I am a HORRID friend. Vent alert!

Hollie84

Hugs to you
Id be pretty upset to that id picked a date to suit my friend then her not to come and id probably feel resentfull towards her aswell.its your big day and you want the people there that mean something to you to share your day so i totally understand where your coming from.

joho

We planned our wedding for a Monday, so that several people could take a 5 day holiday to be there. Then all of those that said they would do that, declined the invitations.
My H2Bs step-daughter was one of the first people to accept, and then a couple of months later said she couldn't go after all because she couldn't get anyone to look after the cat.
Another friend, who was the first person we told and who immediately accepted, later declined because his mum had booked him a holiday for the same time. Incidentally, we received a STD for HIS forthcoming wedding yesterday. We won't be attending, for various reasons -not just because he isn't coming to ours.

So I feel for you jojo, and completely understand where you are coming from. You've said she was an on/off friend anyway, so maybe things like this are just hastening the end of the friendship. People do grow out of some friends and long distance friendships are hard to maintain with busy lives.

One good thing about attending her wedding would be a holiday!

jojo2004

Thank you to all (most) of you. A few replies - she's not based in HK, but Singapore, so no idea if the doubling up on BHs is still true. TBH, it's the fact that she was very keen on us choosing the 7th Jan rather than the 14th (we had several conversations about it), and then weeks after we'd done that, at least in part so she could come, she has totally gone back on that.

I do know it's a long way to come for a wedding - but she manages to do it for other friends - she picks and chooses. She has NO money worries - so that's not an issue. She's come back for weddings of school friends, but not for either of us Uni friends who have got married/have a wedding coming. Had she said from the outset - 'well, delighted for you, great news. Sadly I won't make it, but hope you have the best day', this whole thing would have blown over by now. She didn't do that. She did the opposite - got excited, said she couldn't wait to be there, said that the choice of date might make the difference between her being able to be there or not, then changed her mind. I guess joho, maybe you're right - maybe the friendship is drawing to a natural close.

I think that the tone of her message was what made it all flare up - it was 'I'm getting married -you'll all be there, right?' and the first thing I thought was 'Why the hell should I be? You don't care enough to come to my wedding.'

Anyway, I've had my vent, so thank you!

Oh, and 'radiography' - go troll somewhere else. BORING.

roses

The worst people are the ones who you book a special meal for due to diet requirements then cancel on the day leaving you with paid for empty seats! I had that on my wedding day and I am still annoyed with the couple in question.

Kaye1

radiography wrote: »

I don't think it was a harsh respone. If I saw that someone had written about me in that way, with all the sarcasm and vitriol, I would not consider that person to be a friend of mine. Ergo, OP comes across as nasty and just as bad as her "friend".

'Sarcasm and vitriol,' - get a grip! Go and look up vitriol in a dictionary.

purple.sarah

radiography wrote: »

Sounds like you're all pretty unpleasant. Surely life's too short to get upset about such pettiness?

Everyone's wedding is really important to them, but I've been to a lot - they're all bloody boring to attend.

I'd say it's best to treat others as you would wish to be treated, regardless of whether you get the same in return. That means politely extending congratulations in as sincere a sense as you can muster.

Somewhat less traditionally, I also believe that you should stop talking to people who annoy you. I don't understand this - predominantly female - habit of calling people "friends" when they have some kind of a grudge against them, or even flat-out despise them. If you like them, get over it. If you don't, cut them out of your life.

Passive-aggressively replying to Facebook messages is no way to waste any of your years on this planet.

My emphasis. From your post I take it you would wish to be called unpleasant and told your wedding will be bloody boring and to get over it, since that's how you're treating others? :rotfl:Take your own advice!

purple.sarah

It is frustrating that she was demanding about the date and then decided not to attend. However there was always a chance she wouldn't attend given the distance.

I think there is a distance in this friendship not just geographically but emotionally. It seems like you've grown apart and it may be time to accept that she won't be there for you the way you want her to.

I can understand why you wouldn't go to the expense and inconvenience of attending someone's wedding when they wouldn't do the same for you. Try to be the bigger person by saying congratulations but sadly you won't be able to attend. And then get on with enjoying your wedding with supportive people around you!

SUESMITH_2

some friendships have a natural shelf life and maybe you've reached the end of this one. i would have been angry as well

asharon

she made a choice that going to a wedding was not worth 5 days of holiday. I dont blame her they are boring. I would rather use holiday to see the person when you can actually talk and interact with them.

You need to decide if you want to be friends. If you do then be friends, if not then dont be.

There's only one person you need to be with you on your wedding day.

POPPYOSCAR

She does not sound like the kind of person I would like to have as a friend. Why would you even think of going to hers?