How do I tell someone 'You Are Being A Bad Mother??Long story

freejunkie

I need help all, this is a loooooong story but I'll make it as short as poss,

I am a person who believes in live and let live but when children are involved it's a different story!!!
My SIL married an illegal immigrant, she got pregnant, had a son all was good till the baby was 7 months old then he got deported. She choose to be a sponser for her husband so she is supposed to earn x amount of money for x amount of time, and obviously cant claim benifits. this has been a real hardship for her, and hasnt found any work.
The grandmother has been there from day one (much to husbands annoyance) helping and although they are broke too, have helped pay her rent, fed them, cloth them etc.

Fast foward to november 2010 the little one will be 2 in feb, SIL has found a job, and enjoying work, grand parents are looking after little man, at their home while SIL is at work, then she comes picks him up takes him home, however as time passes on the SIL is picking little man up every otherday then only at wkends then once a week fi that, til he his basically living at the grandparents house calling them mom and SIL by her name.

Ok here is the point now, Grandmother has mental issues, she is a horder, believes she is in contact with the universal consiencness, doesnt believe in sell by dates on food, bathing. Her house is filled with rotton food she is storing, they have no running water, fridge or cooker. Bathroom and kitchen is unusable/ unaccessable the house is over run with slugs, rats and mice. because of her hording food and rubbish there is only one room in the house they can live in, which even that is piled high with crap but they have a space 2 meters long and wide which is where they are 24 hours a day except when they go to the shop. They are also organic vegetarian, and only give him rice milk and fruit jucies to drink

I could go on and on but theres too much to mention however all of this is having an awful effect on the little boy and he is suffering mentally & physically, he smells and is disgustingly dirty his teeth have decayed and fallen out, his hair is passed his shoulders and fringe is near his nose he is constantly uncomfortable, they feed him off food all the time so he is ill and pasty looking, and totally insecure and afraid of everything, he is not allowed to be a normal child.

Having seen all of this I spoke to the SIL and tryed to appeal to her and ask her to take him away from the GParents house, me and my partner will pay for some of her childcare so she can still work, but she told us it's her son she thinks he is in the best place possible because he is well loved, she doesnt think the house is that bad and she will not even consider nursey because of pedophiles!!!

We have had to call social services, (which that is another looong story) but basically SIL and GPs have been charged with child Neglect Social S took the boy and after being in foster care for some time my OH and I have fought to get him and now he is stopping with us. SIL and GPs believe they have done nothing wrong, and continue to live as they want, we are tryin to work with the SIL but her attitude is really distressing me, the little man has had no injections so I cant put him into nursery, and she wont allow me to get him done, phones me constantly to remind me, not to feed him this and that, not to give him floride water or toothpaste and now she has now moved into grandmothers house!!!

Although SIL is in my eyes neglegent she does love him and her son loves her dearly my goal is to educate her and evenually reunite them together, but I am at a loss I dont know where to start because she really believes as long as you love your child nothing else matters.

mummyroysof3

omg what a sad situation, well done to you for standing upto them on the little boys behalf. where are you at in regards to careing for him? is it a long term thing? x

MrsE_2

You did the right thing with SS. You do whats right for you & the little boy now.

inspirespirit

oh my word. Thank goodness you got involved. Well done. could you adopt the boy so that she cannot tell you how to look after him. You could still let her have visitation but without the interference.
Good luck with whatever you do.

BitterAndTwisted

How do you tell them? In words of one syllable and very, very slowly so that they can comprehend. If the child's situation was dire enough for SS to take him away then they shouldn't really need to be told anything. The action speaks volumes. Love just isn't enough in some circumstances, especially this one.

Lotus-eater

That sounds an almost unbelievable story. Horrible.

Well, well done for you for doing the right things.
I just wanted to ask the same questions already posted.

flutterby_lil

Well done for putting the child first.

When you say grandparents do you mean the mothers parents? Is this your husbands sister?

Is the child left alone with mother?

Caroline_a

I would say you need to work very closely with Social Services on this one. I wasn't aware that children had to have their jabs before being allowed into nursery, but I would think that any sort of socialisation with his peers would be really good for this little one. Who is legally considered his carer now?

I realise that you only want to do what is best for both SIL and the little boy, but I would say that the child has to come first, and if she allowed him to get into this state then she has to undergo a very steep learning curve or just back off altogether!

mummyroysof3

OP surely there must be something that means you can ignore what sil says if its against medical advise? in which case following what the doctor/dentist/health visitor says would be best. if sil and gps havent changed their situation or cleaned up their house then little one wont get given back to them will he? feel sorry for the little boy, i have a 2 year old boy and it breaks my heart to think of him being treated like that xx

eta...you dont need to tell her she is a bad mother the courts already did, just out of interest what work does she do?

peachyprice

freejunkie wrote: »

, the little man has had no injections so I cant put him into nursery, and she wont allow me to get him done, phones me constantly to remind me, not to feed him this and that, not to give him floride water or toothpaste

Are you now his legal guardians? Surely if so you are the ones who will make the decisions regarding his health?

pigpen

nursery has nothing to do with vaccinations.. of course he can go.. many parents dont vaccinate!

I wouldnt answer the phone when she rings or tell her she should have been more bothered when he was in her care then you might not have him now!

He is no longer in her care so what you feed him or dress him in etc has nothing to do with her. It sounds like both her and the GM have serious mental health issues