Living alone for the first time in my life.

bellkat

I'm soon going to be living alone for the first time, I'm in my fifties.
I was dreading it at first but now I'm actually looking forward to having my own space. Thats partly due to the fact that at present I live with my daughter, her bf and 2 grandchildren!! I will really miss the children, but DD's bf and I can't stand each other, plus they need the room, so I'll be moving out soon.
There's some great advice on here. I was already thinking about an OU course, which I couldn't have really considered before. I'm certainly feeling more positive now,

crafty*kate

Go for it bellkat, the OU is great

zoesmummy_2006

i live on my own, well i have 2 smallies, but i share custody with their dad, so am alone some of the time-like now! When he first left us and it was just me and the kids i went back living with my parents and then with their help rented a place for us. It was great to have that space cos we were in a box room and i was sharing a single bed with my daughter and having to wait for the bathroom with 3 other adults in the house was hell for me!!!!

When i first moved into the new house with the kids it was liberating and scary as hell, it was wonderful to have my own space again, but when the kids went to bed and i was on my own i remember feeling soooooo down and depressed about everything, being on my own gave me far too much time to think about things and dwell on the past. That got harder as the kids dad decided he wanted them every weekend, i literally didnt know what to do with myself!!!!! I had been a partner/wife and mother for so long i didnt know how to be just me anymore. It was made worse by the fact that all my friends were happily settled down married/with kids etc.

It got easier in the end, and now my god i love living on my own!!!! the kids have gone to daddys this lunch and all ive done this avo is catch up with sky+ and laze on the sofa or out in the garden!!! I meet up with my friends once or twice a month for a curry night, theres always someones birthday for a night out, i was dying to see the final harry potter last weekend-so i went on my own!!! I have long hot baths as i please, eat what i want when i want (since the ex left i dont eat the crap and takeaways like he did and have dropped down to a size 10 again!) and i watch my programmes/films etc without anyone moaning at me about them.

My main worry now is learning to share my space again when i meet someone-i had a brief fling last year and it was so weird having someone sleep in my bed next to me all night again!!!! he actually moaned at me for sleeping on the other side of the bed (where i usually sleep) instead of cuddling up to him lol-oops!!

Deep_In_Debt

I'm in my 40's and live alone (I've got a lodger but don't see much of him) and I've lived on my own since my break up with OH - 6 years ago. We were together for about 18 years, although the last few years were more "off" than "on". It was hard at first but I soon got used to it and love living on my own now. I have a lot interests and hobbies and volunteer for various charities and other things so I'm kept busy evenings and weekends as I work full time during the week. I'm now obsessed with growing tomatoes, runner beans, pumpkins and anything else I think of - would never have done that with OH.

I left home at 17 and shared houses for a while before buying my place, lodgers and then ex OH moving in.

I'm certain I couldn't share my space again and not sure I want to either.

Errata

The key to a happy life is -

Somewhere to live - you've got that
Something to love - get a budgie, they're cheap to board out when you go on holiday
Something to look forward to - people/ things / places
Something to do - job / volunteer / OU / hobby

And after all that lot there's always the housework

sandraroffey

feel for you, i really do. BUUUUT, it will get easier and you will find that you will enjoy it.

in 2005 my divorce became final. i had been married to him for 37 years, had 5 children. since he had been gone before the divorce, i had a friend living with me, helping me run my pub, also two of my children worked for me, and stayed over all the time. my youngest daughter lived just 2 streets away so saw her every day.

when my husband came out of prison, he wouldnt leave me alone, so i had no choice but to run and hide so i came back to where i loved the most (where we had lived before he had us all upsticks and move again, and my eldest daughter and middle son also lived here), my middle son lived with me here up until september last year, then he wanted to move in with his girlfriend, and suddenly, at the age of 63, i was on my own. had never lived on my own before.

i do confess that the first month or so i was bereft!!!! brave face to everyone else but my heart was breaking. but it got easier as time went on. i missed just making a cuppa for someone else. calling up the stairs, dinners ready. or just someone to say, morning mum, you ok today??

the best bit is slobbing around in your jamas and who cares?? i dont!! and all the money you have coming in IS YOURS!!!!! FOR YOU!!!

