Serious honesty

ZTD

CAFCGirl wrote:

what the hell was that all about!

Beats me.

CAFCGirl wrote:

TryHard- Thanks for those comments, I do know I cant let myself dwell too much since with depression I'll end up in a crumpled heap on the floor for a week again. But thats why when I feel myself getting a bit annoyed with my actions, I try to stay angry rather than sad. otherwise its all downhill!

But you needn't be either. It's a problem, so think of the logical calm steps you need to take to fix it. No emotional involvement. It's only a problem - nothing more.

spud30

ZTD wrote:

Oh dear me...am I getting a reputation for this? :eek:

I think that keeping a note of your emotional state in this diary would be useful too, so not just what you bought (remember detail - don't just put 'Tescos'), but what you were feeling when you bought it. That might bring to light patterns such like "When I'm unhappy I buy chocolate".

Am I being too obsessive by keeping the relevant Tesco receipts on file in date order

bobbie78

CAFCGirl you are doing well, if you were doing really bad you wouldn't be here you'd be hiding under a duvet somewhere (or is that just me). A wise person told me recently that the people that give the best advice and are most helpful to others are empathising so well because they themselves need the same help and wish someone would really do the same for them. However this will never be, it is not in our nature to think the confident people we respect are possibly worse off that we really are as they are such amazing clever people they are the last ones that need help.

All you can do is look in the mirror, take a good long look, and know that you are the master of your destiny, not your boss, not your family, not the banks or shops telling you what to buy. Ultimately it is you that is responsible for everything you do and have done no one has ever forced you at gun point to do any of the things you have ever done - horrible thought isn't it and yet this is very powerful, now look in the mirror again, you are going to fix this, face up to the fact you have messed up in some parts of you life up till now. What are you going to do next, you can do anything, you can, you just need to decide what, and look in that mirror once in a while to see how you're doing and if you can look yourself in the eye and honestly say you are happy with what you have done. Of course you'll muck up but if you can acknowledge what you have done (which you are doing right now) then forgive yourself when you do mess up you will be able to succeed.

So write down (I know another list) what do you want, where do you want to be in your life in 5 years, job wise, family wise etc then take another look in the mirror and know honestly only you can make this happen no one is holding yourself back but yourself, get to know what is stopping you tidy your room, go to work, spend all that money (that's about me again ) and try and figure out what you are scared off that you can help everyone else and yet won't give yourself the same time and care you would a stranger.

Every time you catch yourself messing up think why am I doing this? Why am I sabotaging myself, what part of this don't I want to do or why do I feel this is being imposed on me when it isn't my job, then choose how you will change this as it is you - the person in the mirror - who is ultimately responsible for what you choose to do in life.

This won't be easy, believe me I don't have all the answers (look at me giving out advice I should be following it myself again) but this has helped me start a new stage in my life, give me the courage to try a new job, start paying off my debt as I want to save up and go travelling for a couple of years, something I would never have done as I was too scared to do something I wanted, I thought it was an impossible dream I'd just end up upsetting people if I went away, when the people I was worried about upsetting truly would just want me to be happy and would hate to think I was holding myself out of some miss-placed sense of loyalty. If I went away they would all be here with open arms when I got back but I need to stop fixing everyone else as it is so much easier to give advice than act on it (see I'm doing it again).

OK this has turned into a really long load of new age waffle, I'm sorry, just know you have helped a lot of people on here in a huge range of circumstances, and every person you have helped would help you back 20 times over if we could find a way. So you tell us what you need and we'll do it, do you need someone to growl at you when your naughty? or be your cheerleader, there will be lots of people queuing up for the job as you have shown a million times over you are a person worth helping just because of the amount of help you return to every one else.

Verbatim

Well Iwas going to say you can't do it all at once so try one thing but someone else has already said that, Lynz I think, and also that it's quite scary:eek: how efficient some people on here are, but ZTD beat me on that one. :A So I'll just say I don't do half the stuff some do on here but have been around too long to ask how to, so I just feel embarrassed and keep quiet at the relevant moments!

