Spill the beans... What's your partner's worst MoneySaving habit?

alixandrea

MPwannasavemoney wrote: »

Forcing DIVORCE

Yup that is the impact of my partner's habits (I posted about some of these things on this site a few years ago)...

* not caring about finance or budgets - budget is a taboo word
* overspending like money is growing on trees - we have gone to having lot of money in the bank saved up or in saving plans / shares to be used in the future for kids university fees etc to more than £30,000 worth of credit card debt
* a "don't care its not my problem attitude" with the only answer being "go find a job that earns more money" - well I tried for years have increased income a bit but spending has gone up faster!
* Telling the kids that "Daddy doesn't want to spend money 'cos he wants to be awkward" so I am seen as the bad guy
* Wanting only the best of everything whether we can afford it or not
* Wanting it in a hurry when waiting e.g. for some project to be properly investigated so it is done in the right order and the right way might be cheaper or even if not cheaper does not mean further expense later
* very happy to put obstacles in my way to trying to save any money either buy jumping the gun and buying something or getting people in and paying them to do something or allocating time consuming activities to me so that I cannot do any research about how to save money when we need to.
* Happy to start projects by promising kids something - e.g they will get a new room decorated then shouting at me when I can't buy a wardrobe to put in the room.
* Quite happy to protect the money in her own accounts / saving plans
* Quite happy to disappear for a few days and withdraw hundreds of pounds cash from the joint account and no explanation what it was for (a hotel bill I suspect and she likes top of the range things)

In retrospect I should not have had the savings in the first place - all it did was put off a big problem which should have been tackled years ago. She has kept thinking there is always a 'bail out' when times were getting rough.

So now I we are running out of cash before the end of the month and there is no credit limit on the cards left. The credit card minimum payments are more than the mortgage. I can't get a debt consolidation loan at a decent interest rate so I am resorting to writing to the card companies to freeze the interest. I am setting up a separate account to pay mortgage and bills etc which the salary will go into - she will not have access to that account.

I cant' take this habit anymore. If we did not have kids I would have filed for divorce and walked out straight away. With 3 young kids I have to play it carefully otherwise they think it is their fault. But the D word is on the cards.

She will have to learn to live on what is left after paying bills. If she is in the supermarket and there is no money - I can't do anything at all. Its a shame the kids will have to suffer though - they will have to eat bread and butter.

OK - who is going to top that?

PS1 Funnily enough she does almost have her 'lightbulb' moments - she saw Martin on the TV in the morning - "that guy is good he could come and help us". She said something similar 10 years ago when Alvin Hall was on the TV. So for her, only a famous person coming around with TV cameras can help - an ordinary person giving the same advice is not good enough.

PS2 There is no support or help available for people in this situation. Yes people can advise on debt management, but that is only good when both partners agree the way forward. Counselling does not help as there is nothing practical they can advise on. Of course lawyers can help, if you have money to pay them.

(((MPwannasavemoney))) - your wife sounds awful. :eek:

As the child of divorcees, I'd just like to say, don't stay together 'for the sake of the kids'. I was SOOOO relieved when my parents split up as I knew the tensions were a sign of a relationship going wrong, I was scared of my dad because he shouted all the time and I was sad for my mum because she was always unhappy. I was nine years old when they divorced and we were all a lot happier when they did.

I don't think I could live with someone like your wife - my partner not earning enough to cover his bills is bad enough, but at least he does look for the cheapest and best solution for everything, even more than I do sometimes! He never shouts and demands the best of everything RIGHT NOW like a spoilt brat, which I'm afraid to say it sounds like your wife is.


If you're seriously considering divorce, I HIGHLY recommend wikivorce dot com (don't know if I can give you a proper link but just Google wikivorce). The people there are all either going through the wringer or have come out the other side. There are also proper lawyers on there who give their time for free, and they also have cheap divorce 'packages' to stop you spending huge sums on legal advice.

If you've been with your wife for a while, the courts should treat your debt as joint, especially if you can prove you bought stuff for her/both of you instead of just for yourself. They will sort out finances for the children first before anything else and this may mean that your wife does quite well out of the situation if she keeps the kids. However it sounds like she can't drain you for any more money in a divorce situation than she already is, so you probably won't be any worse off. You can get an idea of how much you'll be required by law to give her towards the kids by going to the Child Support Agency website and using their calculator. Wikivorce also have a calculator to give you an idea of how the finances might break down.

It's possible to do your own divorce all the way through without solicitor help, although it does depend on how complicated everything gets and how determined you are to research the legal aspects. The only thing you really should get legal advice on is the consent order - if you can get one instead of going to court. If you end up in court, it'll be up to the judge to decide on your finances based on the information that you both give her/him.

I wish you the best of luck getting through it all, it sounds like you're in a really horrible situation.

Alixandrea

[Deleted User]

MPwannasavemoney wrote: »

Forcing DIVORCE

Yup that is the impact of my partner's habits (I posted about some of these things on this site a few years ago)...

