Kids, Friendships and Head Lice...

timeou

Dilemma....

I have a friend, not close, but a friend that I wouldnt want to hurt all the same.

Kids are friends too - mainly in school as we dont live close enough for the kids to play out together .

Now this friend is clean & tidy but pretty relaxed when it comes to parenting - the child has been here a few times for tea after school and its pretty apparent head lice is a problem in the family. their mum (my friend) doesnt seem to bothered and knowing her its all too much like hard work to do the combing out night after night so nothing is really done about it.
My DD has had them a few times and I'm really diligent in making sure that I get rid of them as soon as they appear so its really frustrating to know others dont bother so the cycle just goes round & round the class.

My friend has made some noises about the kids getting together to play over the holidays and also the current 'trend' around here is for sleepovers (hate them tbh - would rather my kids be in their own beds every night but there you go) so she's extended the invite to sleepover too.

I've been making every excuse under the sun not to meet up or have the sleepover as tbh I'm fed up with clearing my own kids of Head Lice and during the holidays its a welcome respite from it all. I know that when school starts again no doubt I'll be having to step up the checking but at the mo I'm enjoying the rest from it all!!

I feel so guilty avoiding lettting my DD play with her friend. Should I ask outright if they have head lice before letting them play? I dont want to come across as being ridiculous and I certainly wouldnt want to hurt my friend....difficult situation..

mrcow

If you don't want to upset your friend, just keep making the excuses.

You don't have to get together until you're 100% about it. here is no excuse for not treating a child infested with lice. And to expose your own children to is it is unfair on them.

Don't even entertain the idea of a sleepover. Just use the word "no". It's very effective. You don't have to explain your reasoning to anyone else.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Why not put repellent stuff on before she goes and then bath and comb out as soon as she comes back? That way, there's only going to be a few illegal aliens on her head and you haven't hurt anyone's feelings.

If your friend is clean and tidy, it's just as likely that her child is being given them by someone else, anyway.



(btw, sleepovers are a normal part of being a child - have been for years - and it helps them by giving them experience of other homes, families and foods and of being a host as well as a guest, so they aren't just a fad, they are very useful\0

balletshoes

I'm guessing you've seen the headlice on your friend's child? I wouldn't stop the kids playing together, just make sure your child has their hair tied back and up for the playdate - and a firm No about the sleepover. Just because someone else does sleepovers, doesn't mean you have to be part of that right now.

FBaby

What makes you think that it is her kids who give yours headlice and it's not happening the other way round? That's usually the problem, by the time you realise yours have a couple and you do a treatment, they have already passed it to someone else. Your kids are then free of them, but their friends now have them.

Personally, I think it is sad you would stop your kids enyoing a sleepover because of headlice.

balletshoes

FBaby wrote: »

What makes you think that it is her kids who give yours headlice and it's not happening the other way round? That's usually the problem, by the time you realise yours have a couple and you do a treatment, they have already passed it to someone else. Your kids are then free of them, but their friends now have them.

Personally, I think it is sad you would stop your kids enyoing a sleepover because of headlice.

you see, I can totally understand why the OP relishes the thought of a break from doing the nightly headlice comb-through in the holidays. I had 3 years of it on and off - nursery and then first year of primary school - no sooner had you got rid of the little blighters than someone had started the round of them again!

However, I do agree that unless you've actually seen the headlice on your friend's childs hair, you don't know where the lice are coming from, it might not necessarily be from her household.

Oh, and yes, sleepovers are good (although I don't remember doing any at all as a child) but none of my DD's friends really started doing it until they were about 9 years old - I'm guessing your child is younger OP?

FBaby

YOu had three years of it... I had now 8... It drives me mad and like all parents I would give anything for them to be gone for good.... the fact is that headlices are part of growing up for kids nowadays, but instead of preventing my kids from being around other kids who might have headlices (what are you supposed to do, ask to check their head before allowing your kids to play with them), I accept the situation and treat my kids each time i see a lice again....

timeou

I know for a fact that her kids have head lice all the time as the gran told me that they have had them almost constantly since Xmas!

My DD has had them twice since Xmas so I doubt she's been the one passing it back to them!

DD and friend is 8 - sorry but I just don't want to put her into a situation where she will inevitably get them - when she sleeps over they share a double bed....:(

mrcow

FBaby wrote: »

YOu had three years of it... I had now 8... It drives me mad and like all parents I would give anything for them to be gone for good.... the fact is that headlices are part of growing up for kids nowadays

Are they though?

I've never had them.
I have three kids and they've never had them either (up to now!).

If I knew anyone who had them who wanted to sleep round my house, I'd tell them no problem, but only once they'd vanquished the little critters.

The idea of someone else sleeping in my kids' beds with lice is _pale_

pigpen

FBaby wrote: »

YOu had three years of it... I had now 8... It drives me mad and like all parents I would give anything for them to be gone for good.... the fact is that headlices are part of growing up for kids nowadays, but instead of preventing my kids from being around other kids who might have headlices (what are you supposed to do, ask to check their head before allowing your kids to play with them), I accept the situation and treat my kids each time i see a lice again....

Only 8?!! 14 YEARS of constant combing and defleaing... I HATE it.. I want to shave every child in the primary school!! They appear to be less of an issue at high school!

I found the best things in the world... Nitty gritty comb.. Boots spray leave in conditioner with coconut and almond and if they have loads of critters prioderm.. highy toxic works on contact.. it has been used rarely but is very useful in the war against insurgents.

I have 6 girls with shoulderblade to waist length hair.. the boys get a number 2 ..

I think it is downright mean to not allow sleepovers.. it isnt like it is hard to deflea once they get home.. restricting childhood pastimes for the sake of the possibiity of a few insects is downright crazy!

Mine got them from the childrens clubs while we were on holiday one year.. that was so annoying!!

Ames

mrcow wrote: »

Are they though?

I've never had them.
I have three kids and they've never had them either (up to now!).

If I knew anyone who had them who wanted to sleep round my house, I'd tell them no problem, but only once they'd vanquished the little critters.

The idea of someone else sleeping in my kids' beds with lice is _pale_

I had them a few times in primary school, and so did my classmates - one girl had them loads more than me, she went to Oxford and is now a high flyer, her family was quite middle class too.

If they weren't a problem why did we have nit nurses?