand that. It can be intimidating.

If you feel comfortable doing so, why not print off or write down (if you don't have access to a printer) what you have said here, explain you're having difficulties and pass it to her for her to read?

By doing this, you relieve yourself of the pressure of asking for help and she will be able to understand what is going on in your mind and then work with you to help you.

GPs see plenty of people with depression and mental health problems and they know how difficult it can be for somebody to ask for help and open up, so just keep telling yourself that she needs to know because she will help you.

Good luck.

I am just unsure as if I tell her she will be disgusted at me for doing what I did and think well it is her own fault and not help

halibut2209

Poor you

There is no way that you can accept your fiance's forgiveness until you can forgive yourself. And that is not easy.

I hope with his love and support that you can find a way to do that. Hugs

DizzyDizzy

Bambi1989 wrote: »

I am just unsure as if I tell her she will be disgusted at me for doing what I did and think well it is her own fault and not help

GP's are not there to pass judgement on you, this is more about you not forgiving yourself (as someone has already said)

I am sure she will want to help you move on and regain your life again.

I think you have to be gentle with yourself and accept the fact you made a mistake, but you have a loving family and a partner who loves you and forgives you.

Bambi1989

halibut2209 wrote: »

Poor you

There is no way that you can accept your fiance's forgiveness until you can forgive yourself. And that is not easy.

I hope with his love and support that you can find a way to do that. Hugs

Thank you so much, I just find it hard to forgive myself,he keeps telling me I have punished myself enough by crying and being sick all the time but I just don't think I deserve to be happy and then I get angry at myself and more down because of how miserable I am and it is effecting him.

Bambi1989

DizzyDizzy wrote: »

GP's are not there to pass judgement on you, this is more about you not forgiving yourself (as someone has already said)

I am sure she will want to help you move on and regain your life again.

I think you have to be gentle with yourself and accept the fact you made a mistake, but you have a loving family and a partner who loves you and forgives you.

Thank you again, I just get so annoyed at myself for doing what I did but even now I can't stop crying I just don't think I deserve to be happy but I want to be happy as I hate crying.

Tropez

Bambi1989 wrote: »

I am just unsure as if I tell her she will be disgusted at me for doing what I did and think well it is her own fault and not help

GPs deal with all sorts of issues, some related to the type of thing that you're going through. Her job is to ensure your wellbeing and whatever personal feelings she may have it is unlikely to be something she hasn't heard before, and it is also unlikely that she will judge you.

People do make mistakes and I'm sure your GP will understand that but most importantly what you did will not matter to her as GPs are far more concerned with the present and the future.

However, there is no requirement that you tell her what you have done, only what you feel now, although it may help her treat you more sufficiently if you are as up-front as you feel you can be.

Bambi1989

Tropez wrote: »

GPs deal with all sorts of issues, some related to the type of thing that you're going through. Her job is to ensure your wellbeing and whatever personal feelings she may have it is unlikely to be something she hasn't heard before, and it is also unlikely that she will judge you.

People do make mistakes and I'm sure your GP will understand that but most importantly what you did will not matter to her as GPs are far more concerned with the present and the future.

However, there is no requirement that you tell her what you have done, only what you feel now, although it may help her treat you more sufficiently if you are as up-front as you feel you can be.

Thank you she really is a lovely doctor, I am generally not a bad person otherwise I help to care for my mother and I volunteer at CAB but I just feel whatever I do I am still a really bad and horrible person, I explained it to my partner as I put myself on the same level as someone that has murdered.