Have upset MIL?

Gigglepig

I would stay in touch with her. Her reply does not look offensive in any way, it just sounds like she is worried about the situation and cares about you all, and finds it a bit of a struggle. Hopefully things will settle down and go back to normal.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

make_me_wise wrote: »

It cant do any harm to send an email or a letter in a nice card. Say you were concerned when she said in her message that she will struggle on (she sounds like a self absorbed drama queen to be honest). What is the worst that can happen? Either she will reply and confide in you what is going on and the air will be cleared. Or she wont and you can then feel justified in letting things drop with her.

sorry - she mean's her mother (who is in her 90's)

pelirocco wrote: »

Maybe she didnt see the pics ? , were they an attachment ? , she might not realise they were there

Nope - She would have definatley saw the pics - I even put in email I had attached them and put "there's some from the XX festival we went to" so she knew what they was IYKWIM

January20 wrote: »

On reflection, and as you live 400 miles away and seem to be in a rather rocky relationship, how often is she going to see this child? It's really hard to involves yourself emotionally in such a situation. She already has a grand-child she has never seen.

And lastly, and I'm sorry if you don't like this comment, it's not meant to offend you but, you chose to have a child, she didn't choose to become a grand-mother again, so do you really have a right to expect her to be as excited -if at all - about it as you are? Other people's pregnancy details, scan photos, etc can be -dare I say it? - quite boring. (I really, really don't mean to offend anybody in saying that!)

Well in all honesty - we used to go once a month to visit, I was hoping to do the same when baby was here. your last comment is absolutley fine It's not the excitement bit im after (god knows my mums excitement is enough!!) it's more that we used to be close until the argument (and she was happy etc for the baby)

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

lill wrote: »

@january20 those were my thoughts too, op when you send these emails do you ask how she is, what shes doing etc. or are you just sending updates about you and your bump... could be shes feeling a little neglected

Nope - Always ask how her and her husband are.

In email I sent the first point was to ask how they was (her and husband)

Second point was to say we are fine, been to a festival with DD, have attached pics

third point was very brief about bump

fourth point was asking after nan and family

fifth point was to say our vegetable garden is all but finished and asking how they was getting on (something OH and his step dad had in common)

and then said bye

Obviously i put it friendly and not "points" lol

Teenie_D

Why not phone her and ask her if she is ok, you could mention her response (or lack of )to your e mail , does she usually have more to say? It does sound like she is unhappy with something, there may be things going on that you are not aware of?

I would keep up the contact and see what happens but I can see that if you make the effort and your not getting much back that you will start to get a bit fed up with it.

delain

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Nope - Always ask how her and her husband are.

In email I sent the first point was to ask how they was (her and husband)

Second point was to say we are fine, been to a festival with DD, have attached pics

third point was very brief about bump

fourth point was asking after nan and family

fifth point was to say our vegetable garden is all but finished and asking how they was getting on (something OH and his step dad had in common)

and then said bye

Obviously i put it friendly and not "points" lol

I'd say that's a perfect email, ne I'd have been happy to recieve in her shoes.

I would also still say keep going, and agree with others that she probably feels a bit awkward about her son's behaviour.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Teenie_D wrote: »

Why not phone her and ask her if she is ok, you could mention her response (or lack of )to your e mail , does she usually have more to say? It does sound like she is unhappy with something, there may be things going on that you are not aware of?

I would keep up the contact and see what happens but I can see that if you make the effort and your not getting much back that you will start to get a bit fed up with it.

I know she is worried about nan - We was going to visit nan (and MIL etc whilst there) but MIL decided to not tell nan about the baby (saying it would be stressful?) and the obviously there was the fall out so we havent been down. We was due to go down the weekend after our fall out (and stay with MIL) who was exceited about us going but then when she found out about the fall out she cancelled the weekend (which upset DD)

delain wrote: »

I'd say that's a perfect email, ne I'd have been happy to recieve in her shoes.

I would also still say keep going, and agree with others that she probably feels a bit awkward about her son's behaviour.

see the way i see it is - I'm not mentioning it, It's done and in the past. If we arent bothered about it im not sure why she would be?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Teenie_D wrote: »

Why not phone her and ask her if she is ok, you could mention her response (or lack of )to your e mail , does she usually have more to say? It does sound like she is unhappy with something, there may be things going on that you are not aware of?

I would keep up the contact and see what happens but I can see that if you make the effort and your not getting much back that you will start to get a bit fed up with it.

used to get jokes from her (constantly!) updates, pics etc - now - its barely a paragraph

TeamLowe

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

He then stopped speaking to her – It’s been 4 months now.

why did he stop speaking to her?

maybe she thinks he will see this as you going behind his back or say that it is her interfering.

i'd say from her response she does want to be involved, she's just not sure of her footing right now, especially if you're pretending like there's nothing going on between them two and doesn't want to do anything to drive her son further away. she may also find it strange that you're not siding with OH, some people have a different concept of loyalty and think that couples should always think the exact same way about someone

it does you no harm to carry on sending the updates and it may be bringing her some happiness at what must be a very tough time for her, with her son not speaking to her and her mother very ill x x

Molly41

It sounds to me that she has got a lot on her plate looking after her mother and might be totally overwhelmed.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

TeamLowe wrote: »

why did he stop speaking to her?

maybe she thinks he will see this as you going behind his back or say that it is her interfering.

i'd say from her response she does want to be involved, she's just not sure of her footing right now, especially if you're pretending like there's nothing going on between them two and doesn't want to do anything to drive her son further away. she may also find it strange that you're not siding with OH, some people have a different concept of loyalty and think that couples should always think the exact same way about someone

it does you no harm to carry on sending the updates and it may be bringing her some happiness at what must be a very tough time for her, with her son not speaking to her and her mother very ill x x

He stopped speaking to her because she told me not to be with him any more - she rollocked him and told him i'm better off without him.

I just dont mention what happened - nor do i mention anything about them not talking. I always mention OH in the emails - as in "we've all been to ......." and have sent pics from a weekend away which included OH

She knows he has moved out (I've told her as i thought she should know where he is in case me and him don't work out as i know he will need her) and she knows we're trying to sort things but this was all mentioned ages ago when the argument first happened.