DH left me, heads been in the sand. Please help.

needhelp12

Hi everyone, I was a reg poster on here, but not been around for a while due to issues.

6 weeks ago DH dropped bomb shell he was leaving me (and our DS, + my DD from previous relationship). He left to be with another woman, I buddy new something was up as he was always to tired for any affection, and started going football a lot. Bare in mind he is 42.

Anyway I am in such a financial mess, what has made me post here is MIL came round today for some more of his stuff, and asked me if I had found somewhere else to live, (this is his house he pays mortgage, I am no where on the deeds/mortgage/no joint accounts whats so ever). I was like you what, she repeated herself, I said he left me, i will get the locks changed before that happened. And kindly asked her to leave. (I applaud myself as I have always been timid).

He pays the mortgage/council tax/water rates/sky, and he told me he will still carry on paying this, When I text him about MIL, he replied, "Well yes I will need to move back in, I am paying the mortgage after all". And he told me he has to cancel Sky very soon, but will still pay the other bills. (I pay elec/gas they are in my name).

I know from advice I have read on here, I will be entitled to stay in the home as I have his child, as well as another child from previous relationship? Unless he has to sell? (But I can't see that happening, not as long as his mum is alive).

I also gave up my job I am working my last week of my notice now, as I thought I would be better off on income support (youngest is 5). As I only earnt 7k a year part time. BUT then I thought I can't as It would kill me not working, I work to get out the house, and I love what I do, so have joined an agency, but working hours are not guarenteed, they know my position at the moment and know I can only help out during school hours, I have been told an average of 50 hours a month

I am really struggling, So cut a long story short, I have debts I pay, but can't afford to default on as my credit file has only now became clean (due to student debts grr). I get DLA LR/MR and Child benefit tomorrow but that goes straight out on my catalogue/car tax. Then skint till he pays me maintenance of £50 on Friday.

So for the past 6 weeks I have received:
£449 Wages from work (will be a lot less next month)
£0 TC/WTC (as he earns to much)
£250 maintenance
£264 DLA
£130 child benefit

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£1093 total

may seem a lot but my out goings this month have been:
£130 catolouge (next)
£30 catolouge (very) (can't default as I don't want my credit report affected)
£50 capital one (as above)
£165 car tax (yearly)
£59 mot (yearly)
£60 fuel (will be more when kids back to school)
£45 car insurance (not due for renewel yet)
£146 elec
£40 gas
£35 mobile (needed for work etc)
£65 life/health insurance (have an ongoing problem needing investigation)
£200 shopping (this was a budget shop, I am gutted as been so used to fresh food/meat)
£200 car finance (need car for work)

---

£1225 total (Not included dinner money for the kids £40 DS infants, £60 for DD secondary school)

Had no choice but to order school uniforms from catologue, except their jumper/blazer which had to be purchased from a supplier grr..

Omg I am in tears here, how the heck am I going to manage? What do I do? Will I be able to clam TC/WTC? (as my hours are not guaranteed? plus we are still married, not sure about divorce)

And Do I have every right to stay in this house?


Can't believe this has happened to me, 10 years we have been together for, never seen it coming till 8 weeks ago. My life feels like it's over.

Sorry for rambling, am so desperate.

NewStart09

You need to post your SOA (statement of affairs) on the debtfreewannabes sections of this site, they will give you some helpful hints on what you can adjust on your out goings.

As far as your childrens school monies, well I only allow mine 2 hot lunches a week, and they take their lunch the other days, it saves me a fortune, they get £3 each day.

Check your insurance premium to make sure you are getting a good deal and as it is his house, and he could ask you to leave, why dont you transfer the utilities into his name and pay him a flat rate every month to help. Unless your on the mortgage you will have limited rights anyway, why get stuck with the bills from his house, if you have to move eventually?

Keep working part-time and collect your tax credits, it will help if you need to set yourself up in your new place.

Good Luck
NewStart09

wannabedebtfree_2

I can't imagine how difficult this time is for you, but if possible a more clear SOA would help. You need to be realistic about the money coming in and out, as although this month's outgoings have been big they shouldn't be that much every month.

Next month you won't have car tax or an MOT to pay for, or the electricity (at least I hope £146 isn't a monthly bill!!). So go through the MSE SOA and put realistic figures in so that you can see what you are working with. Little changes make a huge difference too, if you are spending £200 on groceries then the kids can have packed lunches, that saves you £100 per month straight away.

