Best way to avoid over spending when out for a meal with family

mikey72

My dad always paid if we went out.
He wouldn't let anyone else pay anything towards it.

ifonlyitwaseasier

i have now taken to saying to my friends before we order anything that i'm on a budget and as i'm not drinking alcohol i'll pay for what i order and towards a tip, only one person had a problem with it and thats because she always, and i mean ALWAYS, order expensive and plenty of booze and gets away with paying about £20 less than she should.
this time everyone agreed that we'd each pay to within a couple of pounds of our own and it forced her to own up to not having a lot of cash on her, she was rather pointedly walked over to the cashpoint!!!

Nicki

I think what I don't understand about OP's predicament is that she has known presumably for a while that the plan is to go out for her dad's birthday, and also how her family normally split the bill. But rather than say at the outset that she can't go out for a meal and instead offering to host a meal at home, or putting some money aside for a few weeks to save for what she is likely to be asked to pay, she is at the last moment going to make an issue of things with her dad, and possibly make him feel uncomfortable about what was supposed to be a birthday treat for himself.

Like others have said, when we go out with friends, the bill is always split equally between everyone there, or if it is a couple we see a lot, we might take it in turns to pay the whole bill. This is the norm whoever first picks up the bill, and no one has ever suggested doing anything differently. I'd be horrified if I thought my friends were mentally totting up what I had chosen and comparing it against their own choices, and I'd never do that to them.

Practically, on this occasion OP is it not possible to talk to your other siblings and explain the situation, not your dad and perhaps agree for them to pick up the bill and ask you for an amount agreed in advance towards it, so that your dad is none the wiser that you have found the meal a struggle. I really think quibbling on the night or raising it with your dad in advance will spoil the whole evening for him.

coolcait

"splitting the bill" is one of those minefield issues!

I completely agree with the idea that it is unfair to the people who have had a cheaper meal and/or haven't ordered alcohol. However, on occasion when I have said "let's not split the bill, because I know that my share is a lot more than everyone else's", that has practically caused World War III!

In my experience, it's just as difficult to try to pay more, to cover your full share of the costs.

That said, it tends to be my fellow greedy guts who shout me down, the ones who are also going to end up with a subsidised meal if the bill is split, who shout the loudest.

OP, I'd agree with the advice that you tell your family beforehand that you're only going to pay for your share. You could always present it as being a good way to make sure that the venue doesn't mix up your orders for the kids, and end up up charging more than they should have.

madrhino

I am amazed by the people who say it's penny pinching to pay just for what you're eating. Sometimes you CAN afford to go out for a meal, but you're on a budget so your choices are influenced by price as is the choice of whether or not to have alcohol. So if you split the bill equally, you end up paying more than you can really afford and paying for other peoples alcohol. It's not a mean thing to work out what you've eaten, some people are less well off than others and can't just throw money around.
I remember a while ago, I went out for a birthday meal to an Italian. The prices there ranged from pizzas for about £8 to meals with meat or fish at about £16. I only really knew the birthday girl and one friend. My friend confided in me that she was worried that the bill would be split equally as she was a bit broke and going for the cheaper options, whilst some people were ordering bottles of wine and having the most expensive thing on the menu. I told her not to worry as that wouldn't happen (I was poor too). When the bill came someone said "how are we doing this" and before anyone had a chance I just said that we'd pay for what we ate. Even then a lot of the people who had gorged on food and wine just "guessed" at how much they owed, rather than work it out from the itemised bill, and put in some money. The money of course came up short, someone said we could all just put a couple of pounds more in. I wasn't going to do that but luckily it came to the right amount from other peoples contribution. I don't like to assume that these people were expecting to be subsidised, but they didn't guess their spend very well and tried to pay less.
It may look tight wanting to work out the bill but I hate free loaders who expect you to subsidise them.
On the other hand I have insisted on paying for what we have eaten when I have had more than others and I knew some friends were broke, so wouldn't be fair on them to split

shellsuit

rachbc wrote: »

my gosh I'm glad my friends aren't like you lot - we always split the bill equally and its only ever been a problem for one person - we don't ask him anymore. Sometimes I drink, other times not, sometimes I only have a main others not but it all works out in the end. I'd always rather someone didn't come than caused fuss about the bill, especially on someones birthday - and if I can't afford it I won't go. If you can't afford it - don't go and invite your dad round for a meal another time.

I'm glad my friends aren't like you then!

Why was it a problem for him? Because he wanted to pay for what he had and not pay any more towards everyone elses share?

What's wrong with that?

I have no problem with splitting a bill, but if I was short/skint or didn't want to pay extra above what I'd eaten and drank, I'd want to pay for mine and mine alone and if my friends were any friends at all, they'd understand and not have a problem with it!

*Louise*

I don't mind splitting a bill when everyone had had roughly the same. I object when people start buying expensive bottles of wine and adding that to the tab when not everyone is drinking.

One family meal which was uncomfortable was with the inlaws and it was decided without warning when the bill came to split between the 4 men present. However OH and I were there ourselves (I was pregnant so only had one course) whereas his brother had his wife and three children with him and his uncle had a wife and two adult daughters. We didn't expect it and didn't have enough cash on us, it was so embarrassing at the time

oasisfeverish

When my mates and I used to go out and one of us was driving. The driver paid nothing towards the night, as it was their petrol, car wear and tear, and they had to put up with the rest of us being, shall we say a little worse for wear.

This always worked as we all knew at some stage we would be the driver.

As for meals out, when out with my family, my dad always insists he pays for everything, when out with the GFs family (v. rare) we pay for our own. And if out with friends, we generally split the bill, but then again it might be only 6 or 8 of us, and none of us are likely to take the pee when it comes to ordering food / drinks.

I've been to many a works night out, and because you are talking large numbers, either it's been a set menu at a set price and people buy their own drinks from the bar, or it's a case of paying for what you eat / drink.

Family is one thing and feel you can always reason with them, work colleagues is an entirely different kettle.

Pollycat

Lots of 'for' and 'against' opinions about splitting the bill - and I can see the sense in a lot of them.

I think the key thing to avoid a unharmonious end to a nice evening is to have an understanding up front of how the bill will be treated.
This is especially important if it's a one-off or infrequent get-together.

If it's a regular thing between friends, that implicit agreement will probably be in place and if one of the regulars is temporarily "financially embarrassed", it's their choice to either say they can't afford to split the bill, pay their share regardless or just not go on that instance.

No point someone on a limited budget skipping a starter & sweet and drinking tap water then being saddled with a split portion of a bill loaded with moules mariniere, sticky toffee pudding, beer, wine and liqueur coffees etc.

What I really dislike is agreeing to spllit the bill and people forgetting about the coffee they've had or maybe the odd aperitif so that the amount in the middle of the table is not even enough to cover the bill, let alone leave a tip.

Spendless

We've only had this scenario once in a curry house, when 1 of couple didn't order a meal. At the end when the bill came the husband refused to split because 'they only had 1 meal'. What he seemed to 'forget' is that both of them had sat there all night drinking whiskys. I had had a main meal, like everyone else but had drank tap water, which is probably why I was the only one sober enough to notice. My husband said I should have said something, but the couple were tenants in my house and I didn't want the row.