Should I overpay on my partners mortgage ... Yay or Nay??

DarlingBuds

I've been with my partner 11 years, not married and have been living together for 9.

I want to help him become mortgage free asap and want to start overpaying his mortgage every month.

I'm not on the deeds and it's HIS mortgage. Do you think this is a wise move?

I'm only asking as I feel that sometimes his heart isn't in it and he doesn't seem bothered/interested in the fact we could save so much.

I took all his credit card balances off him about 2 years ago to my 0% cards and have paid off about £5K, with £6K left.

What are your thoughts? To pay off, or not to pay off...??

Angela_D_3

If you are happy despite knowing deep down you could lose every penny to still pay it off then go ahead.
Chances are as long as you keep a record of the payments you would be awarded your money back at least if you split but then chances are you'd be forcing him out of his home, could you do that ?
If it was me I would pay your share of the bills and perhas something towards the mortgage, rent kind of thing, but then it's up to him what he does with that money.

DarlingBuds

I pay for Childcare, Gas, Elec, Phone, Internet, Petrol, Mobile Phones, All Shopping (food and clothes), TV Licence, Cars, Insurance and all Credit Cards (there are 3).

I've got a payrise at my job starting this month and would have an extra £250 a month.

I seem to work out all the finances all the time, but he just doesn't have the drive.

I've saved him so much money over the years and really want him debt free so he doesn't have to keep doing the job he hates!

I know if I give him more money (i.e. 'rent') he spends it on stupid stuff like DVD's we've already got, ebay items, alcohol etc

newgirly

If I were you I would save the money instead, then in the future you could overpay it if he was on the same wave length as you spending wise.
It sounds harsh, but with mortgage rates and savings rates so close together you might not lose as much saving instead of oping as you think. Hopefully one day he will see the benefits, but you really can't force someone to stop spending if they don't want to, lots of us have partners that are not as on board as ourselves wanting to be debt/mortgage free, unfortunatly in your case you don't have quite as much control with it being his mortgage.

Good luck with whatever you decide

uzubairu

I'd save the money that you want to overpay with into a separate account in your name even a Regular Savings account (some paying up to 8%).
You can make a lump sum payment at a later date.

If he hates his job and wants some financial freedom/stabilty then he needs to come to that realisation, and until then you'll be banging your head against a brick wall.
He may be thinking that he doesn't need to bother because you keep everything in check and sort out all the bills.

My OH used to be really rubbish with money and I ended up taking over the finances when we bought our first house together, because prior to that he was always late with his portion of the bills.
Even as a MFW, I had to do most of the budgetting and to see him waste some his money each month did bother me a little (OH earns £15K p.a. more than I do).
In the end I just ramped up the amount I needed from him to go into the bills account (only I have access to it) to include overpayment money.
Whenever he gets overtime, a pay rise or a bonus, I expect a minimum of 50% of the net gain (he can do what he likes with the rest).
It's a system that works for us both, especially now that we are both on the same page.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), over the last few years, he had come round to seeing the potential benefits of not having the mortgage.
Redundancies at work have been a contributing factor.

I hope you can find a way to convince your OH, but I don't think it will be easy.

DarlingBuds

uzubairu wrote: »

He may be thinking that he doesn't need to bother because you keep everything in check and sort out all the bills.
Whenever he gets overtime, a pay rise or a bonus, I expect a minimum of 50% of the net gain (he can do what he likes with the rest).
It's a system that works for us both, especially now that we are both on the same page.

Yes I think he does think he doesn't need to bother! I have suggested the 50% thing, but it just seems that he's happy to have the overpayment, providing he doesn't have to change!

Considering he earns 3 times the amount I do, I seriously wonder sometimes why I am doing all the payments to credit cards etc when they are his bills too!

DarlingBuds

newgirly wrote: »

If I were you I would save the money instead, then in the future you could overpay it if he was on the same wave length as you spending wise.

I think that's exactly it. He isn't on the same wave length and it's that which is worrying me. I'll do anything to make his life better, but I think he likes the idea of it, but providing he doesn't have to change, it's fine! :mad:

C_Mababejive

You sound like a great girl. come live with me. I will run up some debts and you can..erm....pay them off for me !

Whats the score with the house? Do you own it/part own it/have a beneficial interest?

How did you come to live there?

DarlingBuds

C_Mababejive wrote: »

You sound like a great girl. come live with me. I will run up some debts and you can..erm....pay them off for me !

Whats the score with the house? Do you own it/part own it/have a beneficial interest?

How did you come to live there?

Ha, ha! Well it's his house, his mortgage, I'm not on any of the paperwork. All his. He brought this house 4.5 years ago, we've been together 11 yrs and have done up properties the last 9 yrs

C_Mababejive

DarlingBuds wrote: »

Ha, ha! Well it's his house, his mortgage, I'm not on any of the paperwork. All his. He brought this house 4.5 years ago, we've been together 11 yrs and have done up properties the last 9 yrs

And have you thought about the future and where you live or might live instead of just being a lodger?

Sepa74

I'll be honest, I think you are putting yourself in a very precarious financial position. If your relationship ends (and let's hope it doesn't) you will have paid him a LOT of money, but will have absolutely nothing to show for it because you are not married. There is no such thing as 'common law' marriage in the UK, even though many people think there is, so you would not be entitled to any portion of the house, although that would change if you had children.

About the only good thing about the situation is that you haven't been paying him any rent! But by the sounds of it you've been paying your share of rent by paying off his CCs etc.

If you want to help him pay off the mortgage quicker, get him to give you a share in the house - you will need to become tenants in common to ensure it's all watertight.

I would strongly recommend you work out what you should be paying in rent and housekeeping (ie half what the mortgage is) and ONLY pay that, whether it actually goes towards credit card repayments, housekeeping etc. Everything else should go into a personal savings account in your name, and YOU keep it for yourself.

And if that seems harsh, do you know what, many financial advisers would say that because you are in a relationship, and have a shared life together, your share of all expenses, including the mortgage, should be in proportion to your earnings. That means if he earns 3x you, then you should only be paying 25% of ALL expenses, so you are being very generous going halves.

You also need to start thinking about pensions and long term investments - do you have a personal pension or will you be relying on the state? Again, because you aren't married, you can't rely on his pension, so you will need to look after yourself. So many women end up in poverty because they rely on the man in their life for their pension, but you can't do that because you're not married.

My suggestion is that you pay your half of all the household expenses ie rent plus housekeeping and everything else that you save you keep for yourself, and see an IFA to make sure you your pension arrangements mean you can support both of you if you need to after you retire.

Frustrating though it may be to see him wasting money by not paying the mortgage, please please please make sure you are financially secure by keeping your own savings and finances separate from his.