Have upset MIL?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Me and OH’s mum used to get on great (she lives 400 miles away!) – speaking often, and emailing – telling her what we had been up to etc and vice versa. Found out we was pregnant – she was happy for us.

However, Me and OH got in a rather nasty argument which ended up in him being removed from the house by the police to calm down. I telephoned his mum to tell her (OH suffers with depression, I was worried about him as he was refusing calls – looking back probably shouldn’t have rang her) but was worried and my mum said she would want to know.

His mum then told me to not take OH back, she told OH the same. I did take him back (He’s since moved out but comes home at weekends) He then stopped speaking to her – It’s been 4 months now.

I’ve tried to keep in contact – texting her when we went for first scan to say all ok, second scan to say baby was a girl etc sometimes getting replies, other times not.

Anyway – sent her an email yesterday with some pics (Scan pics are on there – one of my bump – few of my daughter who she was attached to even though she isn’t officially related) and was asking how everyone was etc

Got this reply “Glad you are all ok. Nan struggles on. Look after yourself”

Nothing about any pics – or anything else in the email I sent.

OH tells me not to bother – that she won’t come round to talking to us and that’s that.

This is her 3rd grandchild. She has one who lives near her who she see’s often, 1 who she hasn’t seen or had contact for 9 years and then there’s ours.

DD doesn’t see her Dad or her grandparents and that upsets me (their choice, not mine) and now it doesn’t seem the baby will see hers either

Is it worth me trying to keep contact going or just give in? I’d assume OH would tell his mum when baby is born?? Am tempted to send an email asking exactly what the problem is but I’m worried it will make things worse between her and us. OH isn’t interested in keeping in contact (He can easily cut people out of his life)

What would you do?

peachyprice

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

His mum then told me to not take OH back, she told OH the same. I did take him back (He’s since moved out but comes home at weekends) He then stopped speaking to her – It’s been 4 months now.

Perhaps she doesn't want to keep a close relationship with you, your DD and the new baby only to lose you all if your separation becomes permanent.

There is also perhaps some guilt/shame on her part for her son's behaviour resulting in him having to be removed from your home by the police and obviously putting a pregnant woman in danger.

delain

I would keep on with the updating emails, birthday cards, occasional invites to events, a birth announcement etc don't make a massive deal out of it, she will probably come round eventually.

She might be distancing herself so she doesn't get hurt as their family seems quite good at cutting each other out.

At least if you've kept in regular contact she can never turn around and say she was pushed out by you.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

peachyprice wrote: »

Perhaps she doesn't want to keep a close relationship with you, your DD and the new baby only to lose you all if your separation becomes permanent.

There is also perhaps some guilt/shame on her part for her son's behaviour resulting in him having to be removed from your home by the police and obviously putting a pregnant woman in danger.

My mums said this - but then MIL knows how hard i've tried to keep DD in cotact with her father and his family so I'm not sure why she would think that.

delain wrote: »

I would keep on with the updating emails, birthday cards, occasional invites to events, a birth announcement etc don't make a massive deal out of it, she will probably come round eventually.

She might be distancing herself so she doesn't get hurt as their family seems quite good at cutting each other out.

At least if you've kept in regular contact she can never turn around and say she was pushed out by you.

I have been doing so far - but have started to wonder if they are pointless. She might not even be interested now

delain

I'd send them anyway. Id say she probably appreciates them more than you think, and probably looks forward to them

January20

"Nan struggles on" Who is she referring to with this comment? Herself? her own mother? Doesn't sound like she is really happy. Has she got a lot on her plate? Perhaps she was busy or tired or stressed when she wrote back to you? At least she wrote back to you!

lill

@january20 those were my thoughts too, op when you send these emails do you ask how she is, what shes doing etc. or are you just sending updates about you and your bump... could be shes feeling a little neglected

lurvlyloz

i would carry on sending them. just dont put your self too far out and dont take it to heart if she doesn't reply. her issue is probably with her own son not you. your little girl will have the love and support of you and your family and as long as your seen to be doing the right thing then nothing can come thrown at you at a later date if you ad the father did seperate permanently.

Good Luck & Big Hug

xx

make_me_wise

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Is it worth me trying to keep contact going or just give in? I’d assume OH would tell his mum when baby is born?? Am tempted to send an email asking exactly what the problem is but I’m worried it will make things worse between her and us. OH isn’t interested in keeping in contact (He can easily cut people out of his life)

What would you do?

It cant do any harm to send an email or a letter in a nice card. Say you were concerned when she said in her message that she will struggle on (she sounds like a self absorbed drama queen to be honest). What is the worst that can happen? Either she will reply and confide in you what is going on and the air will be cleared. Or she wont and you can then feel justified in letting things drop with her.

pelirocco

Maybe she didnt see the pics ? , were they an attachment ? , she might not realise they were there

January20

On reflection, and as you live 400 miles away and seem to be in a rather rocky relationship, how often is she going to see this child? It's really hard to involves yourself emotionally in such a situation. She already has a grand-child she has never seen.

And lastly, and I'm sorry if you don't like this comment, it's not meant to offend you but, you chose to have a child, she didn't choose to become a grand-mother again, so do you really have a right to expect her to be as excited -if at all - about it as you are? Other people's pregnancy details, scan photos, etc can be -dare I say it? - quite boring. (I really, really don't mean to offend anybody in saying that!)