What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

belfastgirl23

manhattan wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I just have a few questions if any fellow friendly moneysavers here can help.

My dad passed away a few days ago and i just need some advice. My dad left money and a car when he passed. He told me before he passed that he wanted me to sell his car to pay for funeral costs and divide the rest between me and my sister.

Now me and my sister have decided that all money and proceeds from the car sale should go to his partner of over 25 years. She is a pensioner and does not have alot of money and has health problems. He left quite a bit of money in premium bonds and the car is registered in his name. Does anyone know if we need to notify anyone before the bonds are cancelled or the car is sold?

Do we need to get probate involved? Or anyone else? We are happy with what we all have decided on so no arguments here, also he did not leave a will.

kind regards.

Hi Manhatten

Just want to suggest that your dad's partner check in with the local CAB or benefit office about whether she might be entitled to any benefits following his death. If she is a pensioner then she should probably be entitled to an allowance towards his funeral of about £800 or so. If they are married then she might also be entitled to a bereavement allowance. I don't think it's available if you aren't married but it's still worth checking just in case. See this site for info
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Bereaved/index.htm

Sorry if you've done all this already, I know it isn't what you were asking about but it's something we only found out about by accident after the death of a close relative and it did make a huge difference.

It is lovely you are trying to support her when you are grieving yourself. Do look after yourself as well.

Jack23

This question is not money related, but hoping someone can answer.

My mum made her will back in 2002 and stated that she wanted to be cremated at a crematorium about 20 miles away, as at that time that was the nearest one. But just recently a new one has just started business locally. Not everyone in the family has a car and would find it much easier to get to this new one when the inevitable happens. She is in a hospice with cancer. Can this minor detail be changed or do you have to abide by it.

moneymouth77

As far as I'm aware, if it's definitively stated in the will it must be abided. I'd guess there's no way of changing the legalismo...

John_Pierpoint

If it is a matter of finance, those effected can do a "deed of family arrangement" (also known as " Deed of Variation") to change the distribution of finance by a will. (Eg you have been left something but decide it should go directly to your son/daughter.)

Don't think you can simply forget about an instruction to leave something to (say) "The cats' Protection League" as it would have to agree to your change of the will and probably regularly checks the list of wills granted probate.

When it comes to matters of administration, I doubt anyone would sue for using the "wrong" crematorium, but I would get all the family to agree to your changes - I've always found that you can have a long face and say "would you believe it but it is what xxxx really wanted". The minute YOU start making changes there could be some burning resentment about the change you have made within a section of the family. Perhaps the ashes need to be scattered next to something significant in the chosen garden of remembrance (but you don't realise that, however old auntie Mabel does).

Even if something is NOT in the will, be aware that "our family would have wanted it that way..........." type of problems. For example you decide to bury the deceased in a cardboard coffin in an Eco woodland grave yard, rather burn 1000 GBP of expensive plasticated coffin and shower pollutants over the neighbourhood.

rosyw

Firstly my condolences to all those who have lost loved ones.
I have read through "most" of this thread and have found a lot of useful info.
My OH died suddenly at the start of this year, we had lived together for 34 years, have children and grand children, owned our home together etc., but I have found that by not having one piece of paperwork, namely a marriage certificate, the way I have been treated by those that need to know our marital status and those that don't has been remarkable! I had changed my name to that of my OH many years ago, so insurance comapanies, mortgage protection etc., just assumed we were married and have been more than helpful, dealing with things as quickly as possible. Banks on the other hand have been the opposite, I am the executor to OH's estate, but even though they have copies of the will stating this I have at times been told that they "could not discuss the business account as it was not in my name"!!
The biggest shock was when I went to register his death and was informed by a very snotty registrar, that I couldn't do so, unless I had been present at his death or was paying for the funeral. In my case both applied. For those who have been living together, this can be a very traumatic experience at a time when you are at your lowest ebb.
Someone else mentioned that organisations do not always pass on information between departments, this is something else that can cause problems, Our mortgage was arranged through the bank, so you would have assumed that the mortgage dept would have been informed, this is not always the case, at least not with Lloyds, whose estates dept., say they do not deal with Business accounts, and as the morgage was paid through OH's Business account then I had to sort this out myself.
As for probate, a lot has been said about it being simple to deal with yourself, I have left this to the solicitor, and have found that the probate office ask a lot more questions when you are not married, asking for full details of debts, names and addresses of creditors etc., for me it is worth paying the £250 I am being charged.
I hope theses snippets of information may prove useful to anyone else who sadly finds themselves in the same position.

localhero

Jack23 wrote:

My mum made her will back in 2002 and stated that she wanted to be cremated at a crematorium about 20 miles away, as at that time that was the nearest one. But just recently a new one has just started business locally. Not everyone in the family has a car and would find it much easier to get to this new one when the inevitable happens. She is in a hospice with cancer. Can this minor detail be changed or do you have to abide by it.

Funeral wishes stated in a Will are not legally binding - they are mere wishes. It is the executor's decision ultimately.

rosyw wrote:

As for probate, a lot has been said about it being simple to deal with yourself, I have left this to the solicitor, and have found that the probate office ask a lot more questions when you are not married, asking for full details of debts, names and addresses of creditors etc., for me it is worth paying the £250 I am being charged.

I am sorry to hear about your loss. There is not much you can do about insensitive institutions or incompetent banks - but the fact that your OH made a Will is very important.

Whoever is the executor - spouse/friend/bank/solicitor - the questions are the same. Handing the task to the solicitor just means that you ferret around and give them the information and they fill in the probate forms.

rosyw

localhero wrote: »

Whoever is the executor - spouse/friend/bank/solicitor - the questions are the same. Handing the task to the solicitor just means that you ferret around and give them the information and they fill in the probate forms.

I was told by the solicitor that they were asking more questions than usual as we were not married and I am the sole beneficiary, this may or may not be the case but having had to deal with diffcult people at banks etc., and as it only became clear that probate was needed when the house deeds were checked and revealed that the previous solicitor had put part of our property in OH's name only, not in our joint names as requested, I could not face having to deal with more potentially awkward people.

localhero

rosyw wrote:

I was told by the solicitor that they were asking more questions than usual as we were not married and I am the sole beneficiary

There are standard forms to be completed for probate and it is irrelevant whether you are married or not.

The executors job is to obtain valuations for the estate, complete probate forms, pay funeral expenses, any outstanding debts and taxes and then distribute the estate according to the Will.

I am slightly concerned by this statement though:

rosyw wrote:

and as it only became clear that probate was needed when the house deeds were checked and revealed that the previous solicitor had put part of our property in OH's name only, not in our joint names as requested,

If this solicitor failed to do his job properly, why should you be paying another solicitor more money unnecessarily? Have you not taken this up with the original solicitor?

rosyw

The previous solicitor has retired, it is a number of years since the property was purchased, if he had still been around I would have made sure he sorted it out, his mistake in the first place! we bought the property in two halves, and at different times, it had originally been a large farmhouse and had at some point been divided, we put it back into one, the deeds were not combined as we owned one half outright, the other was mortgaged, and that way we had some security if financial disaster should strike.
I know it shouldn't make a difference whether we were married or not, but believe me it does!

John_Pierpoint

Hi Rosy,

By the sound of it Rosy, there might be two factors that are causing the authorities to take extra care:

Inheritance Tax - I've done relatives' estates with and without IHT - I think computerisation of the tax system means that every dot and comma now has to be justified and the officer now has little ability to use his own initiative.
Had you been married possible IHT would not have been an issue until you popped your clogs.

Children - Are they accounted for correctly, could they end up a burden on the state.

John