Problems with neighbours in rented accom, what is reasonable?

jordylass

I am trying to see it from my neighbours POV, hence the question.

KateLiana27

Your neighbour is being reasonable. He came to you with various possible solutions (sitting further away, smoking inside) rather than just a complaint. Smoking directly under someone's window until 2am, or making noise that neighbours can hear until 2am, is unacceptable. Sorry.

Tell your daughter to smoke inside, go elsewhere to do it, give up, or she will have to find her own place. 18 is old enough to be responsible and considerate.

thegirlintheattic

jordylass wrote: »

The problem is her smoking outside the flat, on our balcony as he says the smoke goes into his open windows.

I meant out as in downstairs rather than on the balcony.

Catblue

OP, I'm another one that feels that your daughter is the one who has to change her behaviour. If she wants to smoke then she goes downstairs away from other people's windows. Ditto if she wants to chat on the phone or with her friends. Is this inconvenient to her? Yes, but it is her habit so she's the one who needs to live with the inconvenience of that - not you and not her neighbours. Otherwise you are inadvertently sending her a very poor message about responsibility. If you have younger children then allowing them to sit there while your daughter smokes and chats is not a great example for them to follow. They'll also be thinking "Mum doesn't approve of it, but sister does it blatantly anyway, so mum's opinions obviously don't count for anything".

You said yourself that you do not approve of her smoking and talking outside at 2am but you have done nothing about it. That is a mistake on your part and one you have to rectify before things get worse. Does your daughter have a job? Seems like she would be less likely to be yapping outside at 2am if she had to get up early. This is your flat and you decide what is acceptable there, not her.

Sounds to me like you are one of these people who tries really hard to put the wants of your family first even if it is to your detriment which is a shame. But it is even worse when it is to the detriment of strangers (ie your neighbour). I'll bet you don't often say no to your family. You are already thinking ahead of how to facilitate the desires of smoking relatives who don't even live there. Talking about organising a rota for smoking relatives on the balcony? And the neighbour should make an exception at these times? Erm, no. They go outside well away from windows and if they don't like it then they are welcome to find other accommodation. Seems like you need to learn to stand up for yourself.

And if your daughter won't follow the new rules, then it really is time for her to move on.

chris_m

I'd say the daughter is darned lucky she hasn't had a bucket of water tipped out to extinguish the "fire"

hedgehogpenguin

can't your neighbour shut his window ? i think he's being rather unreasonable to be honest. If something was bugging me that much , I would try and fins first the easiest way of solving it and shut the window. It'll stop the voices being too loud too. It's not like we live in a tropical country and need the windows open all night long all year round. You also are entitled to use your property and that includes your balcony.

rexmedorum

just one little thing: if it's rented I would asume you're not actually allowed to smoke inside?

Tiddlywinks

quer

hedgehogpenguin wrote: »

can't your neighbour shut his window ? i think he's being rather unreasonable to be honest. If something was bugging me that much , I would try and fins first the easiest way of solving it and shut the window. It'll stop the voices being too loud too. It's not like we live in a tropical country and need the windows open all night long all year round. You also are entitled to use your property and that includes your balcony.

Why should the neighbour have to keep his window closed at 2am?

Why should he have to put up with noise under his bedroom window at 2am?

Windows (unless triple glazed) will not stop noise such as normal conversation - particularly in the dead of night!

If you think standing out in the open air smoking and talking directly under someone's bedroom window in the early hours is OK then you are very selfish indeed.



Edited to ask the OP - doesn't your daughter keep you or the rest of the household awake by being up at 2am? What about getting up for work etc?

jordylass

There isn't any noise on the balcony after 11pm the complaint was about chatting at 11. She isn't disturbing anyone in our house or any of our other neighbours.

Catblue wrote: »

And if your daughter won't follow the new rules, then it really is time for her to move on.

You could be right, as I don't think of it as her having to follow rules, but all of us coming up with a working compromise. This is her home too and I wouldn't expect her to 'move on' until she wants to. I am not happy about her smoking but she has a right to make her own choices. None of us want those choices to negatively impact on others though.

Scully38

jordylass wrote: »

There isn't any noise on the balcony after 11pm the complaint was about chatting at 11. She isn't disturbing anyone in our house or any of our other neighbours.



You could be right, as I don't think of it as her having to follow rules, but all of us coming up with a working compromise. This is her home too and I wouldn't expect her to 'move on' until she wants to. I am not happy about her smoking but she has a right to make her own choices. None of us want those choices to negatively impact on others though.

Yes, but this is your home, you're the mom, you pay the rent/mortgage, so you say what goes in your house. I'm a smoker and my mom didn't allow me to smoke in the house until I was paying part of the mortgage. I know how hard it is when you smoke and have to go outside, but she's going to have to learn as she won't be able to do it in work, and may not be able to do it when she goes and gets a flat, so best she start learning now.

Why not a compromise, no smoking and no talking on the balcony after 10.00, if you're dead set on her not going out to smoke. See how that sits. Also, see how often the window is open in the bedroom. It may be the other person being picky, but try and compromise, see when they ope the window/go to bed and tailor the agreement to suit both of you.