Parents doing my head in!

KxMx

You could point out you've offered them home help etc, and the offer is always open Sell it to your Mum not as "someone coming in" but someone to help out so Dad has less chance of doing the wrong thing/ she can get out more without having to worry about housework etc. Basically paint the advantages for her rather than "someone coming in since you can't cope".

paulwellerfan

just leave them to it op....
there still going strong....

pinkshoes

Ignore any moaning, and if either of them starts, just say "oooh, I was reading this thread on MSE the other day blah blah" and just start telling them about someone elses problem!

Mojisola

Errata wrote: »

Just keep saying " right ..... yeah.........I see ............ok " because it sounds like both of them just need to have a rant and let off steam. If you really feel you're stuck in the middle, the killer question is "So - what are you going to do about it ?"

If you can stand it, this could be the best way to go. Letting of steam to you might be what's keeping them together.

CH27 wrote: »

Everytime they start moaning change the subject. Just don't let them get started on their grumbles.

They don't see it as grumbling, they are just telling you about their day.

If you can't let it wash over you, follow this advice.

meritaten

hun - I have been married for 35 years now and my OH drives me crazy! not big things but 'little' things. Thank the lord I have never whinged to my kids or I would suspect YOU were my daughter! I whinge to the 'universe'. yes, he drives me nuts - but I do love the old goat!
I suspect that your parents know that you know they love each other and are discreet - so its safe for them to whinge to you!!!!
If they didnt whinge and bottled things up - its THEN the situation becomes dangerous. people can act violently if they have no outlet for venting anger, then it builds and becomes bigger in thier minds than it is. havent you seen news reports of many years married couples who suddenly turn on the other with tragic results?
in your mum or dads situation I would love my dd or ds to just listen sympathetically, and when I wound down - remind me why I love OH! or make a joke about it.
I think your parents are using you as a safety valve hun - you dont HAVE to be it - but, only you can judge if stopping this would be a good or bad thing.

Mani1978

Thank you all for your replies. I have suggested they get divorced in the past, only for Mum to get annoyed I would suggest such a thing

I know all marriages have there ups and downs, but whether someone has been married for 4 months or 40 years, if it's not working then it really is time to call it a day.

FATBALLZ

They need to spend more time away from each other. This happens sometimes with old married couples who suddenly have to spend more time with each other (retirement, kids moving out etc.). My partners parents used to pick petty squabbles with her and then once she moved out they turned on each other and got divorced. Maybe they should get part time jobs to give something else to do.

adamantine

oh god every single day my parents moan at me about each other. i just turn off and put in the appropriate "uhuh.....yes....no....of course...really" noises while planning my next weeks menu or what im wearing on my next night out or remembering i need to book in for a bikini wax again!

meritaten

Mani1978 wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies. I have suggested they get divorced in the past, only for Mum to get annoyed I would suggest such a thing

I know all marriages have there ups and downs, but whether someone has been married for 4 months or 40 years, if it's not working then it really is time to call it a day.

The fact she gets annoyed is because she LOVES him! doesnt mean he doesnt do her head in! or she HIS! havent you heard of 'Cant live with them Cant live without them?'

They dont get along, they wind each other up, jeez - story of my marraige! BUT, I am the only one allowed to criticise him! I defend him to the kids, I run interference with him and the kids (cos he is gruff and overbearing - but I KNOW he would lay down his life for them) and they dont understand this. I often feel I am the interpreter - if the kids want something from my OH they speak to me first! if they ring up and OH answers they ask for ME! then I put thier case to OH! after a lot of bluster and a lecture to me about how they should be managing their affairs - he does exactly what they asked for if not more! He LOVES them! My OH is a good person, a good husband and a great father - but, he is the most irritating person on earth to live with! I spend a lot of time muttering to the universe (and occasionally posting whinges on MSE) about how damn infuriating he is! I have to say I can quite understand how a spouse could just have enough of the 'irritations' and strike out!

Maybe your parents are like this? but your parents choose to vent through you?

Kay_Peel

It sounds like your parents are very fortunate. If that's all they've got to worry about then they are blessed. They won't know what they've got until it's gone, unfortunately.

They probably feel so much better after they've offloaded all their minor grumbles onto you. They don't expect you to do anything, just listen, and I bet that they don't realise that it burdens and drags you down.

Don't encourage them by making helpful suggestions. Listen without comment and move the conversation to things about you and your life. Yawn. Interrupt them to supposedly answer the door or turn off the oven. Leave them to it because really they need to get out more and enjoy what they've got.

Good luck!