How do I tell someone 'You Are Being A Bad Mother??Long story

freejunkie

Hi thanks all this has been soooo stressful for us and it has really helped writing this down, as unbeliveable as it sounds it is true and I've not even put in everything!!!
As regards to caring for him it is long term at the moment I suspect at least a year, we are working with SS with the goal hope he will go back to his mother, we are 'Kinship Carers'
(but we have to go through the same as applying for normal Foster Carers because of the baby p case)

So because we are working with the mother we have to seek her consent. We have explained to her that nursery and schools do not take children without injections to protect themselves. but it doesnt seem to be getting through. Obviously if needs be we will adopt him but the thought of havin to deal with the family forever doesnt excite me and we believe with the right influences she can be a good mother but she need LOTS of help and educating as she is not a natural mother.

puddy

is he living with you whilst 'in care' with social services?

if he is living with you and not considered a looked after child, on what legal basis is he with you?

its not private fostering i think as the relationship is too close, so you need to decide whether you go for a residency order or special guardianship order or something, however sounds like mother will oppose this

whats the plan for his future?

whilst she still has parental responsiblity (which she does unless he has been adopted or an SGO has been taken), she has the right to decide whether he has certain health care interventions or not. however, if social services decide that her decisions are dangerous to the child and would cause him harm, then they can apply to court for a special issues or prohibited steps order, or you can also do this if the child is not a looked after child, this would give the court the abilty to order that the child is innoculated.
however, this is extremely unlikely as she has the right to refuse innoculations, they are not legally necessary whatever one's view about their medical necessity.

nurseries can of course have their own criteria but there are lots of parents who dont innoculate so there must be rules around it i suppose

puddy

pigpen wrote: »

He is no longer in her care so what you feed him or dress him in etc has nothing to do with her. It sounds like both her and the GM have serious mental health issues

see my post above, this is not always the case and needs careful handling depending on the legal basis of his current care

day to day general stuff is down to the main carer (OP) but people with PR will need to consent to other issues unless specific issues orders are made

pigpen

puddy wrote: »

see my post above, this is not always the case and needs careful handling depending on the legal basis of his current care

day to day general stuff is down to the main carer (OP) but people with PR will need to consent to other issues unless specific issues orders are made

Which is exactly what I said.. what he is fed or dressed in is nothing to do with his mother, unless she could say certain things were not allowed for religious reasons she cant reasonably object to anything so long as his health and wellbeingss needs are being met.. I doubt the OP will put him in a dress to pass him off for a girl..

sulkisu

freejunkie wrote: »

Hi thanks all this has been soooo stressful for me and it has really helped writing this down, as unbeliveable as it sounds it is true and I've not even put in everything!!!
As regards to caring for him it is long term at the moment I suspect at least a year, As much as we love little man our goal is for the SIL to have her son. I was brought up in foster care and homes and all I wanted is my mother and couldnt understand why I couldnt go back to her. I believe with the right influences she can be a good mother but she need LOTS of help and educating as she is not a natural mother.

What an awful situation. TBH doing what is best for this child means understanding and accepting that he may never be able to go back to his mother. I was also raised in care and know that being returned to the biological mother is not always in the best interest of the child. If the problems are as bad as you say, the worst thing that you could do is spend a year or so undoing the damage that has already been done, only to return him to his mother and have him screwed up for a second time. Sounds harsh I know, but it's not about her.

sick2death

My word.

No constructive advice here I'm afraid.

Just wanted to say good for you, for doing the right thing.

freejunkie

sulkisu wrote: »

What an awful situation. TBH doing what is best for this child means understanding and accepting that he may never be able to go back to his mother. I was also raised in care and know that being returned to the biological mother is not always in the best interest of the child. If the problems are as bad as you say, the worst thing that you could do is spend a year or so undoing the damage that has already been done, only to return him to his mother and have him screwed up for a second time. Sounds harsh I know, but it's not about her.

Yes you are soo right and this is part of the stress for us, but we are prepared to will fight tooth and nail if she thinks that we are going to part with little man without her going through some HUGE CHANGES. If I see she is worthy (as bad as that sounds) THEN and Only then will we let him go. But this is why I have started this thread I want to have a good talk to her and explain to her what she is doing is not right, you cannot live on love, she needs to make a choice, either fix up or we will fight for adoption

freejunkie

flutterby_lil wrote: »

Well done for putting the child first.

When you say grandparents do you mean the mothers parents? Is this your husbands sister?

Is the child left alone with mother?

It's my OH sister, and their mother who is the GPs.
No because of being charged with Child Neglect we dont allow her unsupervised access

euronorris

freejunkie wrote: »

Yes you are soo right and this is part of the stress for us, but we are prepared to will fight tooth and nail if she thinks that we are going to part with little man without her going through some HUGE CHANGES. If I see she is worthy (as bad as that sounds) THEN and Only then will we let him go. But this is why I have started this thread I want to have a good talk to her and explain to her what she is doing is not right, you cannot live on love, she needs to make a choice, either fix up or we will fight for adoption

TBH, from what you've described, some outside help will most likely be needed to help her in that respect.

All you can do is point her in the right direction and hope she takes up the offer.

City_Girl_2

Well done to you and your DH for getting SS involved, seems that your nephew being with you he is definately in the right place being cared for and loved.

CITY