Living with elderly parent - Would I be kicked out of my home?

pete-tee

Hi, well, I have a bit of a question here that I hope someone may be able to offer some advice or assurance or I'm afraid bad news regarding.

I won't bore you with my sad life story just suffice to say I find myself aged 52 living at home still with my elderly father now 77

Let's just say I've had a number of unsuccessful short term relationships and moved jobs a few times, always low paid work, meaning I've never had enough stability in my life, or the money of my own to even consider getting a place of my own, and I accept the chances of a single male with no children getting any help from the council is practically nill.

So that paints a quick picture of my sorry life story, up till today, so in effect, for most of my life, and still now I sadly find myself, as I say living at home with my dad aged 77 (mum sadly died a few years ago)

The house is all paid for and fully in his name, and the will states that upon his death the house will transfer to me, the only child.
When mum died, about 10 years ago, I had hoped dad may of thought about giving me some/part ownership in the home to give me some guarantee if things went wrong with his health. But being a big stubborn he did not fancy that.

This leads me nicely onto my question really, and what I'd like some advice on. So we have a house fully owned by my dad in my dads name, myself having lived here, pretty much all my life, and I don't have and never have had any other home.
Say in years to come he develops some illness which needs long term medical care. Do I have any claim on the/my home? Let's say I may be 55, 60, 65 at the time in question?
Would they force the sale of his/my home from under my feet to pay for his long term health care, and me be thrown out on the street?

This though is causing issues in my dad and my relationship, as I've done a fair amount of DIY around the home over the years, and to be honest there are improvements now that I could spend what money I do have to make the place better, but it's stopping me, as I know I don't have any stake in the place, and I could be putting time and money into something that's sold out form under my feet in years to come.

What's galling for me, thinking about this is that An old retired ex work mate got married in his twilight years about 4 years ago, the woman he married had her own home, and moved in with him, still keeping her home as a kind of standby house. He got very ill and recently needed long term care, and as she married him, they could not touch his house as they won't throw a wife out, even though she had a spare home already.

Seemed like she had more stake on a home after married for 4 years than I feel I probably do having lived with my parents for 52 years and no spare home!

That's nothing to do with me, it's just grates on me a bit. But anyway. Yes, I know my situation is a sad one etc etc.......

I'm just wondering if anyone might know what my future may hold in respect to my home?

Thank you for reading.

missjy

who is the "they" that you think will evict you?
what other options are there for funding his long-term care?

bluecelticgirl

I believe you are thinking the house will have to be sold to pay for care fees if you father has to go into a home. I understand in your case the local authority would only disregard the home if you were aged over 60 or disabled. Some local authorities may also disregard the home if your father's carer was living there - something you should explore perhaps a bit further?

pete-tee

missjy wrote: »

who is the "they" that you think will evict you?
what other options are there for funding his long-term care?

Well, I'm thinking of what might happen if my dad has a long term condition in the future and has to go into a care home.
These days I believe they go all they can to avoid paying for his care, despite all the tax's he's paid over the years, and the state will attempt to sell his/my home to pay to the care home people till all the value of the house has been taken up.

Seems so unfair that theoretically, though it would never happen, he could meet an old lady tomorrow, marry her next week and then the house could not be sold as they won't evict a wife. Or so I understand, and yet me, as his son who has lived with him for 50+ years may have zero rights to stay in the home I've always lived in.

This is what I'm wondering. If, I do have any claim of right to stay in the home as it's my only home. Of if they, the state, the council, whoever does this, would in effect throw me out of my home and sell it.

pete-tee

bluecelticgirl wrote: »

I believe you are thinking the house will have to be sold to pay for care fees if you father has to go into a home. I understand in your case the local authority would only disregard the home if you were aged over 60 or disabled. Some local authorities may also disregard the home if your father's carer was living there - something you should explore perhaps a bit further?

Yes, that is what I am wondering.

So, you have a feeling that, let's say, with the grace of god my dad is well for a few more years yet, which I have no reason to think he won't be. If, and I know it's a big if, as no-one knows what the future holds, he does need full term nursing care, and by that time I am 60. Then you think my age may then give me the right to not lose my home?

Having a carer living here would seem a rather impractical option. Based upon what happened with my elderly work mate a little while ago who became incontinent and lost track of where he was. All they did for him was to have a nurse come around twice a day. Practical terms I would still need to be working full time to pay bills etc, so, on my own I could not really give up work myself to be a carer as that would cause problems money wise for us both.

I have tried to have a talk to him about this, and perhaps having something put in place legally. I'm not sure if this is even possible. So that I do have some legal hold on the property, but he gets defensive as soon as I bring up the subject up as he feels he would be giving up his sole hold on the home.

He wants to pass the home onto me eventually, but he does not want me to have any legal hold onto it.

Londonsu

Check with Age UK they are the best people to advise on care home fees, I do know that when my great Aunt had to go into care, the house could not be sold as her 60 year old daughter was living there, but I believe a charge was put on the home so that if the daughter sold the property (she is still alive and living there) then the council would have the right to some of the money.

