Should I overpay on my partners mortgage ... Yay or Nay??

Sepa74

Sorry, just saw you have kids... so that would affect how things were divided between you if you split. BUT the rest of my advice still stands!!

Don't end up poor and miserable because you looked after him and forgot to make sure you could stand on your own two feet without him.

DarlingBuds

Sepa74 wrote: »

And if that seems harsh, do you know what, many financial advisers would say that because you are in a relationship, and have a shared life together, your share of all expenses, including the mortgage, should be in proportion to your earnings. That means if he earns 3x you, then you should only be paying 25% of ALL expenses, so you are being very generous going halves.

I've just worked out I pay 46% of the bills (not including the extra overpayments I do) which is 93% of my monthly income!!! :eek:

Thank god my payrise kicks in this month! :j I've always made sure the family is ok, but I think you're right, I've been stung before, so I think I should put the money to one side and at least have something to fall back on if the worst happens...

Sepa74

I think that's an excellent idea

And I would also stop paying anything extra for him. The CCs are currently 0% which is great, but they're in your name, which isn't great. At the very least he should be paying for these, either by you reducing how much you pay for the household expenses, or him actually paying them.

And although it's hard to see someone p*ss*ing money down the wind, sometimes you need to let them do it - he won't change if you keep shielding him from the consequences of his actions.

Lois_E

Nothing much to add, but just want to say I agree with everything Sepa's said. Please make sure your financial position is secure, and don't let him keep thinking he can get you to pay way more than your fair share without getting anything to show for it.

SeriouslySeekingtoSave

Thirded! It's horrible to have to think this way but people get stung over money. Two of my friends in long term relationships have had things turn sour. The latest one he didn't try to stiff her for money and gave her more than half of their savings (he earned over twice her salary as well) because she was left with the cats, her two parents and the rent on the house to upkeep. The other one didn't end so tidily. Ten years on and the financial pain is finally starting to vanish!

Look after yourself. I've come to the conclusion that with the possible exception of your parents (depending on your parents - mine are awesome ) you can only really rely on yourself to look after your financial well being.

Lois_E

DarlingBuds wrote: »

Ha, ha! Well it's his house, his mortgage, I'm not on any of the paperwork. All his. He brought this house 4.5 years ago, we've been together 11 yrs and have done up properties the last 9 yrs

I'm wondering why this is. If you'd been living together for more than 4 years by the time you bought this house to live in together, why is he the only one on the paperwork?

originator

Budsy Are you mad? or just blinded by love?

originator

Either way......get a firm grip on your own finances and let the boy flounder(I know it's hard but please don't keep bailing him out).

DarlingBuds

Lois_E wrote: »

I'm wondering why this is. If you'd been living together for more than 4 years by the time you bought this house to live in together, why is he the only one on the paperwork?

We have spoken about this before and said it might throw up issues with his mortgage company........?

He said today that he would always pay me the money back and never let me live without a home. I want to trust him, but like many people say, you just never know later on......

DarlingBuds

SeriouslySeekingtoSave wrote: »

Look after yourself. I've come to the conclusion that with the possible exception of your parents (depending on your parents - mine are awesome ) you can only really rely on yourself to look after your financial well being.

Unfortunately I'm astranged from both my parents who are a nightmare with money anyway! Dad spent a £72K payout in 2 yrs plus an extra £30K and mum spent 50K in 2 yrs and only cares about paying for my brother (who's nearly gone to prison twice!)

Think it's just down to little ol' me!