Would like your advice

belfastgirl23

If you're calling in to see them anyway it's perfectly fine to say that you would like to either buy some flowers or make a donation in her memory and see if they've decided what they would prefer. The other thing you could consider doing is making a joint gesture with other neighbours. They do this in some areas in Northern Ireland - if someone dies a collection is taken up amongst neighbours, a small floral gesture is purchased and the remaining money given to the family, either to help with funeral expenses or to donate to a charity, whatever they prefer.

make_me_wise

That is a really nice idea, thank you

NAR

Even if they refuse your offer of shopping I would buy some biscuits, swiss rolls, buns or similar and deliver them saying "Thought this would be nice to go with your tea/coffee for the well-wishers that call."

LianeB

When my mum died a neighbour called round with a sympathy card and a bag of easy cook meals milk, tea and bread it was so appreciated by my dad , my 2 sis and me and my oh
I think its a wonderful idea

Starrystarrynight

Just wanted to say, OP, you're so thoughtful and kind. Asking if you can pick up anything for your neighbour and his family sounds like a great idea. Your consideration and care will mean so much to them, I'm sure.

Jesswithwings

MMW - can you be my neighbour?! I think that's a lovely gesture. Although not at all the same, when we lost our baby (and I had just come back from hospital having been very sick) a lady from our church turned up with a meal and said "you can either eat this tonight or stick it in the freezer for a day when you can't be bothered to cook" and it was so appreciated. I wouldnt worry too much about invading their privacy but what I will say is that my gran got tons of support in the immediate few days after my grandad's death but no one at all visited her after the funeral. She said that up until the funeral she was focused with all the planning and arranging that goes with it but afterwards was a giant void where her mind wasnt occupied at all but no-one popped around. Just a thought

jeanniebeanie_2

On a day when I have watched the riots and was beginning to despair that community neighbourliness was all but gone, your post has heartened me so much. Do what feels right. Your natural thoughtfulness will be much appreciated I am sure, even if all you offer is not required at the moment.

If it helps, my elderly neighbour who was wheelchair bound lost her husband some years back and I gave her my telephone number for if she needed assistance, did bits of shopping and took meals around on occasions when I could say I had 'made a bit too much'. My kids were young at the time (she sadly passed away a while back) and she loved to sit and watch them play in the garden, invite them in to play her piano and tell them stories of her childhood. On a less pleasant note, her son lived a long drive away and on the couple of occasions I met him he clearly thought I was after her money and tried his best to persuade her to have nothing to do with us and I was not welcomed at her funeral. I was not after any financial reward. My kids learned a lot about looking out for others and that was worth far more than any financial legacy.

Grimbal

NAR wrote: »

Even if they refuse your offer of shopping I would buy some biscuits, swiss rolls, buns or similar and deliver them saying "Thought this would be nice to go with your tea/coffee for the well-wishers that call."

I think this is such a great idea! Perhaps get some with a longish shelf life/individual wrapping too in case of fewer/sporadic visitors ?

make_me_wise

Well I have bitten the bullet. I popped over earlier and asked if there was anything they needed from the shops. I was given a small list of things. They all looked so sad and shell-shocked. I held it together whilst I was at their house but had a really good cry myself when I got back to my house to collect my bag. The house seemed so quiet and empty without the lovely old lady. I use to love it when she invited me over for a cuppa and a chat. She was always baking cakes and the smell was lovely when you went in their front door.

When I got back from the shops I popped over a chicken casserole to them that was going to be our dinner tonight and a few frozen meals. They were so greatful and I hope in some small way I have made today a little easier for them.

Hubby has just got home from work and was a bit surprised we had no dinner in the oven, till I explained it was over the road. So now we are off out to dinner this evening. Im eating for 3 now so its gonna cost hubby a small fortune

jeanniebeanie_2

You clearly have the wrong user name There are many that could learn so much from you. Enjoy your meal out!