Would like your advice

scottish_lassy

Well, I think you have done exactly the right thing. When you do drop of a card and ask about flowers etc, they may feel you keeping an eye out would be far more appreciated by all the family so don't worry if they turn down the offer of flowers.

I wouldn't get in the habit of inviting him for meals but you could always make extra when you are cooking and put something over for his freezer once or twice a week and then he does not feel pressured to eat it until he is ready.

Nice neighbour you are!

NuttyFaggot

Quite frankly, I think you are a bloody brilliant friend not just a neighbour. It might sound silly to some, but if/when you take him a meal, say you'll be back to collect the washing up. Some of us just don't function properly for a while and the thought of washing up for one breaks your heart because it used to be for two. Apologies if that doesn't make sense.

MessyMare

NuttyFaggot wrote: »

Quite frankly, I think you are a bloody brilliant friend not just a neighbour. It might sound silly to some, but if/when you take him a meal, say you'll be back to collect the washing up. Some of us just don't function properly for a while and the thought of washing up for one breaks your heart because it used to be for two. Apologies if that doesn't make sense.

Makes perfect sense...I know this was how my aunt was when my dear uncle died. (His slippers are still by the door...it slays me every time I see them)

I second the point about going to see them after the funeral, I know this is when my aunt appreciated us the most

You're setting such a fantastic example; I can only hope that if I'm in your neighbour's position I have a friend as good as you by my side

make_me_wise

NuttyFaggot wrote: »

Quite frankly, I think you are a bloody brilliant friend not just a neighbour. It might sound silly to some, but if/when you take him a meal, say you'll be back to collect the washing up. Some of us just don't function properly for a while and the thought of washing up for one breaks your heart because it used to be for two. Apologies if that doesn't make sense.

Makes perfect sense to me. I thought if I made some meals for him it also stops the agony of him having to plan and cook a meal for one as well. Something I know from my past is painful, from when I have gone from being in a relationship, to suddenly finding myself single again! I have spoken to a few of the neighbours and we are all planning to keep a subtle but very caring eye on him. I cannot imagine how he must be feeling, to have been married for just over 50 years and then suddenly that person is gone. Oh !!!!!! here come the tears again...

Insomnia101

I don't normally post on this board but this thread caught my eye.

I am in the exact same situation although unfortunately on the other side of the coin. My mother passed away 2 weeks ago very suddenly and at a relatively young age (58). Like you, we get on very well with our neighbours (most of them elderly/semi-retired) and I have to say I don't know what I would have done without them (I still live at home)

It has been the little things that have meant the most, offers to walk the dog, get us a pint of milk from the shop or even just a wee chat over the fence when I've been hanging out the washing. At a time like this (from my experience so far anyway), it's the knowing that if we needed anything at all then we would have a queue of people ready and willing to help in any way they could, that has been of greatest comfort.

Also, as someone else commented earlier in the thread, we have found the most diffcult time has been the last week where the funeral is over, visitors aren't there anymore and there are too many hours in the day to just sit and think. It's now (and I'm sure in the coming weeks), that we appreciate the little offers of help and gestures of kindness the most.

I hope this helps and you sound like a fabulous neighbour to have.

Judith_W

I think you're brilliant to bring the meals round, when my mum died we got meals dropped off by church members prob on a rota for weeks which was lucky as my dad was clueless about cooking for a while. We were so grateful and was happy to have the 'intrusion' for a hot nutritious meal

lurvlyloz

you're the nicest lady ever. i hope that if i am ever in a time of need people will be so kind. we need more people like you in the world! x