Am i being stupid? Or am i right to be worried?

dharm999

I apologise for this long post, but I had to get this off my chest.

I am married, have been for 17 years, have one child, who is in sixth form, and my wife stays at home looking after him, me, and our house. A traditional set up I suppose.

I have a good well paid secure job, so am fortunate, and I do work hard. We have savings, are financially comfortable, so again we are lucky. I guess you can say we are a middle class family.

However over the past few weeks, and months, I have been getting increasingly worried. Little things worry me, out of proportion to thier impact. I worry all the time about our financial future, with everything going on in the world at the moment, and fear for our future. It gets to the point where I dont make financial decisions, for fear of making the wrong one, and it leads to a kind of paralysis. Wanting to make a decision, but being unable to actually make it. Another factor has been that someone at work, who was only 52, died recently, of cancer, and it was a shock to me. It made me realise that all the things i want to do, I may never do.

Am I being ridiculous? Should I just stop being so stupid? I know, as a family, we are lucky, and dont have to worry about spending a few extra quid on something, but my worry is affecting me, to the point where I'm not sleeping properly. Could I just be burnt out by work? My job has been stressful over the past few years, and it has taken a lot of time and effort on my part to sort out the financial problems at work.

Thanks for reading, and all views welcome

Thanks

mumofthreemonkies83

Hey there

Your post rang bells for me as I was in a similar situation last year. I had a friend who suffered a stillbirth and I think it was just the straw that broke the camels back.I had many other issues going on at the same time and I just wasnt coping.
I became very anxious, worried, stressed you name it I had it.
I went to the GP and explained my situation and was referred for CBT which didnt help but was given anti anxiety/anti depressants to help me through which worked wonders in helping me to cope in the short term.

Its a really horrible place but I think sometimes as in your case stress is the trigger. Have you considered speaking to your GP?
I know you mentioned finances which appears to be what your worries are centering around but it does sound like you just have too much on your plate and need a break?

Much love and best wishes
Mumof4 xx

Mrs_Arcanum

I know people dismiss the idea, but there does seem to be genuine evidence for the mid life crisis. Definitely go see your GP. They will I am sure be fully aware of your situation and will be best placed to help.

Sometimes a short term solution will have long term results.

copier_guy

Hi,

We all worry about our own mortality.

I am 40 next year and im thinking of my health. weight etc. The thought of leaving the 30's scares me but im told its just a number.

Whe someone you know passes away it does make us think and i think what your going through is normal.

Give yourself a little time, do you have any hobbies that you do?

whitewing

Yes, I agree that it is a sign that you maybe could do with a little 'talking therapy' to get things into perspective before inability to make decisions starts to lead to consequences. It sounds like life is catching up with you.

I am certainly feeling that the higher middle classes are feeling the impact this year of the financial situation (fewer of this type of customer and less return business), whereas in previous years it was the working class/lower middle class who were impacted - they seem to have got to grips with their budgeting now and are coming back/staying longer. So it may simply be that you are picking up whiffs of panic from your peers, and if you are overtired that can start to loom largely in your thoughts. I am of the opinion that a non-rushed decision is always better than no decision at all. I am also of the opinion that no matter how bad things get, there is always a way to get a better experience from it and that there may be a need to be prudent but there is no need to feel hopeless.

Tiddlywinks

Sometimes when life is good, or at least comfortable, it can be a worry to think about something taking that life away or impacting on it - that's natural.

On a practical level, prepare your "plan b" - make sure you have all the right insurances in place and go through them and confirm that you and your family will be financially stable in the case of redundancy, serious illness etc. Then you can try to "park" that in your mind as you have it covered.

On an emotional level, do you have a support network - buddies that you can talk to? Do you feel you need to get some other interests in your life to take your mind away from work in your down time? Join a club, learn a language...anything to refocus some of your mental energy...give your mind something else to play with.

Also, as the other poster has said, you could go to your GP and discuss how you feel - only you know can know if you have reached this stage or not.

Good luck.

mountainofdebt

I'm just wondering if the death of your work colleague has given you a wake up call of your own mortality and it has scared you that perhaps your priorities to date (making sure that your family are financially secure) have been misguided? I'm not saying you should quit your job and start living like Tom and Barbara Good but perhaps the work / life balance needs to be readdressed.

Also you're coming up to a period of transition - your son probably will be living home in the next year and so you and your wife really need to sit down and think what this means for you as a couple.

whitewing

I would say also that when my depression gets worse, one of the signs is that it gets harder for me to make decisions, even simple decisions like what to wear, which can delay me going in to the shower. I'm not a 'miserable' depressive, I seem quite calm. It is possible to seem to be functioning but not be as good as you can be.

January20

You know, I think it's perfectly normal. I was sitting down at home yesterday, and had this wave of panic of what would I do if I lost my job? We are constantly told how bad the economy is at the moment, there have been some horrible things going on in the world lately, and like you, I have heard of a couple of people in their early 50s (I'm late 40s) who have dropped down dead suddenly. Is it any wonder that people worry? You are the sole earner for your family. It's a huge responsibility. My concern for you is: do you worry constantly or is it occasionally? Also, you didn't say how old you are? If you are just in your late 30s then it's a bit early to worry about your own mortality, isn't it?

ska_lover

dharm999 wrote: »

I apologise for this long post, but I had to get this off my chest.

I am married, have been for 17 years, have one child, who is in sixth form, and my wife stays at home looking after him, me, and our house. A traditional set up I suppose.

I have a good well paid secure job, so am fortunate, and I do work hard. We have savings, are financially comfortable, so again we are lucky. I guess you can say we are a middle class family.

However over the past few weeks, and months, I have been getting increasingly worried. Little things worry me, out of proportion to thier impact. I worry all the time about our financial future, with everything going on in the world at the moment, and fear for our future. It gets to the point where I dont make financial decisions, for fear of making the wrong one, and it leads to a kind of paralysis. Wanting to make a decision, but being unable to actually make it. Another factor has been that someone at work, who was only 52, died recently, of cancer, and it was a shock to me. It made me realise that all the things i want to do, I may never do.

Am I being ridiculous? Should I just stop being so stupid? I know, as a family, we are lucky, and dont have to worry about spending a few extra quid on something, but my worry is affecting me, to the point where I'm not sleeping properly. Could I just be burnt out by work? My job has been stressful over the past few years, and it has taken a lot of time and effort on my part to sort out the financial problems at work.

Thanks for reading, and all views welcome

Thanks

Hi there,

I had to reply as this reminds me of the situation someone I know was recently in, and she is now managing to crawl out of.

Op you sound slightly depressed to me, not just burnt out by work. You are getting over anxious. You have really got to live day to day as life is passing you by while you are stresssing your head out needlessly. I think you should visit ur doctors and get put on some mild antidepressants, because believe me, they do take the edge off things and help you get your head straight in the long term.

I see your colleagues passing has contributed to the way you feel, (again similar to my friend) and whilst it is sad - death is as much a part of life as actually living. It's going to happen to us all - so don't stress out about it - Live while you are alive!! I would honestly like to shake you as you are wasting your valuable life worrying about what may or may not happen. Can you see what I mean?

Live day to day - don't stress yourself out about money, you are in a better financial position than an awful lot of people. Yknow stress is a killer. Have a couple of jack daniels and coke and chill yourself out.

You have savings - use them to do some of the things you want to do! And do it now. Why wait?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Have you had a proper holiday yet this year?

Sounds like you need some time off to recuperate and not make any big decisions just yet.