Ex-wife spent childrens savings...

ajatuk

Sam, thanks for your reply.. Yea it appears she has spent it though I am yet to get to the bottom of how... My mum did have their book and we are under the impression she told my mum she needed the money to get stuff for the kids I.e clothes for their holidays with me.. However I bought all these whenever I took them anywhere... And £700 is a lot to spend on holiday clothes - especially when my daughter is walking round in socks with holes in

swimsink

Although on a low income that was not her money to spend i would be beyond mad too - I am a single parent (father denied contact through court) yet any money my daughter has been gifted has gone into a trust fund and any spare cash i've had thats amounted to an extra few hundred over the past 2 years. Why she need's to sub herself from her childrens savings, especially without first discussing it I don't know. The amount she receives in benefits to top up her wages are the amount she is seen to need - not to live a luxury lifestyle! I'm sorry i can't help on the what action you can take front but i back you completely in that she was in the wrong, I hope you can sort it out!

HappyMJ

I was going to quote a few posts but have changed my mind. They are quite divisive.

My mother spent my and my sisters savings as well when I was younger and they divorced. She had to purchase her share of the house from my father when they split. She had to find the money from somewhere and both mine and my sisters savings were used to buy the house. So now I am 36 and still have not seen the savings made from when I was born to when I was about 10 (about £1,000 then-probably worth a lot more 26 years later)....but...I did have the benefit of living in a house that my mother owned rather than relying on selling it and living in rented accomodation paid by housing benefits. When my mother dies my sister and I will get our money back but that hopefully will be many many years away. It was annoying when I was 18 and all the money had gone but it did go on something quite useful so now we'll wait. Oh well. These things happen when one needs a few more pennies.

viktory

As far as am I concerned the money did not belong to the children - but to the parents of the children to spend as they saw fit. It is rumour, bitterness and heresay that she spent it on wine and fags.

hardpowered

I think you should first check the balance of the account and maybe see when and how much money has been taken out - this will help you build a bigger picture. Maybe the mother said there's only a couple hundred pound left to stop the daughter from asking... Perhaps not the correct way but this person seems a little bit on the wrong side of sane.

Good luck!

DeeLasVegas

Is your mother (bank book holder) unaware you bought all their holiday clothes?? Not sure why she would go on the word of your ex that the kids needed holiday clothes etc. Strange situation that will probably be made clearer when you actually ask your mother to show you the book and remaining balance.

Starrystarrynight

First thing I would do is ask your mam to stop paying into the questioned account.

clearingout

ajatuk wrote: »

Clearingout, I think you have misunderstood my initial post... I don't need to 'tell them their mum spent their money..' and this isn't a game of tit for tat. SHE told them herself she had spent it when they asked her how much they now had through 16 yers of saving. She told them there was only a couple of hundred left out of near on a grand, and they then told me as they are upset over it. This is not me trying to get one over on my ex or stirring up trouble through 'hearsay'. She has openly told my daughters she has spent the cash so I know it to be true, and as they are only 16 and it's their mum - who they are wary of - they have come to me, their DAD to try and rectify the situation as they are now left with no savings when they thought they had a grand towards driving lessons etc. They are gutted she has spent their money !!

If the money has gone (we're not entirely sure?), mum has already been judged by her children and you are helping that with comments about cigarettes and alcohol, going out and new clothes. Perhaps the way forward is to encourage the girls to tackle their mother in as sensible and non-confrontational way as possible and ask her why she has spent the money - remembering that spending it on the gas bill or an interview suit or even cigarettes might not be reasonable to us but may well work for mum in certain circumstances (which we'll never really be aware of but the girls could at least try and understand). Their relationship with their mother seems on dodgy ground anyway - encourage them to love their mum, despite her short-comings, and to understand that not everything in life is black and white and that mum may feel she had good reason to use that money. Whether you, or I, or anyone here thinks that's good reason is another issue altogether. All that matters is the parent-child relationship, perhaps? You don't get on with mum and that's not going to change. But as your children mature and have children of their own, they will thank you (I think) for encouraging as positive a relationship with mum as is possible rather than siding with them, being angry and adding fuel to an already smoking fire. They know they can trust you and rely on you - be a voice of reason, nothing more.

Bootsalebargains

I have a friend who is a single mother of 2 on income support (she was married when she had them) she opened bank accounts when each of them were born and put the odd £10 on birthdays etc. Her mum had sold her house and gave all the grandchildren £3000 each. My friend had a meeting with someone about her benefits and had to show all her income and the bank books, the lady told her that she had to use the money that was in the kids savings accounts, she had proof her mum had put it in and the accounts were in the kids names but they said it didn't matter

ajatuk

Thanks to the people who have commented on the initial question that I asked. Once again, for the record, I know that £700 has gone - this is NOT speculation, it is fact. I KNOW my ex wife smokes 20 a day & a bottle of wine a night - FACT - I was married to her for over 10 years and my children have no reason to lie that this isn't still happening. My ex wife would not need the money for 'interview clothes' and I can't believe people just write these things not knowing the circumstances! She works ! She earns £10k a year, £6k in tax credits £200 a month from me + child allowance! Worked out this is £1600 + a month! There is no way she should be dipping into our childrens future that relatives gave them for their BIRTHDAYS & Xmas! They gave it to the children in good faith. I DO NOT bad mouth my ex to the children so the comments about 'encouraging them to be positive about her' (or words to the effect ) is completely absurd! The kids are nearly 16 and I think they have a pretty good idea of what their mother is like with or without me having to 'brainwash' them ! They were removed from her once fir being neglectful so I don't have to bad mouth her - however she has failed them on many levels many times - something I did not wish to go into on here az it isn't relevant. This is just the latest in a long line of selfish acts she has done. The fact is, she does walk round in new clothes, she does smoke 20 a day + wine, she does go out at weekends and holidays without the children. This is HER choice - her life, but I'm damned if she's doing it on my childrens money! I am deleting this thread as I'm fedup of people assuming, speculating & talking about things that are irrelevant from the post that I wrote!