Parents doing my head in!

Mani1978

Hi

as the title says, my parents are really doing my head in. They have been married 40+ years, are both retired, have a good lifestyle - regular holidays, mortgage paid off and no money worries.

Both are in their mid 60's, dad has diabetes and mum is generally ok, but is getting worn out with her high standards of cleanliness and things having to be perfect, ontop of that she takes care of Dad.

I feel like piggy in the middle, whenever either of them call, they whinge about the other, Mum is worse. It's minor things like 'he won't change his top' - and I fully understand that it's the minor things that eventually build up and make a person lose their rag.

I try to help out whenever possible, they are 15 miles away, so I drive down, help with cleaning, shopping, decorating etc, but theres only so much I can do.

I take Mum away for regular shopping trips, but all she does is whinge about Dad. When I spend time with Dad he too goes in whinge mode.

I spoke to Dad earlier who told me he got told off last night for not putting his plate in the sink, he said Mum had washed up and he didn't want to set her off by bringing his plate in last min, so left it on the table. She saw his plate and got annoyed (he has bad vision, but is able to get about).

I told him to just put his dishes in the sink as he can't wash them properly. He said 'oh thats right, agree with your mum'. I told him I wasn't taking sides, but they have to help each other.

I've just had Mum on the phone whinging about Dad again (telling me the plate story) I pretended someone was at the door, so got off the phone.

I have offered to get them hired help, but Mum doesn't want it, what do I do, as it's doing my head in.

thanks for reading

mikey72

A non commital grunt usually works best, followed by turning up the tv or running away.
They've been married for 40+ years, it would be a braver man (or women) than me that gets between a 40 year old fight.

(The door was a good idea)

gratefulforhelp_2

My mum used to do that to me. I called her bluff and said if it was really that bad, she should move in with me for a bit (high risk strategy, maybe, but I meant it).

She realised he was annoying, but not THAT annoying.

martinthebandit

Just a little tip, if they cannot get a word in edgeways they cannot whinge!

And as others have said, you have no chance of changing themafter 40+ years

fannyanna

We must be siblings as my parents are the exact same.

BitterAndTwisted

Tell them that you're not going to get involved in their petty squabbles and that you're not going to listen to their whinging about it any more. You can't fix their problems for them, that's for them to sort out. Sounds to me like they're the sort who thrive on this sort of nonsense. Leave them to it.

CH27

Everytime they start moaning change the subject. Just don't let them get started on their grumbles.
They don't see it as grumbling, they are just telling you about their day.

j.e.j.

Talk about role reversal :rotfl:. Isn't it usually the parent who is telling the kids to stop bickering and squabbling.
Just make it clear to them you're not interested and you're not going to get involved and risk being accused of taking sides. Life's too short!

compareman

:)My mum and dad used to have little spats like this, they had been married for 54 yrs, She used to moan about himn all the time with his "funny Ways" then my dad died suddenly last year.I wonder what she would give to have a spat with him again????. My point is maybe sometimes people we love that moan and groan should be reminded of what they have rather than wasting thier life with the more trivial things in life.:)

Errata

Just keep saying " right ..... yeah.........I see ............ok " because it sounds like both of them just need to have a rant and let off steam. If you really feel you're stuck in the middle, the killer question is "So - what are you going to do about it ?"

sock-knitter

think i must be a sibling also, my parents are just like that. i even told them to get a divorce if things were that bad lol
mum is the one, who dad mut obey,, and me also to some degree, just got back from a quick visit, and told her about my day, she said oh, its alright for some, with a social life. then told her i was thinking of getting a flat 3 miles away, and she was horrified, and has tried talkin me out of it, i only live 2 streets away from them now, and help them a lot, but the house im in now is too big, now my children have moved iut, and i fancy a flat in a quiet area. in fact she made me feel guilty for wanting to move away (only 3 miles)
sorry OP didnt mean to hijack ur thread xxx