You will now in your own right be entitled to CTC, although with agency work I'm not sure you'll get WTC element as well as you need to be working 16 hours every week.

Go onto; http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx and find out what you are entitled to, and then you have proper figures to use for your SOA. If you are entitled to CTC but not WTC, and your income is below £16k then your kids will get free school dinners anyway and you won't even have the cost of the packed lunch.

You need to sort out all of the household bills so that you are paying them, how long will your DH pay them if he isn't living there? It's unlikely to last forever. I don't know anything about the legal rights you have for the house, but hopefully someone who knows more about that will come along soon.

I think rambling is allowed, it's a big shock, but most people are here to help. Take care x

Vibrant

I thought you were in a lot of trouble, until you mentioned that you were married. The house is the marital home, it does not matter that it is in your husbands name. The needs of the children are the top priority where housing is concerned, so you are unlikely to be homeless.

You need to talk to the Citizens Advice, or similar and find out what your options are.

paddedjohn

while you are still married you are entitled to stay in the marital home with the kids, since he has left you my advice would be to get the ball rolling and see a solicitor regarding divorce and where you stand financially. i dont think he can sell the house from under you and if he tries i believe you can ask the courts to stop him untill settlement has been agreed.

treliac

I agree, take advice - CAB is a good starting point. AFAIK you should be able to stay in your house until your youngest child, his as well, is 18.

He's abandoned you and you have every right to do what is best to protect yourself and your children.

Try and keep positive. I hope that, eventually, you will find yourself able to cope and will regain your confidence.

Good luck.

SuziQ

AFAIK you should be able to stay in your house until your youngest child, his as well, is 18.

I don't want to frighten the OP at this early stage, but I don't think this is true. I have a friend whose husband took her to court after 13 months, and despite the young ages of the two children he was given permission to put the house on the market after 3 months, if she couldn't afford to buy him out of the property. If he makes a case for being unable to afford the property, then he could force a sale in that way. There are lots of variables in a situation like this-OP, get yourself a free session of advice from a family law solicitor, asap. Locally to me, some solicitors give 1 or 2 hours free, and you would be able to determine whether you would be entitled to legal aid (although in effect it's only a legal loan these days.)

Caz3121

SuziQ wrote: »

I don't want to frighten the OP at this early stage, but I don't think this is true. I have a friend whose husband took her to court after 13 months, and despite the young ages of the two children he was given permission to put the house on the market after 3 months, if she couldn't afford to buy him out of the property. If he makes a case for being unable to afford the property, then he could force a sale in that way. There are lots of variables in a situation like this-OP, get yourself a free session of advice from a family law solicitor, asap. Locally to me, some solicitors give 1 or 2 hours free, and you would be able to determine whether you would be entitled to legal aid (although in effect it's only a legal loan these days.)

I agree with this. There are cases where there is a mesher order placed on the property where the PWC and children can stay in the property until the youngest reaches 18 however, in this situation, it would normally be down to the person in the property to take over all the housing costs, mortgage etc during this period.
OP you need to open a child tax credits single claim, the calculator should give you a good indication of what this should be but if you are working less than 16 hours per week it should be around £470 per month (more if you work 16 hours+)
Maintenance will be difficult as you should be getting 15% of his net monthly pay however you would also be expected to be paying the bills he is currently paying out of this
Once you have the revised income level with maintenance and benefits you should be able to see if you are in a position to stay in the house or whether you would be better off getting him to buy you out and look to rent.
Wishing you the best of luck

akin_drum

needhelp12 wrote: »

I also gave up my job I am working my last week of my notice now, as I thought I would be better off on income support (youngest is 5).

You wouldn't have been awarded income support while you were in a relationship with your husband.

I agree with the majority - keep working, claim tax credits and see a solicitor asap. Can you tell your employers that you want to revoke your notice?

Post an SOA on the debt free board; they'll be able to help you cut back where necessary

clearingout

you need to register your 'home rights' with the Land Registry. This will stop your ex selling the house without your knowledge and before any settlement is reached - do it now!

needhelp12

Thank you so much for all the advice everyone. I have spoken to TC and have made a claim, will all get back dated so that is a relief. I am going to make an appointment with a Solicitor next about a Divorce for unreasonable behaviour, I just want to get out of our marriage with that snake.

Thanks again