civil partnership question?

pigpen

I would tell the close families a couple of days before that it is what you are going to do.. not when or where or anything.. just .. we are going to do this at some point in the near future..

My brother sneaked off and got wed and it absolutely broke his dads heart.. he said he would rather have known they were going so he could wish them well than have it thrown in his face when they got back.. it spoiled it for my stepdad and my brother and caused a massive rift and issues 20 years later with the wife.

jackyann

I am reminded of Lord Peter Wimsey's wedding; he sent a telegram the night before to close family, saying "if you want to see me married, be at Oxford (oh, can't remember the church!)"

I think this is so personal, no-one else knows the family dynamics, but I think the fact that you have posted at all shows you are feeling a bit uneasy.

Alibat

I totally agree with juliedotcom and pigpen about telling your families.

My OH's brother sprang a surprise wedding on the family. Years later the family still hasn't recovered from the hurt, upset and arguments it caused (some knew, some didn't, including the groom's daughters, it was a total mess), and I doubt it ever will.

Yes it is your and your OH's day, and if you don't want them there your families would be wrong not to respect your wishes. But please don't leave them feeling excluded from celebrating with you, even if it's just sending you a card.

Good luck and congratulations. :beer:

andthethreebears

I read this last week and thought what a fantastic article it was, have a read!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/sep/03/secret-weddings-ceremonies-readers-stories?cat=lifeandstyle&type=article

Whatever you choose to do, the only people you have to consider are yourself and your partner!

Marisco

Alibat wrote: »

I totally agree with juliedotcom and pigpen about telling your families.

My OH's brother sprang a surprise wedding on the family. Years later the family still hasn't recovered from the hurt, upset and arguments it caused (some knew, some didn't, including the groom's daughters, it was a total mess), and I doubt it ever will.

Yes it is your and your OH's day, and if you don't want them there your families would be wrong not to respect your wishes. But please don't leave them feeling excluded from celebrating with you, even if it's just sending you a card.

Good luck and congratulations. :beer:

That (in bold) probably caused the most trouble!!! I think everyone should know, or no one!

ellies_angel

I got married 3 weeks and 1 day ago. Me and beloved went on holiday to Spain and popped over to Gibraltar to tie the knot. It was all planned and we told no-one until after the event. His children, our parents, families and friends were all delighted for us and for us. It was the perfect day.

ViolaLass

I'll get shot down for this but I think if a couple get married and choose to tell no one (either before or at all), the people who are hurt when they find out should remember that the marriage was not for them and is not about them. I think the idea of letting it cause rifts that go on for 20 years is ridiculous (and indicates that all was probably not well between certain family members anyway).

downshifted

Talk to each other and make a decision together - in agreement. Start your partnership as you mean to go on. If you can't do that - don't do it!!!

robpw2

i would say do what you have/want to do .. its your life if i ever got married i would want everyone there so( i can get presents lots of them) they can share my love that i have for Matt however he would prefer no-one to be there as he hates being centre of attention

notsayingaword

OP, you have to do what you feel right doing. DH and I got married without telling inviting anyone except our parents. We booked a date at the local registry office and just told our parents a couple of weeks before so they would be available to be our witnesses. We kept it quiet from everyone else until afterwards and announced it on facebook. People were mostly happy for us but some were a little hurt at not being told. I don't regret it though as I didn't want a circus performance and we're now celebrating our 2nd anniversary today .