Do i end my 19yr marriage?

euronorris

saffiedale wrote: »

i agree with you there. we hold hands everynight but the goodnight kiss that we do once every week or so never turns into anything. its not nice when someone plays with you boobs and then dont do anything else.

OK, well then you need to tell him that. SOmething along the lines of 'I really love our hugs and kisses, but please would you not play with my boobs unless you intend to take it further as it leaves me very frustrated and wondering why you stop there.'.

saffiedale_2

euronorris wrote: »

Ah thanks, but no need to feel sorry for me.

My drive is fairly high, but you know, I need time to rest too and sometimes I just want to hug and kiss and that's all.

I'm sure OH and I will work it out if we keep chatting. His drive has always been high, but it's been higher lately. I know the reason why, it's just difficult getting OH to see that is what is affecting his drive.

mine is low realy but his is lower... you have made me smile:o theren are some lovely people on hear and then there are some who can be spitefull but then i asked for all your help. what should i expect.

lostinrates

saffiedale wrote: »

thank you so much for that. no he would not? i seem to of got into the wrong forum? i did not think this page was just money saving? i thought we had all got people to share our problems with? feel like i may of upset someone?

I'm not upset, if that's what you think (tbh I'm not clear from your post if that is what you think), so please don't worry about that..I'm not sure why you'd conclude it from my post though. Reading back others posts I can't see anyone has been unkind, though I can see people have suggested very different interpretations for you to think about in order to perhaps help. (and it would seem to me this is the appropriate place to post) I can't help but wonder as a result of this and the comment about spiteful people if it happens sometimes between you and your partner, that you misinterpret something and become a little defensive?

All I'm trying to say in my shorter post is if he'd hate a divorce (as you stated) and he'd hate relate (as you stated) than if you say you are unhappy he has a choice to make if you tell him you are unhappy...to work through it with you with a third party or give up and divorce.

He sounds loving towards you in other ways. I agree with the poster who suggestted a trip to the GP. Has he had his prostate checked, for example? The fact he does more than hug and kiss suggests he does still want a degree of intimacy, which is positive for you.


fwiw, IME sex drive is variable, not just between people but throughout times in life. Health, stress etc all really impacts on people very differently. Particularly if this is a change in sex drive then it should be checked out IMO. Whether he likes it or not....prostate problems are not uncommon.

gonzo127

saffiedale wrote: »

this afternoon we have taken the dog out and he never let go of my arm, he pulled me to him to kiss me? and its like two different men? wish he could be like this most of the time. what is weird is we stop to talk to man and they were talking about us women. he said that you will never understand them? i said well you lot dont know how to show your feelings. he said to this man well they forget we have feelings too. so i said well why do you lot act so tough ect and let your feelings show abit and we may understand you lot.. lol. conversasion went on and then we went on our way. then within 5 mins i was getting the hug and kiss. and no i do not have depression but pain wears you down. thank you to all of you who realy have put some good ideas and thoughts of how i may come across to him. and sorry if this forum is not for the likes of me asking you guys for help. big hug to the kind words.

really glad you have had a better day, and to be honest i dont get the people who get upset that someone is asking for help, in my mind if someone doesn’t want to help they don’t have to read the post.

saffiedale_2

gonzo127 wrote: »

really glad you have had a better day, and to be honest i dont get the people who get upset that someone is asking for help, in my mind if someone doesn’t want to help they don’t have to read the post.

big big thankyou fro the bottom of my heart. and no there are no protate probs.... poor lad had the finger test 4 weeks ago. owch. x

saffiedale_2

euronorris wrote: »

OK, well then you need to tell him that. SOmething along the lines of 'I really love our hugs and kisses, but please would you not play with my boobs unless you intend to take it further as it leaves me very frustrated and wondering why you stop there.'.

sorry that i put on the end of your post. did not realize that you are answering to that person. you have given my lots of good advice. sorry if you thought i ment you.

saffiedale_2

euronorris wrote: »

OK, well then you need to tell him that. SOmething along the lines of 'I really love our hugs and kisses, but please would you not play with my boobs unless you intend to take it further as it leaves me very frustrated and wondering why you stop there.'.

as i went for a shower last night i got the boob grab again. i said please dont do that if you carnt follow it through. he smilled and said, but i can? we sat holiding hands in bed watching tv.

saffiedale_2

we spent 5 nights in dorset and i realy did hope the romance of the place would help us out. we did not argue untill the last night, we held hand, watched dvd, had nice meals out, but not a hint of us making love. i was so upset and hurt that i am asahamed to say i told him that maybe if i got a sex partner and we just carried on then we would be ok? yes it was unkind of me but i wanted a kiss and cuddle. i said what would you do if i did that? he said id not speak to you for a day or so........... its not normal? did he mean it? yet as we were due to come home i had icecream and i said do you want a lick? he laughed and said anytime? im sure he is just leading me on? i realy carnt go on this way. there were no pressures, lovely quite room in pub and sometimes we were only ones there. my head is done in.