road rage

RuthnJasper

P.S. Believe your boyfriend as well. He loves YOU - not just the case that carries you around!

Fat? No - there's just more of you to love...!

pug_in_a_bed

thank you so much for all of your kind replies.

that incident yesterday has just brought up so many issues for me!

i know i have an anger issue, i have looked into anger management before and will do again.

this morning the same make of car was behind me and i just froze - not good, not good at all.

boyfriend works away all week, i haven't told him yet, don't know if i will to be honest.

i live in a town actually, not very big and this all happened on quite residential streets. i think the guy lives close aswell, which means i may see him again which would be awful.

felt wretched all day, didn't sleep very well last night!

make_me_wise

pug_in_a_bed wrote: »

i dont know how to describe what happened to me earlier. i'm ashamed of my behaviour and i brought what happened on myself. i hate myself at the moment

i was driving home, paused to turn right so was waiting in the middle of the road to turn to let traffic go. someone beeped behind me, couldn't go as traffic coming obviously. then a large car tried to turn in as i was turning - luckily he stopped.

drove down the road next to a park, some boys rode on bikes into the road so i slowed down quite a bit and waited for them to cross. the guy behind me was shouting but i thought it can't possbily at me, he can see the kids.

at the junction ahead to turn left, i stopped to give way although no traffic, buts its blind to the left so you have to edge out.

guy behind me slipped round me and over took me just as i moved out and i swered onto the pavement.

i shouted at him out the window. he shouted back, swore etc.

and then i lost my temper, i out my foot down and followed him until he came to a stop a few minutes later. i stopped next to him and roared at him again, you know beeps etc.

i pulled up and got out of my car (i''m 5ft nothing), parked up and went over, carried on shouting etc, he said i was too slow.

His driving was dangerous and erratic and when i got near i felt he had been drinking, cue more yelling and him goading me to call the police. i took the reg etc. when i got home i called the police and gave his reg

however, it was the abuse he gave me that was the worst thing. he began to shout at me about how ugly i was, how fat i was, how i'll never get married because i'm so fat and so on. as i walked away he was shouting why don't you lose some weight and so.

Forgive yourself. You were trying to be a careful driver and some idiot behaves this way toward you. Alot of his aggressiveness and the foul things he said may have been drink fuelled.

The only thing I will say against your actions is that by following him and saying what you did it could have put you in danger. Personally I think you got off light by him being verbally abusive, not that this is acceptable. Someone of his temperament and intelligience level could so easily have pulled a knife or got physically nasty in other ways. Next time somebody drives dangerously, take down their reg number and call the police, then leave it at that. For your own sake, emotional and otherwise.

Molly41

Could there be a physical reason why you have put so much weight on and that your emotions are all over the place? I know that the Pill had a very bad effect on my moods for example? Have you had an MOT and a thyroid function test recently? Discount medical reasons and then you can tackle your issues. I also know that eating regularly and well stabilises my mood and that when Im hungry I just flip.

pug_in_a_bed

make me wise, i absolutely agree - here's me 5 foot nothing squaring up to 2 burly builders. i scared myself no doubt about it. they must have thought i was absolutely off my rocker.

molly41, i've put on weight i think by stopping looking after myself, feeling down and then don't care about myself - unfortunately my appetite is not curbed when i'm depressed! its purely eating too much and the wrong things. i agree with you about the eating, i know that i do feel better when taking care of myself but it gets like a vicious circle.

i know the answer, just like all of us usually do when we've put on weight...it really was very surreal hearing all those things, that i often think myself, from the mouth of a stranger. a little part of you thinks it must be true then, if someone else says it. i am fighting that i promise.

make_me_wise

I am assuming your motive for following this guy and giving him what for was because you were annoyed at how dangerously he drove. It speaks volumes about him that instead of justifying his actions (which obviously he couldn't) he diverted the conversation. He chose to insult your appearance to well and truly deflect things away from his conduct. Deep down he knew that how he drove was wrong. I suspect he was also aware he shouldn't have been driving as he had probably had a drink or 2.

He is not going to admit that to you though. He has shown himself up good and proper and was probably stood there feeling like a scolded kid. You can bet your life other people witnessed his driving and his aggressive foul mouthed rant at you. I wouldn't be surprised if you haven't yelled a little common sense into him though OP. If you losing your temper means that he thinks 'Im slowing down a bit, dont want some other bird tearing me a new one', then you have done well. Your temper could be the difference now of him not knocking down a kid on its bike or an old age pensioner.

For reasons stated before I wouldn't risk it again but dont be so hard on yourself that it has happened.

Molly41

pug_in_a_bed wrote: »

molly41, i've put on weight i think by stopping looking after myself, feeling down and then don't care about myself - unfortunately my appetite is not curbed when i'm depressed! its purely eating too much and the wrong things. i agree with you about the eating, i know that i do feel better when taking care of myself but it gets like a vicious circle.

i know the answer, just like all of us usually do when we've put on weight...it really was very surreal hearing all those things, that i often think myself, from the mouth of a stranger. a little part of you thinks it must be true then, if someone else says it. i am fighting that i promise.

I think you need to speak to yourself with kindness and compassion when those thoughts come.

I have been following the following thread
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3313316

and cant recommend it highly enough. It is all about making very small changes and in doing so addressing some of the issues you speak of.

Plans_all_plans

I think you should be feeling very sorry for the poor woman who will have hitched herself to that loser and who will have to endure his bad mouth every day. I don't know why but for some reason, the very worst men ALWAYS manage to get a woman. You should feel very lucky that you have such a lovely man and be glad that you stood up for yourself.

meritaten

Hun - the reason this guy got all het up and abused you - is because he knew you were right to pull him up on his bad driving.
Maybe, he will drive more carefully in future not wanting to run the risk of another angry lady doing the same as you! or even worse the constabulary!
Forget him now hun! he isnt worth another minute of worry!

There_Goes_Trouble

I think that this man has verbalised the way you think about yourself, and that half the shock of the incident today is having your thoughts thrown back at yourself.

However, they are things you can change if you really want to, and I say if you WANT to because it is up to you, not him how you decide to keep your appearance. If you are basically happy then don't change a thing, but I suspect from your reaction and the tone of your email that you're not happy about yourself.

start with a trip to your doctor for a check up in case your weight gain is health related. Then discuss ways to lose weight, maybe a gym referral would help, or joining weight watchers. Maybe a chat with a dietician would help? The doctor may be able to advise you on how best to care for your skin too, adult acne is different from teenage acne, but I'm sure that improving your diet can only help.

i've put on weight i think by stopping looking after myself, feeling down and then don't care about myself - unfortunately my appetite is not curbed when i'm depressed! its purely eating too much and the wrong things. i agree with you about the eating, i know that i do feel better when taking care of myself but it gets like a vicious circle.

I hope you don't think I'm being mean, I think you were very brave to stand up to this bully, I would never have had the guts to do that (although I agree that you could have been badly hurt), but I think that what this man said about your appearance has had a profound effect on your self confidence and self awareness.

If you think what he said is true, then break the cycle. I know it's easier said than done, but with the support of a good GP and a group like WW or similar, you can make a huge change, and it may even help with your depression. If you are not hapy with yourself physically then that will only be adding to the depression, surely?