To give us a smile

hethmar

Some sad posts on here lately, but to give us a smile about owning our dogs and cats :


Dear Dogs and Cats:







The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required....

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.





Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:












TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:




(1) They live here. You don't.






(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.






(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.






(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

antw23uk

Excellent, how very true :T

I especially like the bit about the bathroom. I cant rememeber the last time i went to the bathroom on my own :rotfl:

hethmar

Oh, the amount of room taken up on the bed struck home for me. How such small dogs can take up SO much room so that I wake up clinging to the 6 inches of a 5 ft bed, I really dont know.

antw23uk

We only have the two cats but bedrooms are off limits to them 99% of the time, especially at night :beer:

Shepherd1

i can relate to the bathroom one, i cannot remember the last time i went to the toilet without a cat sitting on my shoulder. i am sure they wouldn't be pleased if i annoyed them when in the litter tray though.

zaksmum

That's brilliant hethmar! Love the bit about the notice on the door. I have a neighbour who visits constantly to have a good moan, and complains that my dogs' presence might start her asthma off, or any stray dog hairs on her clothes might trigger her allergies...she even asked once if they could be put outside for the duration of her visit!!

Needless to say, I said No! Hasn't put her off visiting though...sadly!

thegirlintheattic

Awww made me smile, thank you.

aliasojo

hethmar wrote: »

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

Oh this is soooo true. :rotfl:

Fridaycat

Thanks for the smile :j

So much of it was so true. Not only the bed, but also the sofa - only this morning, I was sitting on the floor trying to get some work done because there was a little kitten fast asleep on the sofa He was sat right in the middle of a two seater, so there was no chance of me sitting down without disturbing him, hence my position on the floor. I thought to myself there was something wrong there somehow :rotfl:

kitten_jo

dog Property Laws

1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If it’s in my mouth, it’s mine.
3. If it looks like mine, it’s mine.
4. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
5. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
6. If I saw it first, it’s mine.
7. If you have something and put it down, it’s mine.
8. If I chew something up, all of the pieces are mine.
9. If it used to be your’s, get over it.
10. If it’s broken, it’s your’s.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Deep_In_Debt

hethmar wrote: »

Oh, the amount of room taken up on the bed struck home for me. How such small dogs can take up SO much room so that I wake up clinging to the 6 inches of a 5 ft bed, I really dont know.

That is totally true. I can relate to that. I have 2 cats and one insists on either sleeping on or in (depending on the weather!) the bed with me. I have a 5ft bed and end up with a small strip to sleep in...obviously I have to sleep on my side! If I roll over in the night, I'm soon woken by claws in my back!

Makes it interesting when I want sleep on my back so have to lie diagonally across the bed so that I don't disturb her!