But check with Age UK and maybe the CAB or shelter can give you more information.

pete-tee

Londonsu wrote: »

Check with Age UK they are the best people to advise on care home fees, I do know that when my great Aunt had to go into care, the house could not be sold as her 60 year old daughter was living there, but I believe a charge was put on the home so that if the daughter sold the property (she is still alive and living there) then the council would have the right to some of the money.

But check with Age UK and maybe the CAB or shelter can give you more information.

Ah thank you.
You have given me a tiny flicker of hope.
I have spoke to a couple of people at work who also had elderly parents, and whilst they did not live at home as I unfortunately still do, they also said how difficult it was to discuss with their elderly parents this topic. As soon as giving up your hold on the property was mentioned their parents, like my father got very defensive.

Sadly though, what happened to them was that their homes were sold to fund their care, and when it happened both their parents were so sorry that they had not done anything about it earlier, but of course, by then it was too late and they were left with nothing.

I will contact those people you suggest, as least I have a little hope now.

Thank you.

bluecelticgirl

I was not suggesting your dad get a live in carer - I was saying that if your dad at some stage needed care at home you could be his carer (depending on level of care needed I suppose - I know you say you work fulltime and that is why I said depending on level of care - he might only need minimal care which you could provide). The other facts I gave you are correct that the local authority would disregard the home if you were over 60 or disabled. The carer part is apparently only discretionary with some local authorities. You could try and speak to your dad and have your name put on as joint owner. Local authorities can look at what they call deprivation of assets but I understand if this was done when there was no thought of your dad needing care this would not be an issue. As someone suggested have a chat with Age Concern - don't think CAB will be of much use. I do feel for you it is not a nice situation to be in knowing you might lose the only home you have had.

dopester

pete-tee wrote: »

Ah thank you.
You have given me a tiny flicker of hope.
I have spoke to a couple of people at work who also had elderly parents, and whilst they did not live at home as I unfortunately still do, they also said how difficult it was to discuss with their elderly parents this topic. As soon as giving up your hold on the property was mentioned their parents, like my father got very defensive.

Sadly though, what happened to them was that their homes were sold to fund their care, and when it happened both their parents were so sorry that they had not done anything about it earlier, but of course, by then it was too late and they were left with nothing.

I will contact those people you suggest, as least I have a little hope now.

Thank you.

I wouldn't expect my Mum to do as you wish - with her owning the house outright.

Especially not if son had not got a track record of establishing himself responsibly, settled in his own right, not moving low paid job to low paid job with a history of failed relationships behind him.

What if son were to run up debts (oh my new business can't fail - or I deserve to treat myself a little on my new credit card)and begins to struggle with repayments? Even unsecured loans can be made secure these days. Mum could be pursued and have to make payments I would have thought, or risk losing her home. As outright owner (Mum) I wouldn't expect or want her to have any fears, way above the thought of care fee costs in the future.

pete-tee

dopester wrote: »

I wouldn't expect my Mum to do as you wish - with her owning the house outright.

Especially not if son had not got a track record of establishing himself responsibly, settled in his own right, not moving low paid job to low paid job with a history of failed relationships behind him.

What if son were to run up debts (oh my new business can't fail - or I deserve to treat myself a little on my new credit card)and begins to struggle with repayments? Even unsecured loans can be made secure these days. Mum could be pursued and have to make payments I would have thought, or risk losing her home. As outright owner (Mum) I wouldn't expect or want her to have any fears, way above the thought of care fee costs in the future.

OMG, I'm not like that honestly!
I'm not like that. But I know you don't know me, so I can't blame you for those thoughts.
My fault in life, not that I want to really air my sorry in public, was not taking any risks I guess. I foolishly thought that if I left school, didn't socialise and spend money, but just save save saved, then after a few years I would have enough money to put down for my own home.
Unfortunately for me this was at the same time of the housing boom and house prices were probably increasing about 3 to 4 times the speed at which I could save.
Then we had major lay-offs at work during the recessions of the 80's and I probably could just about of put down a deposit then, but we all feared for our jobs and did not know if we'd have a job in 6 months let alone 10, 20 or more years, so I did nothing.
In later years met a few ladies, all with their own homes and kids from x's, but it was like being at home when I was with them. They called the shots as it was their home and their family, so I always felt the one with no stake in anything. so found myself back home. Sad I know, but there you go. If I could do it all over again, Id do it differently, but hindsight is a wonderful thing as they say.
I have a bit of money saved up, still nowhere near house price levels and never will, but I could spend some on my home, my dads home now. but I've been reluctant to as I have no stake in it.

Apologies for my tale of woe.

dopester

Good reply. I'm not accusing you of anything. I can sympathise with the house prices as I've experienced quite a lot of the same, especially in the mega lending/borrowing spree post 1997 pushing all house prices up and up as people bought for ever higher prices.

In fact I share many of your concerns, living with parent myself, but long ago concluded I'd rather them keep the house in their own name rather than trying to influence them to do otherwise when they would be reluctant to do so.

Also I'm ready to home-care if that's required and possibly (or employ twice daily nursing/care visits as I know others do), or have their house secured for residential care if required. Of course I understand the need of a home yourself should the worse happen to parent and care fees rack up and up, leaving little left over to be passed down to you from a parent. It's complicated isn't it.