* not caring about finance or budgets - budget is a taboo word
* overspending like money is growing on trees - we have gone to having lot of money in the bank saved up or in saving plans / shares to be used in the future for kids university fees etc to more than £30,000 worth of credit card debt
* a "don't care its not my problem attitude" with the only answer being "go find a job that earns more money" - well I tried for years have increased income a bit but spending has gone up faster!
* Telling the kids that "Daddy doesn't want to spend money 'cos he wants to be awkward" so I am seen as the bad guy
* Wanting only the best of everything whether we can afford it or not
* Wanting it in a hurry when waiting e.g. for some project to be properly investigated so it is done in the right order and the right way might be cheaper or even if not cheaper does not mean further expense later
* very happy to put obstacles in my way to trying to save any money either buy jumping the gun and buying something or getting people in and paying them to do something or allocating time consuming activities to me so that I cannot do any research about how to save money when we need to.
* Happy to start projects by promising kids something - e.g they will get a new room decorated then shouting at me when I can't buy a wardrobe to put in the room.
* Quite happy to protect the money in her own accounts / saving plans
* Quite happy to disappear for a few days and withdraw hundreds of pounds cash from the joint account and no explanation what it was for (a hotel bill I suspect and she likes top of the range things)

In retrospect I should not have had the savings in the first place - all it did was put off a big problem which should have been tackled years ago. She has kept thinking there is always a 'bail out' when times were getting rough.

So now I we are running out of cash before the end of the month and there is no credit limit on the cards left. The credit card minimum payments are more than the mortgage. I can't get a debt consolidation loan at a decent interest rate so I am resorting to writing to the card companies to freeze the interest. I am setting up a separate account to pay mortgage and bills etc which the salary will go into - she will not have access to that account.

I cant' take this habit anymore. If we did not have kids I would have filed for divorce and walked out straight away. With 3 young kids I have to play it carefully otherwise they think it is their fault. But the D word is on the cards.

She will have to learn to live on what is left after paying bills. If she is in the supermarket and there is no money - I can't do anything at all. Its a shame the kids will have to suffer though - they will have to eat bread and butter.

OK - who is going to top that?

PS1 Funnily enough she does almost have her 'lightbulb' moments - she saw Martin on the TV in the morning - "that guy is good he could come and help us". She said something similar 10 years ago when Alvin Hall was on the TV. So for her, only a famous person coming around with TV cameras can help - an ordinary person giving the same advice is not good enough.

PS2 There is no support or help available for people in this situation. Yes people can advise on debt management, but that is only good when both partners agree the way forward. Counselling does not help as there is nothing practical they can advise on. Of course lawyers can help, if you have money to pay them.

OMG. That is absolutely terrible !!!!

If you dont mind me asking, how did she justify just disappearing for the weekend anyway? How do you know what she was up to?

MPwannasavemoney

alixandrea wrote: »

If you're seriously considering divorce, I HIGHLY recommend wikivorce dot com (don't know if I can give you a proper link but just Google wikivorce). The people there are all either going through the wringer or have come out the other side. There are also proper lawyers on there who give their time for free, and they also have cheap divorce 'packages' to stop you spending huge sums on legal advice.

I wish you the best of luck getting through it all, it sounds like you're in a really horrible situation.

Alixandrea

Thanks yes it is horrible. I will check that site out!

[quote=[Deleted User];46862251]OMG. That is absolutely terrible !!!!

If you dont mind me asking, how did she justify just disappearing for the weekend anyway? How do you know what she was up to?[/QUOTE]

1. She sees no reason to justify anything to anybody about it
2. It was not just the weekend - that I could cope with - it was practically the whole working week as well!
3. As to what she was upto I am clueless she sees no reason to tell anyone. The kids get really distressed particulary with the broken 'I am coming home tomorrow' promise.

osaddict

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Every time I try to talk to him about money his first panicked question is 'are we f**ked?

That's quite scary!

bromleymum

MPwannasavemoney wrote: »

1. She sees no reason to justify anything to anybody about it
2. It was not just the weekend - that I could cope with - it was practically the whole working week as well!
3. As to what she was upto I am clueless she sees no reason to tell anyone. The kids get really distressed particulary with the broken 'I am coming home tomorrow' promise.

Are you serious? No one can behave like that unless they are in distress or totally devoid of feeling.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I wonder if MP's OH has had a mental health assessment at all - Bipolar can have similar presentation, for a start.

*Louise*

MPwannasavemoney wrote: »

1. She sees no reason to justify anything to anybody about it
2. It was not just the weekend - that I could cope with - it was practically the whole working week as well!
3. As to what she was upto I am clueless she sees no reason to tell anyone. The kids get really distressed particulary with the broken 'I am coming home tomorrow' promise.

I'm amazed you let her back through the door - if my OH tried that he would come back to his bags packed and waiting outside

laurenzo_2

Wits_end wrote: »

We have a joint account and due to both been long term ill, only have benefits. He always draws out his money and mine and leaves me with nothing!!!! Sometimes allows me to transfer some to pay DD and SO`s. Getting so fed up with it now :-(

why don't you open your own account and get yours paid into that?