road rage

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

"however, it was the abuse he gave me that was the worst thing. he began to shout at me about how ugly i was, how fat i was, how i'll never get married because i'm so fat and so on. as i walked away he was shouting why don't you lose some weight and so."

So he basically, in the space of a few seconds, managed to pick on the exact inadequacies that you have about yourself. I mean is this guy Sigmund Freud or something? "You'll never get married". Who shouts that? are you sure he didn't shout that you should "get back home and post your problems on the money saving expert forum!"

No wonder people keep talking about The Jeremy Kyle show on here all the time. It's just become a message board to post some inane and barely believable problem so people can get a bit of attention. Maybe original posters could post a phot of themselves crying so we can all see what this episode has done to them.

pug_in_a_bed

Yes, he really did say those things, and yes i really was hurt by them. And yes I really frightened myself and put myself in a dangerous situation by losing my temper.

Regardless of the insults this man threw at me, road rage is a very real issue and one many people have experienced or even been a part of.

There was no need for you to post here other than to make unpleasant comments.

The beauty of mse is that there is so much more to the site than moneysaving, there is support provided for all kinds of problems and issues - money related or not.

You only have to look at the threads like the flylady thread, the depression support thread, the trying to conceive threads and so on. Do you find those offensive as well?

I do not engage in the trading of insults/wind ups on internet forums, when i comment on a thread I comment with a suggestion, a practicality or an idea or some support. I don't join threads to inflame them, or to take away from the support provided.

pug_in_a_bed

There_Goes_Trouble wrote: »

I think that this man has verbalised the way you think about yourself, and that half the shock of the incident today is having your thoughts thrown back at yourself.

However, they are things you can change if you really want to, and I say if you WANT to because it is up to you, not him how you decide to keep your appearance. If you are basically happy then don't change a thing, but I suspect from your reaction and the tone of your email that you're not happy about yourself.

start with a trip to your doctor for a check up in case your weight gain is health related. Then discuss ways to lose weight, maybe a gym referral would help, or joining weight watchers. Maybe a chat with a dietician would help? The doctor may be able to advise you on how best to care for your skin too, adult acne is different from teenage acne, but I'm sure that improving your diet can only help.



I hope you don't think I'm being mean, I think you were very brave to stand up to this bully, I would never have had the guts to do that (although I agree that you could have been badly hurt), but I think that what this man said about your appearance has had a profound effect on your self confidence and self awareness.

If you think what he said is true, then break the cycle. I know it's easier said than done, but with the support of a good GP and a group like WW or similar, you can make a huge change, and it may even help with your depression. If you are not hapy with yourself physically then that will only be adding to the depression, surely?

Thank you for this. I am going to return to cbt counselling I think, and am looking at booking a place on an anger management course in October. The bit in bold sums this incident up for me - it was jsut so weird now i think about it!

But you're absolutely right. Hearing the worst things you think about yourself in your head out loud, from a stranger no less, was very bizarre to say the least!

Marisco

Don't let it worry you Pug. And certainly don't get upset about what an idiot calls you!! Just laugh in his face, even if you're crying inside, or say something like "I might be fat, and you're a twonk, but I can lose weight!!" Then look him up and down with scorn and walk away

Nimeth

Pug, ignore those who are just after a wind-up.

As for the fellow who shouted at you in the street, well maybe you are a little overweight but if you are determined enough, you can change that. He, on the other hand, will have to keep his own disagreeable company for the rest of his life.

A small thing I discovered when I was trying to shed a few pounds, the body apparently confuses thirst with hunger. Sometimes I'd have a snack and still think I was hungry, so I had tea or water instead and the craving would go away. So next time you get the munchies, try having something to drink instead and see if that helps.:cool:

summerday

Hi Pug,

I don't think you did much wrong at all, I think that the other driver pushed you and pushed you and scared you by putting you and other road users at risk so you let off a bit of steam. But he was the one who seemed to be looking for a fight with his aggressive driving and nasty shouted comments.

Remember too that a bully like him would have found nasty things to shout at you whatever you had looked like, even if you were Kate Moss he would have shouted some horrid, offensive things that made you doubt yourself and feel upset. That's what he was aiming for, so don't let him win.

He clearly hit your sore points, but whether or not you try to lose weight is something that you need to decide in your own time and your own way, not because some bully pushed you into it. Remember- being overweight os not a crime, it may well not be the way you want to stay but don't let it stop you from enjoying your life in the here and now until you do lose weight.

Try to enjoy your holiday and really relax, but maybe also think positively about any changes you want to make in your life in the near future. xx

PS I also suffer from adult acne, it runs in my family unfortunately. Feel free to pm me and I can tell you the treatments that have worked best to help keep it under control as it's much better now than it has been.

C_Mababejive

I drive all day at work and because of this,you train your mind and driving so that you conform to the law,dont speed, let the traffic and the idiots flow around you and do as they please,dont get stressed and dont get involved in conflict or road rage.

If someone is desperate to overtake me and wants speed i think..so what...i am driving my vehicle,they are driving theirs. Im not responsible for their vehicle,their driving or their issues. If they want to overtake,let them. If they want to rant,let them. If they run up the back of me due to their impatience,let them. I'll clutch my neck,take some pictures and file a report with my solicitor to extract cash and make them pay lots more for their insurance.

If i see an idiot behind me, i just smile,keep to the speed limit and enjoy the fact that im calm whilst he is stressed. I feel better because i know that some day,he will get caught speeding/get some points of whatever and eventually be taken off the road.....and I'll still be burbling along at the speed limit,still employed,still calm.......

dibuzz

In my experience men tend to get personal when they are in the wrong rather than admit it.
The day my dad died I had to go shopping, I was waiting in the crowded car park for a car to pull out so I could reverse in. As I started to reverse a car quickly shot in from the opposite direction with the driver laughing. The trolley man said to him I had been waiting for that space and he said "the miserable cow doesn't deserve a space with a face like that"
I drove home unable to see where I was going through my tears and have never shopped there again.

bugslet

Ronaldo, some things affect people for all sorts of reasons and if it's hurtful to them and they want to ask forhelp on here, then so be it.

Pug, we all focus on negative things in our lives and never the times we were complimented and the times we succeeded in an area of our lives. Please try to erase this muppet who was having his own bad hair day ( if he had any:p) from your mind and replay some good memories. Might feel a bit forced at first but persevere. The more you think about this, the more importance you give this incident.

When I'm unhappy in other areas of my life, the weight piles on, when I'm happier, i eat 'normally'. Is it worth looking at work or home life to see if there are changes you can make that might help with the weight problem?

There_Goes_Trouble

pug_in_a_bed wrote: »

I am going to return to cbt counselling I think, and am looking at booking a place on an anger management course in October.

Good for you!!!!!

Maybe something good will come from the incident, maybe once you're into the CBT and am starting to feel more positive you'll be glad that something spurred you into action, even though it was a nasty incident that did it. Honestly, don't focus on the muppet who yelled at you, if he was capeable of shouting such nasty comments at a stranger like that then he must be a very sad and lonely person, he's clearly a bully and I can't imagine that anyone in his life particularly likes him much. He'll get what's coming to him sooner or later, I do believe in fate in a round about kind of way. You'll be reading about him in the local newspaper one day, in court or prison for driving offences, road rage incidents or something similar. Then you can smile, screw the paper up and burn it....