Marriage v Single Life - pros and cons

Allexie

Bloke gettin' ideas as to us livin' together *gulp*! Something about two livin' more cheaply than one. Whilst wanting to uphold the principles of this site...would this be goin' a bit too far?

Seriously...does marriage work these days?

jockettuk

didnt for me .. we grew apart after being together for 9 yrs then married for 7 .. i wouldnt have a long engagement again .. im with someone else and i cant ever see myself getting married but living with him has to be given some serious thought and he aware of this.. you dont have to get married to live with someone .. and its true what they say divorce is to easy.. hard , emotional , but to easy..

lisyloo

Yes, marriage certainly does work.

I am very happily married

From a financial point of view there are big benefits to being married.

For example did you know that if you aren't married and your partner dies without a will then you aren't entitled to a penny.
The intestacy laws do not recognise unmarried spouses at all so you could loose your home in this situation.

Now, you could simply write a will to get round that one, but there are a whole hosts of other benefits like widows pensions and gifting money to each other free of tax etc.

I wouldn't recommend getting married for financial reason but unmarried spouses are not as widely recognised as you might think in the legal and financial world.

Unfortunately is it at a time of death or divorce that people usually discover this.

It is still the way that we recognise relationships in this country and it very current and relevant.

MRS lisyloo

System

It works if both of you want it to work, and both of you are committed to building a relationship and not just doing it because its convienient.

I have been married almost 20 years, and my relationship with my husband has been hell at times, but the desire to want to stay together has been overwhelming. (A bit of privacy, and 'me' space wouldnt go amiss though).

System

I've just passed my 17th Anniversary, and I have to say, if I had my time again, I wouldn't get married. I would have forged my own career, being dependant on no-one but myself and saved a lot of heartache over the years.

Here Here!!!! Only yesterday i said the very same thing to my daughter who had just split up with her long term partener. She has left the house, taking only the car (on credit) and half their bank account vowing never to put herself in the position again.

I told her, to get her own place, and earn her own living and depend on no one. Unfortunately that is something i wish i had done before i started having my rather large family.

Spendless

Perhaps this just depends on what you've done first.

I was a single working girl, decent wages, own car, house in my own name.

BUT

I was lonely

no one to go on holiday with (friends skint, in relationship, changed their minds)

no one to talk worries through with, knowing they'd support you.

I met my husband in my 30s and we've been married 5 years with 2 small kids.

If you asked me if I wanted to swop back to my old life,the answer is NO.

tru

I got married when I was 18, 1st baby at 19, 2nd baby at 20. Some people said we were too young, but when you know, you know ;D

We had a couple of bad years but that was due to my postnatal depression, also got into debt due to bad luck (redundancy) but I wouldn't change him for the world. Well, actually, I would have changed him yesterday but that's another story ;D

It's our 15th anniversary at Christmas

System

Perhaps this just depends on what you've done first.

I was a single working girl, decent wages, own car, house in my own name.

                                   BUT

I was lonely

no one to go on holiday with (friends skint, in relationship, changed their minds)

no one to talk worries through with, knowing they'd support you.

I met my husband in my 30s and we've been married 5 years with 2 small kids.

If you asked me if I wanted to swop back to my old life,the answer is NO.

But these days you can have both.

Spendless

Agreed Judi.

I could take a holiday if I wanted on my own.
Until recently I still owned my own house.
But I`d rather do these things knowing Mr Spendless is in my life than turn back the clock 8 years.

Allexie

(A bit of privacy, and 'me' space wouldnt go amiss though).

Oh Judi, Judi, Judi....you hit the nail on the head there! I've been married twice and both times I kinda 'lost' myself in the relationship.

I was ****' wife, ****'stepmother, an employee of ****'company and I didn't seem to exist as me anymore. Woke up one day and realised I wasn't spending any time at all doing any of the things that I wanted to do.

Been on my own for 10 yrs now and in that time I've travelled the world, taken up new hobbies and gained a couple of degrees at uni. None of which I would have done in a 'committed' relationship!

I really do love my life at the moment but sometimes feel that it is just a bit too much 'me', 'me', 'me'. It would be nice to have someone to share both the good and the bad things with and wonder if that kind of closeness is only possible when you actually live with someone.

As to sharing a keyboard tho nooooooooo! :-/

System

Oh Judi, Judi, Judi....you hit the nail on the head there!  I've been married twice and both times I kinda 'lost' myself in the relationship.

I think that doesnt stem from being married though, it comes from the 'living together' bit and it doesnt just 'happen' its a gradual process. I think its a matter of start how you mean to go on and having the strength to carry it through (its harder when your living together though i should imagine)

My advice is, if your happy with the situation then leave things as they are. He aint gonna run off just cause you wont get married, and if he does, then he aint the man for you!!! However, where children and property are concerned, i change my views slightly.

I will get off my soapbox now. ::)