First House with partner - Advice Needed

danii

I am looking to rent a house with my boyfriend in October and we are due to have a baby in December. We both earn a simular wage and work full time, we have discussed splitting everything fairly. However I drive and he doesn't, about £170 of my wages each month goes towards petrol and insurance for my car (which I own). Is it wrong for me to think that I shoudln't pay as much in bills as a large chunk goes out on running my car? He is going to be saving quite a bit because at the moment he rents on his own, really need some advice on this.:)

19lottie82

If he travels in the car regularly, then no. If he doesn't, yes.

gillypkk

your car shouldnt matter to the household bills. you should both pay equal shares of the household bills and anything else left over is for your car or his whatever.

Werdnal

There is an old adage: What's yours is mine, and what's mine is my own.

If you excuse me being a little blunt here - you are entering into a partnership and going to be bringing up a baby soon. Talking about "your" and "his" shouldn't come into it if you are going the share everything in your life together and build a firm relationship for your future, and your baby.

I know you want to get the finances straight in your mind, but this car of "yours" - does he benefit from it at all? Do you take him out with you, run household errands, get the shopping etc? If so, you are both benefitting from having the car, so even if you are the only driver, and it is in your name, it is an expense for you both.

Also, when baby comes along, will you still work full time? If not, would you still be able to afford to keep and run your car? Would it impact on you all if you lost it?

I would split everything 50:50. Starting off by pointing the finger that this is "your" expense and this is "mine" is not the way forward.

Mojisola

Have a read through this thread - https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3427571 - and see the different ways other people do it.

FireWyrm

I'm with Werdnal on this. Excuse me being blunt too, but I've never understood how couples can possibly manage to run a house with split incomes like this. The bottom line is that you are in this together, the HOUSE has an income which is the sum of your two individual wages. Anything that is left over should be split equally between you. I cant see how anything else is fair considering the disparity between most couple's incomes. In my house, I'm the main breadwinner, my DH doesnt earn a penny piece, but all the bills are paid and we both have a little extra pocket money. If you start counting who ownes what and who put what into this or that bill, in my opinion and experience, this is just a recipe for trouble. I've known many people who tried to do it this way and ended up getting into arguments about it.

x_missymoo_x

I agree with the others on this.

I rented with my boyfriend for 3 years, we've now moved back to my parents to try and save some money for wedding / honeymoon/ own house to buy. As far as bills and rent were concerned, we both split it 50-50. Throughout our 3 years of renting, our incomes changed drastically. To start with I was a student, then I graduated and am now earning my own wage. OH has been at college and in a few different jobs before finally settling in his most recent. Now obviously there have been times where one of us has had more or less money than the other and in these situations we always worked something out.

However, for things such as a car and petrol costs, you have chosen to have those so he should not be penalised for your choice. Starting to think like that could you get you in a whole host of arguments. E.g. you watch more TV than I do so you should pay a greater portion of the TV license? It just doesn't work like that, well not for many people. The majority of people I know all split the rent and bills equally, then the things they own personally on top of that are paid for by themselves. And also as has been mentioned before, what about when the baby comes? You both worked together to make the baby, but will you be expecting to pay different shares towards looking after him / her?

claire16c

I agree with the others.

If I was having a baby with someone and going to be living with them and thinking along those lines I would wonder why I was in a relationship that had got that far and I was still thinking like this.

Also as you say he is going to be saving quite a bit - which is great - Im sure when your baby comes a lot of that money could end up going on the baby. Imagine if he then started saying whatever he paid towards the baby, you had to as well. Thats just one example of many you could end up arguing over if you start looking at who spends what.

Im sure you sometimes travel in the car together too?

danii

I dont think any of you have any right to question our relationship!!! I have never rented before so how am I meant to know how certain things work? I don't so I just needed advice on how things like that were handled.

Werdnal

danii wrote: »

I dont think any of you have any right to question our relationship!!! I have never rented before so how am I meant to know how certain things work? I don't so I just needed advice on how things like that were handled.

No one here is questioning your relationship. You asked for advice on how the "money split" works in a household; whether you are renting or buying a place, makes no difference. If you are partners sharing a home, you should share the costs of running that home, be it bills, food, mortgage/rent, car, or whatever! As another poster put it, if he watched more TV than you, should he pay the higher portion of the TV licence fee? You cannot quantify the individual liability for all the things you use, buy or spend on your home. If your partner is saving money on his former rent, then he should also put this in the main pot - not think "I'm saving money now we are sharing, so that money is mine"!

It is not questioning you personally, but stating the fact that many, many relationships fall foul of disputes over money. Split it half each and there should be no arguments over that. You have enough stress coming with moving in together and starting a family. Put your incomes together, pay the bills from that pot of money and enjoy your new little one without letting differences over who pays what spoiling this exciting new time for you. Please don't think we are judging you at all, it is general advice on how it should be done, fairly and without any resentment towards each other for not paying their way or contributing enough.

Good luck with your move and your baby

Errata

danii wrote: »

I dont think any of you have any right to question our relationship!!! I have never rented before so how am I meant to know how certain things work? I don't so I just needed advice on how things like that were handled.

In that case, chuck yours and his wages into a pot, pay out of it what needs to be paid for and give what's left to the baby.
It isn't a case of what's fair, or what's right, you're planning to set up a family unit and that means all the money belongs to the family unit and not 'your's' or 'his'. That's how family units work - as a unit.