children, cross-stitch and chocolate. Chickywiggles debt-free diary

The_Dragon

Have you told him that yet?!

chickywiggle

i've not seen him yet.

he was supposed to be home at 8.30, just txt him to say "not coming home then" and got "be back soon".

So he's in the pub.

I'm fuming (and too cross to cry). all I want to do is wake my kids up and leave (but even the local travelodge is £50.)
my friend has said he can stay at hers (4h - £85 - train ride away) but obviously i can't go there until the morning. and it's near on impossible with 1 toddler/ 1 baby in buggy and a case

Dorastar

Might be worth trying the reverse psychology of him saving up the £700 as quick as he can instead of the losing £40 pub money + work snacks money. Maybe he should tell one of his pool mates then they will see that he shouldn't do the money again - very embarrassing initially but possibly more effective longer term. You could also just say you weren't able to help out and he will have to tell his mates - I don't know what his mates are like or how deep their patios are :eek:

My dh can understand saving for something but still can't get 'not spending' iyswim - he also needs set dates to acheive x,y,z by or it all seems too big to him (although this might just be my dh who is very simple in money terms) Could you set down a simple savings plan that he does, maybe flogging some of his own stuff to add to it? Definitely don't tell him about the £700, but you could help him out if he does start saving.

ETA: Don't even talk about it with him till the cold light of day - no way should you be going anywhere with the little wiggles. Lots of hugs.

chickywiggle

good idea about making him tell his mates. tho he won't.

ohhh believe me he WILLL pay it back.
He's not got a lot to sell (tho i might eventually be able to get rid of the filter coffee maker that has sat unused in the kitchen for 4 years!!!) he'll also have to get his finger out and sell his old lego sets (that we were saving for DS1.)

The_Dragon

Hmm could you tell him that if he doesn't tell his mates then you will?

*Louise*

Aw chicky I was gutted for you when I read that, I know how much you have been trying to ebay and things to treat the kids. It always seems to be you doing it though so I can understand your frustration.

If you HAVE to pay the money for him - and I would be tempted to say no chance and let him wriggle for a good while :mad: then can you tell him you have borrowed it from someone/where and he has to pay it back every week from his pub money? I'm thinking the chances of him payng you back are slim so maybe if he thought it was someone else he might be more likely to cough up?

Hope you're okay

xxxx

MrsF49

I was so sorry to read what he's done. A friend was in the same boat a few years back with a long-term on-off boyfriend (ironically he works in finance) as she was astonished to discover how much he earned and that he had no savings at all - not a penny (and he was still living with his mum and dad so had no real outgoings). She sat him down and told him very matter-of-factly, that if they were to have any sort of future together, he needed to have his wages paid into their joint account, and she was was going to give him a weekly allowance - in cash only - and that was to cover not just his lunches, but his commuting costs and any drinks at the weekends with 'the lads'. And once his cash was gone, that was it, gone for the week. Just in case, she changed her pin number on her card on the off chance he thought he might sneak some extra cash that way and she hid any small amounts of cash she kept in the house in a tin in the back kitchen cupboard (she'd opened the bottom of it, not the top - so he never found it even if he was having a trawl!).

I have to say my husband is the opposite of yours and micromanages everything on moneymanager - and whilst it does annoy me sometimes, it does mean a weight off our minds as we know precisely what we can and can't afford to spend.

If it was my OH that'd done something so daft, I think I would be tempted to treat him like a child. Chart on the kitchen wall, with a total he needs to reach, by the date he needs to hand it out, like the fundraising thermometers, and how he's going to get there within the time allowed. I wouldn't make any concessions with the money you have diligently put to one side, and why should you or the children suffer for his silliness? He's had the enjoyment out of the money he has 'mis-used', not you and the children. It all seems like he's being terribly selfish. Particularly since this is the second time he's done it (if I've read it correctly?).

MrF has done some terribly selfish, dumb things in the time we've been together (13 or so years) but I find that the silent treatment works well as it either catalyses him to apologise or gives me the opportunity to tell him what a twerp he's been and what he's going to have to do about it to remedy it.

Don't waste your time putting him under the patio though - you can never get the slabs really flat again afterwards.

Good luck though - we're all thinking of you.

MrsF Xx

PS The couple with the cash allowance, they're now married (they got enough money saved), with 2 children, and bought their own home (with a mortgage but they saved enough for a deposit!) - and yes, she still gives him his weekly allowance (he's still not allowed a card), and this is 8 years down the line, and he's in his mid 30s.

chickywiggle

thanks guys. my friend in swinden has said we can go to hers for a bit (very tempted).

gave him silent treatment last night i am still fuming........

Dorastar

Aaaah silence is golden Chicky, followed by lots of "I'm still thinking about what to do" hope you have a better day today.

chickywiggle

just thought i'd pop in (snuggled in bed).
I have had such a lovelllllly time away and really don't want to go home tomorrow, wish i could stay here forever.

Have made sooo many friends in just a weekend as all my mate's friends have just accepted me.

The children although not been angels have been soooooo much better behaved and although I've had to tell DS1 off a few times its not been even close to when we are at home. and yet the routine hasn't been massivly different.

Hubby still can't seem to 'get it'.

last Night - he rang to check how i was (and got 1 syllable answers). then txt about 11 to say he missed me.............. which i ignored.

Today - he rang to check which bank accout to get his pub money out of for tomorrow night.

So quite obviously NOTHING i have said or done has sunk in. You would assume with me coming back tomorrow (as am at work Tuesday or I'd be staying here a lot longer) he'd have arranged to be at home to try and work stuff out but apparently not.

It was soooooo lovely earlier as we left our toddlers with her hubby and went to the local designer outlet clearance place (not to buy anything just to get out) and had such a laugh and went for a drink. We both (because she's same as me wants to get out but its not financially viale) said it was the first time in about 3 years we've said sod the money and done something WE wanted to do. we'd not dream of spending £3+ on a drink normally.

So as soon as i get home and kids are in bed I'm gonna move my stuff into their play room as i'm back to being too cross to talk to him again now.

Just wish i had the money to get away more often (it cost around £100 - £84 in tickets and the rest on a meal and snack on the journey).