Depression

Horasio

Arrrrghhhh!!!

I don't know how more much I can take.

I haven't slept well again and just about got by today. I am not able to do much and need a lot of rest.

My so called caring pig/husband asks me to get the paperwork ready for the man to collect the old car at short notice. I spend ages looking for a lost item. He smuggly says he gave it to me, I don't recall having seen it.

I look over and over in the special places and can't find it. I find that you can get a copy, so sorting out now.

What really gets me is how he treats me when I am low. When I am running on less than empty, he shouts at me when I am obviously unable to cope. It sends me over the edge. I can't think straight, I'm shaking. He denies doing it. It is driving me mad.

He shouted at me yesterday morning for stating how I felt. I felt wretched all day as a result. Does he care?

I can't get over it if he keeps shouting, I'm too stressed and ill to leave. I feel trapped. You hear about people getting abused physically but never heard of anyone being shouted at when they are upset or ill or being shouted at when defending yourself when others are rude and constantly being undermined at every turn. Of course, I am not strong at that time and it gets to me. I think he gets off on grinding me down, sending me nuts. Of course, he looks like the victim as he does it on the sly and everyone sees me looking upset. I feel stupid falling for his sh*tty games. How do I stop looking the fool, how can I be on top for once?

I don't know what to do and I can't function or think straight.

Had a good chat, life is really stressing us and waiting on the place to sell and the car to arrive and the other one taken away. The waiting and inactivity is really getting to me but he has to improve, otherwise I will have to call it a day.

flis21

Hi everyone,

Well doesn't sound like any of us are having a good time at the moment. I feel like I am in some sort of limbo today. I have no energy or drive to do anything, have been watching movies all day, as a way to escape my own life. I like to pretend I am the characters and that my own problems don't exist. Is that sad? Probably but hey, who cares.

I feel very lethargic. Haven't been taken my medication for the last few days. OH has told me off for it and made me take it today, I know it is stupid not to take it, but sometimes I just like forget or don't feel like taking it.

Hubby is home in an hour and a half and I haven't done anything today except the washing up. Flat is a tip and I really don't feel up to doing any of it.

Ethel - My Panic attacks feel like I am going to die. It starts with my shoulder muscles tightening up, gradually goes round all the muscles in my body, I get a horrendous headache, then my chest goes and I feel like I can't breathe. That is about the point I am convinced I am going to die. I hyperventilate and it just spirals out of control, until someone helps me calm down, I escape whatever situation has caused it or I pass out. The thing with panic attacks is (my counsellor told me) no matter how much you feel you are going to die you have to remind yourself that a panic attack will not kill you. Hope this helps.

EthelBloggs

hmm.. my counsellor just rang me.. in fact she's a 'consultant psychotherapist' whatever that means..

anyway, I fessed up to some of my symptoms and she's recommended that i have a referral to adult mental health services :eek:

EthelBloggs

flis21 wrote: »

Hi everyone,


Ethel - My Panic attacks feel like I am going to die. It starts with my shoulder muscles tightening up, gradually goes round all the muscles in my body, I get a horrendous headache, then my chest goes and I feel like I can't breathe. That is about the point I am convinced I am going to die. I hyperventilate and it just spirals out of control, until someone helps me calm down, I escape whatever situation has caused it or I pass out. The thing with panic attacks is (my counsellor told me) no matter how much you feel you are going to die you have to remind yourself that a panic attack will not kill you. Hope this helps.

No.. that's not how I feel.. it's more a constant feeling of dread and fear.. I think thats the best way to describe it

It is very important that you take your meds flis.. if you miss doses then they have to build up again and take time to work and you'll never get off the starting block.. I know this from personal experience :eek:

I think its part of the illness that makes us not take the meds when we should.. its weird, its just a little pill and yet it seems such an effort.

I've also been in the done fekk all all day and rush round for 20 mins before person is due home to make it look like i been busy and actually got dressed, lol.. its a horrible feeling

flis21

EthelBloggs wrote: »

No.. that's not how I feel.. it's more a constant feeling of dread and fear.. I think thats the best way to describe it

It is very important that you take your meds flis.. if you miss doses then they have to build up again and take time to work and you'll never get off the starting block.. I know this from personal experience :eek:

I think its part of the illness that makes us not take the meds when we should.. its weird, its just a little pill and yet it seems such an effort.

I've also been in the done fekk all all day and rush round for 20 mins before person is due home to make it look like i been busy and actually got dressed, lol.. its a horrible feeling

It sounds more like you have anxiety symptoms rather than having actual panic attacks. i think panic attacks last between 5-20 mins, where as a constant feeling like that sounds more like anxiety or it could be a phobia about something. Does it happen at particular times?

I know I should take my meds everyday, but it does seem like a real effort, which is ridiculous as it is only one small tablet!! I will try and take it everyday from now on. I can't cope feeling like this.

Sugar_Coated_Owl

Sorry to hear that you're off for another 4 weeks Pumpkin Pie. What do you do to keep yourself busy? I seem to struggle with keeping myself occupied and end up bored and feeling crappy. How has your day been with your niece. Hope you're enjoying it.

Ethel (((HUGS))) Have you managed to get any further with the bank? I read your other thread and think it's totally out of order of the bank to do that. How on earth can they justify what they have done!

CCStar You really need to remove yourself from this situation. It seems like it is the root cause of your unhappiness/depression. Is there really nowhere else you can go to just for a few days? Do you have any money for a B&B perhaps? (((HUGS)))

Let_Robinson_Sing

when i think i am having a panic attack it feels like i am 'out' of my body my head gets very light weight, my heart races, blood rushes to my head, i get tingling all over and my mouth goes really dry.

Today i think i upset someone but it was totally unintentional and i never apologised. In class today there was a lad who hadnt handed his coursework in and he was holding everyones work back because the teacher needed to standardise them. In business we always have a joke with people etc. so i had said to him "oh <name> you f**k up" and he said "You wouldnt call me that if you knew what was wrong" and i said "whats wrong then" he said "I've been thrown out of my house 2 weeks ago" i felt really bad so i said "have you not told anyone at college" he said "no" i said "why" and then he said "i dont want them to know." he didnt cry but i could tell he was upset and i dont go out to intentionally upset people. i think the only positive thing was his tutor came in to tell him off about his coursework but he told the teacher and they are sorting him out with some accomodatiom as he was living with someone who didnt even have running water.

grr feel so annoyed with myself

Sugar_Coated_Owl

LRS Oops. Perhaps it would be a good idea to apologise tomorrow. It's obvious that you didn't mean to upset the guy. Sometimes we all say things that we later regret. You obviously said what you said as a joke.

flis21 How are you today?

EthelBloggs

its easy to say things and regert them after, you weren't to know his circumstances lrs..

I feel like Im sinking into something thick and gloopy, like mud or treacle or something.. I feel sort of teary but not... my son asked why im grumpy, b/f keeps giving me funny looks and checking on me.. sticking his head round the door and asking if im ok every 5 mins.. arggh..

pscho woman said she thinks the situation with daughter is finally taking its toll and that i possibly borderline agrophobic cos im getng so i wont go out if i can avoid it at all.. even lyng and saying im ill

i just fel so crappy.. i duno what to do anymore. i can't crack up cos everone relies on me but thats what i feel like doing

learning_to_drive

Counsellor tomorrow......