Parents doing my head in!

Savvy_Sue

Mani1978 wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies. I have suggested they get divorced in the past, only for Mum to get annoyed I would suggest such a thing

I know all marriages have there ups and downs, but whether someone has been married for 4 months or 40 years, if it's not working then it really is time to call it a day.

But who says it's not working? Clearly it IS working: your mum can indulge in her martyr complex, your dad can play the hen-pecked husband, they can both let off to you about how awful the other is ...

KxMx wrote: »

You could point out you've offered them home help etc, and the offer is always open Sell it to your Mum not as "someone coming in" but someone to help out so Dad has less chance of doing the wrong thing/ she can get out more without having to worry about housework etc. Basically paint the advantages for her rather than "someone coming in since you can't cope".

That's a good idea: I know I reduced my mum to a quivering wreck (or a hysterical drama queen if you're less charitable) by suggesting that a de-clutterer would help. But pointing out what help is available and asking what they expect you to do about things if they don't want outside help could be a starting point.

BTW, you might also find it convenient not to be so available, certainly not dropping everything and running round at the least little upset. As long as you do, it's expected. It may not be helpful though.

Savvy_Sue

Mani1978 wrote: »

I told him to just put his dishes in the sink as he can't wash them properly. He said 'oh thats right, agree with your mum'. I told him I wasn't taking sides, but they have to help each other.

I'm just wondering why someone with poor vision can't do any washing up, btw. people with next to no sight do learn to cook, wash up and take care of themselves. But it may suit mum not to believe this, because she'd rather work her fingers to the bone taking care of him!

BugglyB

meritaten wrote: »

hun - I have been married for 35 years now and my OH drives me crazy! not big things but 'little' things. Thank the lord I have never whinged to my kids or I would suspect YOU were my daughter! I whinge to the 'universe'. yes, he drives me nuts - but I do love the old goat!
I suspect that your parents know that you know they love each other and are discreet - so its safe for them to whinge to you!!!!
If they didnt whinge and bottled things up - its THEN the situation becomes dangerous. people can act violently if they have no outlet for venting anger, then it builds and becomes bigger in thier minds than it is. havent you seen news reports of many years married couples who suddenly turn on the other with tragic results?
in your mum or dads situation I would love my dd or ds to just listen sympathetically, and when I wound down - remind me why I love OH! or make a joke about it.
I think your parents are using you as a safety valve hun - you dont HAVE to be it - but, only you can judge if stopping this would be a good or bad thing.

I dont think thats really very fair - the OP is not responsible for her parents relationship or mental health, and if something did happen it would not be her fault.

Do your parents not have any friends they could talk to about their problems?

poorly_scammo

I get this b1tching from my parents about each other and recently decided to take action as their nasty, whinging comments about each other have really got to me over the years. I often acted as a parent to them whilst I was growing up and decided I'd had enough.

I have told both of them independently and whilst together that I do not want under any circumstances to hear them moan about each other to me. I am their (only) child and am fed up with feeling as though I'm in the middle and am a sounding board for their frustrations.

They looked sheepish and haven't mentioned each other to me in quite a few months now.