Teenagers - why do they not want to walk or go anywhere?

Butterfliesarepretty

My daughter is 13, shes staying with me for two weeks. Anyway she just does not want to walk anywhere even to get some fresh air. We went to my aunty's in haverhill tuesday for two nights and she sulked when we went for a day out in cambridge, even though we had seen a film too. We did what she wanted to do but when it comes to what I wish to do she sulks. I have to nag her to shower brush her hair, even get up, and tidy her room while she stays and I make her do the washing up and make her own lunch.

She is mostly good and helpful, but when sulk comes on its probably three words i get out of her. I suggested monday we go to manchester and go and look around the free museums etc and have lunch out. she doesnt like musuems. she wont try anything new. So monday we are going to my sisters which she does want to do.

I think my daughter is quite good, but just sometimes she doesnt want to clean herself up. And she suffers when she is on her period. So it means I dont go anywhere either unless she does.

Anyone else get stressed about these things?

LegalBlonde

Not much experience of these things am sure some MSE parents will be along in a bit.

What were you like when you were 13?

pigpen

All perfectly normal teenage behaviour!

She will become human in about 5 years.

I think their bedroom is a kind of transformation chamber in which they transform from a child to an adult over the period of about 5-8 years.. boys seem to take a little longer in general.

signs this may be occuring are a general lack of personal hygiene.. (get a shower or I WILL wash you! is not an idle threat in here!).. communication skills drop to the level of homo erectus.. ability to do anything for onesself becomes impossible.. so they do without.. if they get in trouble for not preparing school stuff.. tough.. if they dont do lunch they starve.. simple.. messy rooms/dirty laundry.. shut the door and leave them to their squalor.

As long you alow her to dictate what you do or do not do them you are the mug... she is a child she does as she is told.. you want to go out she comes.. dont be dictated to now or by the time she is 15 you wont stand a chance you may as well write Welcome and your back and mug on your forehead! .. Firm boundaries are needed as when she was a toddler!

Savvy_Sue

When you find out why they're like this, and more to the point what you can do about it, bottle the formula, sell it and you will make a fortune! :rotfl:

I used to find that negotiation / hard bargaining was the best way, but tbh I probably didn't insist on trying to 'do' things with them so much at that age: scarred by earlier years with DS1 who we later found has Asperger Syndrome ...

Even now they're older, we bargain. DS3 wants a lift somewhere, so he's done the washing up. He'd have done it eventually anyway (trust me!), but it's happened a lot sooner because he wants something from me.

SDG31000

My DSs are 12 and 15 and I can relate to this very well. DS1 has only left the house to go to Games Workshop this school holiday and then only if he can get a lift there and back. I've given up arguing with him and now leave him to it most of the time. DS2 is a little more willing to go out, but not by much.
I think it's a side effect of all those hormone changes and that they will out grow it eventually. For now there are things that they have to do and go to. The rest of the time we leave DS1 in charge and go and do whatever needs doing without them.

Butterfliesarepretty

pigpen wrote: »

All perfectly normal teenage behaviour!

She will become human in about 5 years.

I think their bedroom is a kind of transformation chamber in which they transform from a child to an adult over the period of about 5-8 years.. boys seem to take a little longer in general.

signs this may be occuring are a general lack of personal hygiene.. (get a shower or I WILL wash you! is not an idle threat in here!).. communication skills drop to the level of homo erectus.. ability to do anything for onesself becomes impossible.. so they do without.. if they get in trouble for not preparing school stuff.. tough.. if they dont do lunch they starve.. simple.. messy rooms/dirty laundry.. shut the door and leave them to their squalor.

As long you alow her to dictate what you do or do not do them you are the mug... she is a child she does as she is told.. you want to go out she comes.. dont be dictated to now or by the time she is 15 you wont stand a chance you may as well write Welcome and your back and mug on your forehead! .. Firm boundaries are needed as when she was a toddler!

Thanks unfortunately I cant leave things to squalor, she tidies the bathroom when she has used it etc. she has just made me toast for lunch. She doesnt live with me so the father has had her sulks too, his time off work has been wasted because she wont go anywhere with him either.

i like my house tidy all the time. my parents did not go out much so as a teenager i shut myself away too. but i was a clean freak then and was always cleaning the house after my parents,

Tropez

She's a teenager and at 13 she's probably starting to realise the whole "not enough hours in a day" thing, so when she isn't at school, she wants to do things that entertain her because her time off is precious to her and it does seem like school days last much, much longer than weekends and holidays - so she doesn't want to do what you're doing because it is boring or uninteresting to her. Probably sitting at home, reading a magazine or watching TV seems like the height of entertainment but importantly to her she isn't being forced to do something that she finds boring.

That doesn't mean that it is wrong to try and get her out doing things but if you want to understand why then that is the most likely reason.

peevedandlostforideas

Sounds like a typical teenager.

I didn't really want to do what my guardians did when I was that age and certainly not going to the museum. I was more interested in girls and football - it could have been alot worse.

pigpen

Butterfliesarepretty wrote: »

Thanks unfortunately I cant leave things to squalor, she tidies the bathroom when she has used it etc. she has just made me toast for lunch. She doesnt live with me so the father has had her sulks too, his time off work has been wasted because she wont go anywhere with him either.

i like my house tidy all the time. my parents did not go out much so as a teenager i shut myself away too. but i was a clean freak then and was always cleaning the house after my parents,

Public spaces mine clean too but their own pits if they want it horrible that is their problem, they are the ones who cannot find anything.. they learn eventually!

and more fool him for allowing her to dictate to him where and when he can go out too.. I currently have 4 and an almost teenagers (19, 17, 15, 14 and 12.5) and there is no way any one of them would be given the option of whether we all go out or not.. fortunately some are old enough to stay home alone so do. If I waited for unanimous permission to go out Id never leave the house!

rainbow81

Butterfliesarepretty wrote: »

Thanks unfortunately I cant leave things to squalor, she tidies the bathroom when she has used it etc. she has just made me toast for lunch. She doesnt live with me so the father has had her sulks too, his time off work has been wasted because she wont go anywhere with him either.

That bit stuck out for me - she's not there to entertain her dad or you. If she wants to miss out on what you consider "fun" then let her. She's probably just making a stand. I'm sure it will continue for many more years!

Does she go out with her friends when she can? Maybe she would rather be doing that than hanging around with her parents. I'm sure at 13 I wouldn't have considered it very "cool" to be off out with my mum or dad, whatever the activity.

I do have a child who never wants to do anything while I'm raring to go, so I do understand it's frustrating to be faced with negativity when you want to give them a nice time. However, I think if you force the issue you will drive a wedge between you. If you NEED to go out and she has to come with you then that's obviously when you have to put your foot down. But if she doesn't want to go round museums, is it that big an issue?

claire16c

I couldnt stand doing stuff my with my parents at that age! I spent all my summer holidays with my friends.

Now Im older I like spending time with my parents but at that age it was just totally embarassing. She sounds pretty normal to me!