IF I WANT TO COOK I DO... IF DONT... I DONT!!!

no one else to consider but me.

yes it is still hard from time to time, especially if family have been stay, and then they go back home. this week i have had my twin grandsons, age 6, staying with me for their little holiday. when they go home i shall weep buckets for a couple of days but after that, it will be fine. have to say though, that the noise and company that i HAD to have around me all the time before, i now find it hard to cope with.

found it easier to cope when all this first started 6 years ago when i first had to run and hide, by giving myself a couple of targets 'to do' a day. find something to aim for. it all helps.

still cant go out to a restraunt or whatever on my own though.

i spent a lot of time now, visiting all my children and grandchildren. a few days here, a week there; im away a lot, in fact more than i am home. and i do all the things that I could never do with my ex husband; i go to family weddings, something he would never do, i go and stay with family for christmas: can you believe that christmas gone was the first time i had ever spent a christmas with my eldest son and his family??? he is 43 years old. my ex husband would never go anywhere, with anyone. unless it was him going off somerwhere with his mates. so much more i can do, and what i can now watch on tv without it causing a world war, its amazing.

it is hard to start with, but it wont be long before you start to settle in to your new way of life. and think of the money you will be saving!!!!

MrsE_2

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

i live on my own, well i have 2 smallies, but i share custody with their dad, so am alone some of the time-like now! When he first left us and it was just me and the kids i went back living with my parents and then with their help rented a place for us. It was great to have that space cos we were in a box room and i was sharing a single bed with my daughter and having to wait for the bathroom with 3 other adults in the house was hell for me!!!!

When i first moved into the new house with the kids it was liberating and scary as hell, it was wonderful to have my own space again, but when the kids went to bed and i was on my own i remember feeling soooooo down and depressed about everything, being on my own gave me far too much time to think about things and dwell on the past. That got harder as the kids dad decided he wanted them every weekend, i literally didnt know what to do with myself!!!!! I had been a partner/wife and mother for so long i didnt know how to be just me anymore. It was made worse by the fact that all my friends were happily settled down married/with kids etc.

It got easier in the end, and now my god i love living on my own!!!! the kids have gone to daddys this lunch and all ive done this avo is catch up with sky+ and laze on the sofa or out in the garden!!! I meet up with my friends once or twice a month for a curry night, theres always someones birthday for a night out, i was dying to see the final harry potter last weekend-so i went on my own!!! I have long hot baths as i please, eat what i want when i want (since the ex left i dont eat the crap and takeaways like he did and have dropped down to a size 10 again!) and i watch my programmes/films etc without anyone moaning at me about them.

My main worry now is learning to share my space again when i meet someone-i had a brief fling last year and it was so weird having someone sleep in my bed next to me all night again!!!! he actually moaned at me for sleeping on the other side of the bed (where i usually sleep) instead of cuddling up to him lol-oops!!

Its different being a single parent & living with your children (I've done that) to just living totally alone.

MrsE_2

Errata wrote: »

The key to a happy life is -

Somewhere to live - you've got that Check
Something to love - get a budgie, they're cheap to board out when you go on holiday Check Cats
Something to look forward to - people/ things / places Check Family
Something to do - job / volunteer / OU / hobby Check Job

And after all that lot there's always the housework

Got the main things covered then. No time for an OU course. I'm up at 5.30, leave for work before 8am. Not home till 5.30, at the earliest. Then got family (first grandchild:A), cats, cooking, housework, etc to fit in.

MrsE_2

sandraroffey wrote: »

the best bit is slobbing around in your jamas and who cares?? i dont!! and all the money you have coming in IS YOURS!!!!! FOR YOU!!!

it is hard to start with, but it wont be long before you start to settle in to your new way of life. and think of the money you will be saving!!!!

Financially its very tight:(
I'm just covering the basics:(
No more shopping at Waitrose:mad:

VestanPance

I've been living alone for three years now and to be honest I don't enjoy it.

I guess that may be as I never felt there was anything I couldn't do when with my ex, so I don't have any new found freedoms but I have lost all the coupley things that I enjoyed when with someone.

As others say try to keep busy. I do find the worst times are when you feel you sat in all night and done nothing of worth, although some people seem to enjoy that!

EDIT: Living alone saving money! It's a money eater to live on your own.