Need urgent advice - family/matrimonial law

mumneedshelp

..........

vroombroom

do you have a bank account? If not, open one first thing tomorrow morning. Also call CB and get that paid into it x

as for the utilities, do that yourself. Take a meter reading and call them and set it up in your name.

Be proactive and one step ahead of your ex.

And get onto the CSA tomorrow x

vroombroom

I used to work in utilities and they would never, ever cut supply off
At worst if you get into arrears they would put prepayment meters in.

Your ex will also find he cannot put them in your name without you being present to give permission This why I say take a meter reading say from tomorrow, call them and ask them to put it in your name. Ex will be liable up till that date.

oooh, call council tax as well - you will get 25% discount x

Have you got any family round you? x

podperson

He can call up the utilities and say he has moved out of the property and therefore no longer wants his name on the bills. He can't put them in your name for you but if you don't contact the utilities you will generally find they write out to 'the occupier' saying you need to get a new account set up. I appreciate it sounds like it's been a difficult break up but if he is no longer living at the property then the bills should be in your name and he should be paying you child support.
Have you checked you've applied for all the help you can get at the moment - cb/ctc/wtc/hb/ctb etc.
Regarding the contact order - is he not seeing the children at the moment? Is it an Interim order as it seems very rushed for a permanent one.

mumneedshelp

podperson wrote: »

He can call up the utilities and say he has moved out of the property and therefore no longer wants his name on the bills. He can't put them in your name for you but if you don't contact the utilities you will generally find they write out to 'the occupier' saying you need to get a new account set up. I appreciate it sounds like it's been a difficult break up but if he is no longer living at the property then the bills should be in your name and he should be paying you child support.
Have you checked you've applied for all the help you can get at the moment - cb/ctc/wtc/hb/ctb etc.
Regarding the contact order - is he not seeing the children at the moment? Is it an Interim order as it seems very rushed for a permanent one.

I had agreed that once I got my benefits in place I could take over the bills but I have now been given a few days notice and the only benefits I thought I was entitled to aren't in place. Someone I spoke to on here is setting me up with someone to talk to re benefits but this has all come out of the blue as I thought we would eventually patch the marriage up.

As for the contact order, he has been seeing the kids every week but supervised at the marital home as there are other issues around this that mean I won't grant unsupervised access without legal advice.

DaisyFlower

As podperson has said, he cannot put the bills in your name but he can remove himself off them. You will then get a letter asking for your details.

If he's paying the mortgage, you cant expect extra child support on top. I would imagine the mortgage payment is higher than the child support amount especially if he has other children. Can you afford the mortgage on your salary if he switches to child support instead of paying the mortgage which is what will happen if you go to the CSA?

I dont get why you begrudge him paying for his previous child, you are expecting him to support your children so why is the first child any less important?

mountainofdebt

I'm guessing (so apologies if I'm worng) that the OP is miffed (to put it politely) that the ex will gladly pay over the odds for his first child but will reluctantly pay the bare minimum for the children he has with her.

Ada_Doom

If he has made an application to the court you must have been served with a copy. What application is he making? Contact or Residence? If it is contact, that means he wants to see the children, and residence means he wants them to live with him

Either way I would say you need to go to the court hearing. You say you have been summoned? Parents are not normally summoned to attend court hearings in the first instance, as a summons means you pretty much have to go. Do you mean you have a notice of hearing giving you a court date? Is this the first communication you have had from the court?

If I was in your position I would attend the hearing whether I had a solicitor or not, as the hearing will go ahead with or without you there. What you can do it go along and explain that you have been given very little time and wish to be represented by a solicitor/ barrister at court and wish the hearing be adjourned to a later date to give you time to do this.

The Judge/magistrates may adjourn, or they may make an interim order. But they may do this even if you are not there, so would be much better to be there and show that you are willing to communicate.

I hope it goes ok for you, I know it is scary. Consider taking a friend along, but bear in mind they may not be allowed in the court but can at least sit outside and offer moral support.

And try to get some legal advice, even just to begin with so you are fully prepared. pm me if you want, am not a legal bod but have worked in family court for years so know how the procedure works. hth

mumneedshelp

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I'm guessing (so apologies if I'm worng) that the OP is miffed (to put it politely) that the ex will gladly pay over the odds for his first child but will reluctantly pay the bare minimum for the children he has with her.

^^ This.

Since we had our first child I have paid all the food shopping, half the bills (inc mortgage) for all but a couple of months and bought ALL the kids their clothes & toys. When he happily gives money hand over fist to his Ex and says nothing to her about the fact his child is dressed in horrible clothes and shoes with holes in them yet he is willing to cut off the utilities when I have spent thousands over the years paying into this house and buying his kids everything, yes, it annoys me.

I have explained that I am awaiting a WTC/CTC award and am living off my savings which I'm very lucky to have but I have spent 5 years doing what he wanted, when he wanted and now I have to keep doing that or it will go against me. He's been violent in the past but not to me but there's always a first isn't there?

I don't begrudge his first child anything and I have done everything for that child since I came into its life but he is willing to lose our marriage over the fact that I simply cannot afford to keep paying for everything while he refuses to reduce his payments (which would have been done automatically for each child we had if it was a CSA application).

Ada Doom - this is the first legal document I've had. I was aware that he might be doing this after a social services report (the police removed him from the house so standard procedure) said he had applied but in the papers he says I've been keeping him away from the kids.

The document says:

THIS IS TO COMMAND YOU to appear as a respondent ...... blah blah blah, date & time etc.

He's applying for a contact order, not a residence order. I feel physically sick and I'm petrified of the next time I see him but I have no choice but to let him see the kids.

vroombroom

As I said hun, he can't cut the utilities off. He can simply remove his name and stop paying.

Please do what I mentioned though, about taking a meter reading and opening in your name. If ex closes it, they will give you an estimated reading and it goes pear shaped from there if you don't keep on top of them - its simple and a quick phone call to do.

x

clearingout

I presume the hearing is on Wednesday? It's probably too late to get a solicitor on board if so. I would ring round tomorrow morning and if you can't find anyone to help you out (you may well be entitled to Legal Aid if you wait till the benefits etc. come through and you know where you're at with money). I agree that you can't ignore the court appointment, however. Did he serve you with papers on Friday at 5pm? It is pretty normal practise to give as short a time as possible. You can go to the court and ask for an adjournment on the basis that you haven't had the opportunity to get proper legal representation.

You run the risk of him stopping paying the mortgage if you go to the CSA (he won't have to pay both at the current time - it is a possiblity, however, a bit further down the line but depends on what he's earning and what your shortfall is - you can apply for Maintenance Pending Suit once you get a divorce underway) so do be careful about that move - depends on what he earns, how much the mortgage is and whether or not if you go to the CSA, he adds his other ex to the claim. For example, if there are three children, he will have to pay 25% of his salary - of which 2/3 will go to you and 1/3 to the other ex. If he doesn't bring in the other ex, you'll get 20% for the two - there won't be much in it, but there is a difference.

I am not a legal expert but have been through the court process with the ex for residence/shared residence/contact (long story!) so PM me if I can help at all. Anything any of us can say to you here is no subsitutute for proper face to face legal advice, however.