And I'd like to say well done to you. I'm hit with how honest you are with yourself and with us but perhaps you're too tough on yourself. You seem and sound like a really likeable person so I hope you really like you too!:j

taxi73

Please don't be hard on yourself...there's no need!!..you have achieved quite a lot and everything else just tackle 1 step at a time!!!...most of the stuff I was going to say has already been said..I think taking the money out of the terramundi and paying the £82 card will give you a boost..and the spending diary is a must but do allow yourself the odd little treat

Mrs_A.

Hey CAFCGirl whats going on?????
stop being so hard on yourself, you and i both know where our problems lie regarding health, diet and money, just now i am working on my family budget and no its not easy and i think its going to be even harder to follow it but i am determined to do so i do not want to still be in debt this time next year.
come on pick your self up, dust yourself down and start again,
you have achieved so very much since last year give yourself a big pat on the back for that.
take a step back and re evaluate everything again but only one thing at a time even if it takes a week to sort out one thing, you can then move onto the next.
come on girl,
oh and the moby £50 a months a shocker if dbf wants you to call use the landline or better still get him to call you. one strategy im working on at the moment is to only have it switched on when i am out of the house (its amazing how much you can save that way, when you didnt get a txt so dont spend the next half hour furiously txting back and forward at 10p a time think 6 txt messages at 10p each = a whole hour of chatting on the landline after 6pm and you can say a whole lot more in an hour than by 6 txts.

ok rant over
you know you can pm me any time.
regards
mrs a

Karmacat

Hi there
I really admire you posting this - I've seen your name a lot on the forum, and to know that you feel this way helps me - not in a horrible way, but thinking, well, if she feels that way, I can accept that the way I feel bad about what I'm doing/not doing is kind of normal.

The "advice" I'd give you is the advice I actually need for myself (as somebody further up the thread has said) - take one thing at a time. I was doing that until about a week ago, and this last week has been ridiculous, I've been trying to do all sorts of things, making tiny, tiny inroads into each but accomplishing absolutely nothing. I think I got a bit overwhelmed by the idea of the Olympic Challenge. So, one complete thing at a time it is.

The other thing I want to say to you is that I was surprised when you listed what you'd done since you joined the forum - its a LOT! It doesn't link in at all with how you seem to be feeling right now, so, I agree, there's an emotional issue going on for you to investigate, when you're feeling strong enough.

Storm

Hi again,

Have you been to the doctor about how you're feeling? You say in your diary that it's self-diagnosed depression, and even if you don't want anti-depressants you might get a referral for a counsellor on the NHS.

As we get told a lot at this time of year exercise releases endorphins - BUT... if like me the sight of a gym makes you want to hide under the duvet there is an alternative - singing! Doesn't matter how good or bad you are, singing for 30 minutes each day releases those happy hormones too

Music works brilliantly for me as self-therapy when I'm feeling down anyway - I've got a mix CD of songs that have happy associations for me plus some that are just silly - by the end of the CD it's impossible to still feel down.

Storm

ktb

spud30 wrote:

Am I being too obsessive by keeping the relevant Tesco receipts on file in date order

ha ha ha ha... I do exactly the same thing! :rotfl: Obsessive is certainly a word that has been suggested for my behaviour too.

Lara44

Hi CAFCgirl

Find the strength inside to stand up and proud! Put all those regrets aside at getting into debt, and be happy that you are working hard to get out of it.

If you don't want to have an essentials only SOA that's okay!! You don't need to feel bad for wanting a particular lifestyle. If you up your repayments a bit while still leaving lots of money for spending, you will still pay off your debts, it will just take you a bit longer.

There is nothing wrong with this I think. I have done a slash and burn to become semi-debt free, and now I have got my huge student loan. Part of me wants to go all out DFW on the loan and clear it asap. But when I thought about it, I wanted to be doing things my friends are doing, saving up for travelling and while not spending loads, being able to go out a bit and buy new things. I have worked out how much extra this will cost me on the snowball, (and it is painful because it will cost a lot more) but I want to have a different life a lot more.

However, even though I am not earning enough to pay back my debts, I am still going to start paying back my loan now at £50 per month, and take a chunk each year to pay off from my savings.

Sometimes I feel a bit naughty because people work so hard here, but actually you have to do what's right for yourself. Hope that helps somehow!

Lara x