Living with elderly parent - Would I be kicked out of my home?

[Deleted User]

OP, I am a little concerned. Not about where u will be living in 10 years time but about you. I get a bit of a 'worn down and out' feeling when I read your posts. Possibly a bit self pitying, expecting failure but I don't know u so I wouldn't like to say more than possibly.

Sometimes one needs to kindof ignore the past, mistakes etc, not let it make u feel a failure (because u aren't.., u dealt with life the best way you could for reasons that seemed right at the time.., they may have been.., they may not have been but they were right for you at the time). One thing I have learned if u go through life being negative, its amazing how negatively life reacts back at you!

BTW I am a carer .., started off with a career etc and it all went down the plughole. And yes one can feel a failure because (in my case) I don't work.., but while there is that side of things, I also know for certain things wouldn't have worked out as well for my son if I hadn't been able to be there for him. U just do the best you can.

However, have you got any outlets for yourself..,hobbies, something to make you feel good about yourself? Preferably something that will make sure u have a social circle outside your day to day life?

You don't just need to make sure you have somewhere to live, you may need to look at your attitude to life. It may be well deserved but its limiting your choices even now.

I hope I haven't made all sorts of mistaken assumptions!

Markie72

I would first seek a solicitor, as I am sure if your father had to go into a home for any reason and he owns his house I think he might be liable to pay for it. I had a friend in a similar position but his parents signed the house in his name but if I can remember the house would have to be in the sons name for 10years before the house would be clear from liability, please note I am not 100% sure and I am sure they can't kick you out of the house if anything happens like I said seek a solicitor they should be able to help.

franklee

pete-tee wrote: »

Let's just say I've had a number of unsuccessful short term relationships

....

What's galling for me, thinking about this is that An old retired ex work mate got married in his twilight years about 4 years ago, the woman he married had her own home, and moved in with him, still keeping her home as a kind of standby house. He got very ill and recently needed long term care, and as she married him, they could not touch his house as they won't throw a wife out, even though she had a spare home already.

Seemed like she had more stake on a home after married for 4 years than I feel I probably do having lived with my parents for 52 years and no spare home!

It is your father's home. Have you been paying rent or contributing towards the mortgage? If not then you could consider you've had a great deal over the years and it does seem right that dad's home is for looking after him in whatever form that takes. If you have been paying mortgage or rent suggest you find out how that affects things.

As for the wife examples you give, surely that's crossed your father's mind but with the scenario where he's given you part of his home and then you get married ...

Emmzi

many people rent all their days and are quite happy. It would not be the end of the world if you did that. Surely dad getting quality care is more important?

Although the all panic over care stories - the majority of people in this country die out of hosipital, not in it. That isn't a good media story tho, is it...

I wouldn't upgrade his home, I would keep saving so you can rent somewhere decent if you need to.

puddy

franklee wrote: »

It is your father's home. Have you been paying rent or contributing towards the mortgage? If not then you could consider you've had a great deal over the years and it does seem right that dad's home is for looking after him in whatever form that takes. If you have been paying mortgage or rent suggest you find out how that affects things.

As for the wife examples you give, surely that's crossed your father's mind but with the scenario where he's given you part of his home and then you get married ...

yes, i cant understand this, the OP talks as if he couldnt live anywhere else because he couldnt buy and couldnt buy with the women he met because they already had their own homes. why werent you renting your own home? or bedsit or flat share or whatever?

your fathers home will be counted as an asset no matter how many years it is from the date of the hopeful transfer to you, its called deprivation of assets. its his home, which presumably you have not paid into, other than to give housekeeping so he should use it if it comes to need care, why wouldnt he?

remember if he meets a woman at his age and marries her, his property will go to her on death (unless his will says otherwise), so dont get any ideas of marrying her off so that the house cannot be sold if he needs care

im so sorry to say this but i think you need to grow up. 50+ year old men do not live at home with their parents, they just dont

poppysarah

puddy wrote: »

im so sorry to say this but i think you need to grow up. 50+ year old men do not live at home with their parents, they just dont

Some do!

And increasingly more will!

If house prices don't fall in relation to wages then there's no reason why kids will leave home.

Some cultures embrace multi-generational living.

00ec25

poppysarah wrote: »

Some do!
Some cultures embrace multi-generational living.

seconded,
I know someone here at work who is just over 60 and lives with his father at his father's house - its called giving back some of the care they showed you as a kid and keeping father comfortable in his own surroundings rather than moving him into the son's house. (PS the son is no deadbeat either - he earns well into higher rate tax bracket, but chooses to live with his father)

As for the Op then as others have said, deprivation of assets is what will cover your scenario - see the AgeUK website here for their excellent guide on it . There is no time limit on this - the poster taking about 10 years and you're safe is wrong, it depends on council attitudes as nothing is defined in law about time limits.

puddy

theres a big difference between living at home because you choose to care for your parent (which i would support) to living at home because you've never flown away and are now concerned about losing your home because your dad wont sign away his home to you

thats not on

amibovvered

puddy wrote: »

theres a big difference between living at home because you choose to care for your parent (which i would support) to living at home because you've never flown away and are now concerned about losing your home because your dad wont sign away his home to you

thats not on

It's still very insulting to suggest there is something wrong about living with a parent. I never 'flew away' because for a variety of reasons the opportunity never arose, but I held down a challenging and well-paid job for 35 years and do not consider that I need to 'grow up'.

However, my mother and I owned the house jointly and my mother died without having to go into care so fortunately I never had the problem the OP may have.

puddy

ok, i didnt mean to insult anyone and i know there are multi generational families living together very successfully. but rightly or wrongly, i interpreted the OP as coming across as never really establishing an independent life and now is slightly irritated (for want of a better word) that the father wont sign his house or part of it over to him!

if the father needs care, then he should be able to use his asset to enable him to get that without worrying about his son. he should not have to be worrying about his son's housing situation in his old age, which is something that father will worry about by the implied concern the son has about his housing situation should the father need care. without saying it to his dad, he is saying to dad 'where will i live'

thats something that as a self determining adult he should be sorting out himself. ideally, father will just need none or minimal care which son can carry out in the mornings and after work and neither will need to leave their home, but its a possibility that this may not suffice and the son needs to be more assertive and responsible about his own life.