Is my hate justified?

Hagar_uk

Well I a impressed that you managed to do that, I on the whole am a very forgiving person, and don't hold grudges. In this case its still ongoing (she is trying to get as much access to my son anyway she can)I wish I could forget and forgive, but its harder when my son is involved

skintchick wrote: »

It doesn't matter if the person is sorry (I know my rapist isn't), you have to make a conscious decision to forgive the person for the hurt you feel, and to move on. It helps to say it out loud. With my rapist, I managed it first time, once I'd worked through the issues, but with my friend's murderer it took me years to manage it. And even then I didn't feel it, but making the decision and saying it out loud helped me work towards feeling it. And years later, I realised that I HAD forgiven him, and it was very very freeing.

I think you probably are channelling all your anger at this woman. Would a bit of counselling help? The Samaritans are quite helpful, I have found, and you can talk to them without worrying about what they think of how you feel, which is helpful when working through difficult emotions.

Hagar_uk

Thanks for everyones words of advice, being an idiot, I failed to listen to them or words of my Ex's mother, who mirrored advice below, which was bascially shut up, don't rock the boat, even if you think your right, if you say anything it will get you nowhere, as a bloke with good access you have everything to lose with access to son.

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Are you sure that you have less access to your son because of the friend's influence? I think it is more likely that your ex just doesn't want a jealous, bitter ex calling as often. She may even dread having to see you because you're so needy,negative and judgemental. Her friendships are her business (unless the child's welfare is at risk) so it's even more important that you don't voice your opinion about her life let alone show barely concealed bitterness towards the third party. I'm not criticising you, by the way, I'm just trying to put myself in her shoes.

Try this when you next go to her home to pick up your son: determine to be cheerful and positive, determine to stay only for the time it takes to get the child ready. Compliment her on how great your son is looking and don't sit down or have a cup of tea. (Keep looking at your watch!) Take your child with a big smile, walk out the door and don't look back. In other words, keep it short and don't get into conversations about things that will upset you. Leave her with a positive image of a dad, 100% committed to her son, supportive and at peace with himself. That image will be far more attractive to her than anything else. Try it.