Can he do this????

ScottishMum

Just looking for some advice.

Seperated from husband 2 months ago. Hadnt been getting on for a long time, but he had been in touch with someone else online before leaving. After being together 7 years, all i got left was a note, such a coward.

Anyway, im beginning to have more good days than bad with the immense support i have had from friends and family i have managed to keep going from my child.

Can I have a say in when I think is a suitable time for her to meet this new partner??? I am not happy that he thinks he can introduce her to this female and not consult me regarding it. My daughter has been through enough, with her father leaving, starting school and constantly having to reassure her that her mum is going aswell.

She is a different little girl, has lost her confidence and isnt as outgoing and socialable as she used to be.

Just wondering if anyone can advise please. He thinks that he can just tell me how it is, happened a lot in the 7 years we were together but Im not standing for it any longer.

Thanks in advance.
p.s. im in scotland if this makes any difference.

pigpen

He can introduce her to whoever he likes and there is nothing you can do about it.

You can explain to him why you do not think it would be good for DD to meet his new partner but you cannot make him do anything

January20

Following on from Pigpen's post: which also means that you can do what you want and introduce her to whoever and he can't say anything. You wouldn't want him to interfere in your life would you?

As for your little girl, she will recover. If she has just started school, she is very young and therefore she will get used to it more easily than if she was an older child. She is also probably picking up on your unhappiness and as you start feeling better, getting both your lives organised and back on track, she will be fine.

Bumpmakesfour

It is REALLY soon though so even though technically you can't stop it I can totally see why you're concerned. Hugs xx

vik6525

mhairibramwell wrote: »

Just looking for some advice.

Seperated from husband 2 months ago. Hadnt been getting on for a long time, but he had been in touch with someone else online before leaving. After being together 7 years, all i got left was a note, such a coward.

Anyway, im beginning to have more good days than bad with the immense support i have had from friends and family i have managed to keep going from my child.

Can I have a say in when I think is a suitable time for her to meet this new partner??? I am not happy that he thinks he can introduce her to this female and not consult me regarding it. My daughter has been through enough, with her father leaving, starting school and constantly having to reassure her that her mum is going aswell.

She is a different little girl, has lost her confidence and isnt as outgoing and socialable as she used to be.

Just wondering if anyone can advise please. He thinks that he can just tell me how it is, happened a lot in the 7 years we were together but Im not standing for it any longer.

Thanks in advance.
p.s. im in scotland if this makes any difference.

You cant 'do' anything, as others have said. But it may be worth trying to have a civil chat with him about how you feel its too soon, and how you worry about your little one.
Hugs to you.Try and keep calm, and keep the lines of communication open. And when you feel yourself getting angry, remember that he IS at the end of the day your daughters father, and any anger you feel really shouldnt been 'shown' to her.
Good luck xx

NAR

Explain you do not want DD confused and upset and could he wait until this is a steady relationship of his, say 6 months.

bluenoseam

Ultimately what he does is up to him and so long as it's not illegal or dangerous there's not much you can do about it. It might also be worthwhile, before you start assuming that your daughters change in personality is purely down to this change to consider asking at school to see if anything has happened at school - while i'm not saying that events haven't had an effect, she has a LOT going on right now and her Dad leaving is just one thing in a whole list of stuff going on. Personally i would suggest that her father being open with his new partner is actually better, i don't buy the premise of people thinking that kids shouldn't meet partners before "it's serious", ultimately if the child gets to know the person prior to anything serious i think long term it would probably be better for them, rather to introducing them after a period of time or if they suddenly get engaged.

Don't concern yourself with him, you have yourself and your daughter to look after - speak with her and see what's troubling her, but the one thing i'd avoid is badmouthing her father infront of her, nothing worse than parents who turn kids against their fathers because it didn't work out.

MrsBryan_2

I don't want to be as blunt because I do really feel for you.....but unfortunately, as the other posters say, there's nothing you can do about it. My SIL left my brother after 20 years and a month later moved the kids in with her new bloke.....and my brother couldn't do anything about it. He just had to make sure the kids best interests were at heart and thats it, as annoying as it was. Unfair, but true.....:(

cheepskate_2

Agree with what everybody else says, BUT if you keep good communications and keep the split good then he may take a lot more of what you say into consideration, than if you two argue with each other about everything.

sometimes you have to do things, to get where you want , iykwim.

VfM4meplse

Firstly big (((hugs))) for what you have been through.

I think it is totally inappropriate that your ex wants to introduce his new partner to your daughter so soon. My concern is that he is completely insensitive to other's feelings, judging by the way he left you and that he doesn't see the new partner as the factor that destroyed your family unit, ie as being material to your break-up. In your position I would be wondering what's coming next?

Treat him like Pavlov's dog. I would suggest supervised visits under your roof only, if he has the nerve to want to bring his new partner into your environment then he is either just stupid, or possibly suffers from a social disorder. Oh yes and btw take him to the cleaners when the time comes.

jonty1970

Are you now on good terms with your ex?
If you are, it will be easier to talk about what's best for your daughter.

I threw my first husband out, due to his drinking and violence. The last straw was when he attacked me in front of our two small children.

When he got a new girlfriend, only a few months after we split, she was insanely jealous, because we had kids together I suppose and he used to come and drop money off and come and see them.

She wrote me a couple of horrible letters, calling me allsorts. I'd never met this woman in my life!

I told him he couldn't take the kids to his house, and that I would take them to his fathers and he could see them there, alone.

He never bothered going and never saw them again.

My kids were 3 and 18 months at the time. His loss!

But in my opinion, you can tell him to only come to your home or meet at a relatives house for a while, so your daughter gets used to the split.

Why the rush to meet the new girlfriend?